I'm glad you felt better yesterday Ncuneo, hope the rest of the day went well for you.
I'm happy to say that this week so far has been going great. I don't know the reason, whether it's having the operation out of the way and so not stressing as much, having the pain start to ease, being past ovulation, or something else, but I'm been able to stay POP without too much difficulty which has amazed me. It's like I've sort of been on autopilot this last 3 days, eaten my planned meals etc, and just ignored the cravings. I managed to run again yesterday which made me feel so much better. Didn't run as fast or as far as normal, but it didn't cause anymore pain than I was in before, so going to try my usual Body Pump class today and see how that goes.
I haven't listened to anymore episodes, but I did notice while eating dinner last night that I was getting full. If I had to find a fault in the last 3 days it would be then, because I should probably have left a little food on my plate but instead I finished it. However at least I was aware of it, and I had no hunger all evening and no cravings so didn't need a snack later. I'm thankful that even when not listening to episodes each day some of what I've learned is definitely still active in my head, some days it's different things to others ie yesterday it was whether I was still genuinely hungry, the day before I was thinking about why I'd binged at the weekend and what gift that had given me etc. I'm also using my success journal to try to find two positive things at the end of each day although I didn't do it at the weekend...
The scale is back down to 1lb above my low weight so I'm pleased about that.
Not sure how today is going to go. DH is home so a change of my routine which sometimes causes problems. But I'm trying to pre-do my day, healthy satisfying meals planned, exercise planned, and ending the day feeling proud of myself. Just need to keep busy in between and really consider any cravings etc.
Hope your Thursday gets off to a good start.
Had to "get centered" before I posted today. I think PMS is starting early and I'm in a bad mood. Everything is pissing me off lately and last night if DH wasn't home I would have binged, there is no doubt in my mind. Trying to push that out of my head and just move forward, because no matter how it happened, I didn't binge.
My weight isn't "recovering" as fast as I'd like, but recovering. I'll still likely be over my "red line" by the weekend which terrifies me, but just trying to know that everything will be fine.
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because I should probably have left a little food on my plate but instead I finished it
I can SO relate to this. There have been a couple meals lately where I know I'm done, I'm satisfied and I would continue to be satisfied if I stopped and left the food on my plate, but I've finished anyway. I guess the first step is identifying those feelings, so that is progress. But I'm angry that for whatever reason I finish the food anyway. The only thing I can identify is that I'm afraid I'll get hungry later or sooner that I would have if I'd finished the meal. I think that I need to either a. Put the food in the fridge, if I get hungry then I can finish it then. Or b. know that if I get hungry sooner I can have a small snack. I really want to be one of those people who can be ok leaving food on their plate.
So today I'm just repeating to myself, I am satisfied, I am at peace, I am centered and this weekend those good feelings will continue so that I will be on plan all weekend. Because (my towards motivator) I want my weight to return to my comfort zone.
I didn't listen to any episode yesterday, but fully intend to today. Hope your day continues to be great and tomorrow is good as well.
I think I've decided I might purchase one of her guided journeys. I'm going to do it for tomorrow. I feel really scared about this weekend. I'm worried that my hormones are so out of wack right now that I won't be able to conquer them mentally. I know I need to think more positve about that, but the urges to binge are really strong right now...and it's not even the weekend. I'm thinking I'll be able to get through Friday, and Friday night I'll do one of the journeys and I'm hoping it will propell me through the weekend.
I'm having a hard time understanding why the urges are so strong right now. One thing is that I always struggle like this around TOM, but it's a little early to be feeling this way right now. So that's why I think my hormones are wacked out and as I mentioned earlier I ovulated WAY late, so obviously something's a miss this month. But it seems to easy to say that it's just hormonal. I mean could it be just hormonal? I struggle with binging all the time, but it seems managable most of the time especially with the work we've been doing, but the PMS urges are almost uncontrollable. SO what do I do? Give in and be miserable or fight it and be miserable? I guess that later will technically probive more pleasure...but ugh...ok enough feeling sorry for myself again, just needed to vent.
Well...I think it was pretty inevitable...I've binged at work today...I brought some kashi bars in last week, intended to be for those days I'm famished before the gym so I don't have to stop and pick something up or deprive myself and feel weak and light headed throughout the workout. I ate three of them at my desk in a matter of oh I don't know 10 mins. Pretty mild binge for me, technically not even a binge really, but I know that I only stoped because they are all gone and I've already eaten my snack and lunch. Now I can already feel the painful gas starting because of all the fiber in them - sorry TMI.
I've been having horrible urges all week that's why I said it was inevitable, and I assume it's mostly hormonal. I'm not sure how the day will play out as I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions all day.
I think I'm going to take a "break" from all of it this weekend. No 3FC, no counting, no scales, no episodes, just a break to free myself of the madness and hopefully move my focus to something else. I remember when I was breastfeeding and caring for DH as an infant. I spent all my time on breastfeeding and childhood development forums, it consumed me. So once, I stopped, the obsession stopped. So this may be good bye, it may not I'm not sure right now, but I have to step away. I'll probably lurk, but if I don't return, I thought I owed you all an explination. I hope it's not goodbye as I feel that the support here is necessary for our continued success in maintenance, but I have to regain my life...my life cannot be about food anymore...it just can't.
Ncuneo, I'm sorry that you've been struggling so much this week and that it lead to a mini binge, sending hugs your way.
I totally understand what you're saying about taking a break, I've actually been thinking the same myself. The more I focus on listening to episodes, reading 3FC and posting, on top of trying to eat healthy, weigh and exercise etc, it just seems like I'm getting more obsessed with food all the time. I have a blog but haven't updated it in ages because it all just seems like too much focus on food etc and I desparately need to try to reduce that.
I hope it isn't goodbye and that you will still be around, but if so please know I understand, I'm thinking myself that I need to make some decisions and something has to give somewhere to reduce the obsession.
I haven't listened to any episodes since Tuesday and although I myself had a mini binge on candy and chocolate last night I got up and got weighed, ate a light breakfast and went to my step class this morning, and I'm just getting on with it. I think I am just going to listen to episodes when I feel like it might help me, and try to be mindful of what I've already learnt, and try to take away some of the obsession.
Thank you Lovingme. I wish I could say that the day ended with the mini binge, but it did not. It end with a binge for the record book. At first I was angry and feeling guilty, and mad at myself, but then I realized a couple things. 1. I made it almost 5 weeks without a binge. That's pretty fantastic. 2. It's about the DIF. If I can get to a point where I'm only binging once a month or so that is some pretty fantastic progress. 3. While it's not exactly an excuse, something hormonal is clearly going on here and all the mental work in the world can't always conquer that. My cycles are usually 30 days give or take, but last month was a 28 day cycle with a horrific binge 4 days before my period and this month I'm already at day 33 of my cycle and not expecting my period for a couple more days. So I'm going to try a couple supplements for PMS/PMDD and see if I see any improvment around TOM.
It would be ridiculous to ignore all the progress I've made over the last month. However, there are going to be some changes, because the obsession has got to stop. I've decided that instead of completely eliminating 3FC I will be visiting once a week, no more, maybe less. I'm usually on here everyday all day. It's very easy to check in with my phone and at work. I think I've become like a trama survivior and watching all these girls obsess over calories and what not is like having post tramatic stress. I know that might sound ridiculous, but sometimes when I read certain post I start to get anxiety over all of it. Anyway, like you said, something has to give and I think this is a good place to start.
Today, hasn't been great just been snacking all day I haven't had one actual meal. I skipped dinner last night too, because I binged instead. I guess that's self correcting. Anyway, I'll stop by here probably on Saturday's just to check in and post on the week, I hope that we both continue our success and seeing progress and improve the DIF.
For the most part I only signed on once a day and mostly lurked on 3FC. I cannot tell you how much that helped with my obsession. It was so nice to be free of that.
I did still listen to episode this week, and they were powerful and addressed food obsession caused by "dieting" and calorie counting. However, I just do not trust my head, I trust my body, enough to abandon calorie counting. I tried and I'm just not ready. So for now I'm at peace with it. It's part of MY maintenance routine and I make it work and that's fine for now.
She also addressed people who listen to her podcast, hear, understand and agree with what she's saying, but don't stop the behavior. Which is kind of me. I know part of my issue right now is hormonal, TOM finally visited Wednesday and it's been just the worst wackiest cycle ever. I mean I feel physically and emotionally different. So I'm just trying to roll with that and forgive myself for the binges that preceeded it. But what she said was that these people aren't stopping the behavior because they're not going deep enough their too scared to face the tramatic event that started their weight gain or binging or whatever. And maybe that's me, be seriously for the life of me I don't know what it is that I'm so afraid of. I can feel the fear though, but it's more of a fear of if I don't have binging to rely on, then what do I have? I really don't want to go off here, because I know it will turn into a rambling bunch of confusion.
So I guess where I am today is just pushing forward. Forgiving and re-doing the binges from last weekend and yesterday and starting to self correct and come back into balance with myself. I suppose the positive thing is that during all the binges all the self correcting thoughts where there, but there was just something stronger desire to binge. So I have to figure out how to let the self correcting thoughts get stronger and listen to them, feel them and quit pushing them away. What's great is that those thoughts are making my binges less enjoyable and I'm not getting what I used to get out of them. They're just not working for me anymore.
I'm that things are going well with you and that are finding peace and happiness this week. Untill next week...
I wanted to share my Easter Dinner experience...I hope this makes sense.
So, for holidays I mainly eat and enjoy at the meal but do not go back for seconds. I try to exercise beforehand so it is in and calories burned ect. to avoid weight gain. Today I did.
So, at dinner we had turkey, stuffing/filling/mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. I took a little of everything and filled my plate. My only rule is not to go back to seconds.
Well, I am at the end of dinner and finished my plate and I really want more sweet potatoes. They were the best thing on my plate...I start thinking about the podcasts and I "drop in" and decide how full I am. Probably about 10/10s full, but not stuffed...more satisfied.
What happened though is I realized I felt "pleasure" from the food...but if I ate any more of it...I wouldn't! If I ate more, I would feel stuffed and sick...and I didn't want that. I wanted to enjoy my meal, which I did...so I didn't get seconds and I STOPPED eating since I was in a place where I had enjoyed my meal, I ate and splurged but did not step beyond the line of that...
Interesting viewpoint that if I eat more of a food I will feel stuffed and not really enjoy it wheras if I eat some of a food I want but not overeat it, I will thereby enjoy it, feel pleased by it but eating more will make me not enjoy it as much...
Its kind of like...less is more?
Great realization Dagny. I think this is the very essence of the program. I liked what you said and I think if I can remember it (this is the hard part for me, I seem to have selective memory or I realize it ignore it and eat more anyway) I will be taking a page from your book.
I'm not sure where I am right now. I'm still struggling, but still learning, still listening to the podcasts. Right now I'm just trying to become more relaxed and not freak out over over eating episodes. The hardest thing I'm having trouble with right now is listening to myself. I have all the insight there to tell me when to stop to tell me I've had enough to tell me that I won't get any additional pleasure out of eating more, but for some reason that other part of me is just winning. Renee says this is because there is some underlying issue I'm not dealing with. Unfortunately I can't seem to figure it out. Part of me feels like I'm having trouble with dealing with the stress of being a working mom/wife/daughter and binging gives me a release from that. And part of me thinks that I hate my job lately and want to move me and my family to a new city and start a new life because I'm bored out of my mind. I really don't know.
I've been spending less and less time on 3FC and my food obsessing is under control for the most part. My weight it ok, higher than I'd like, but for some weird reason I'm at peace with it. So anyway, I'm just kind of lost right now, but still doing the work. I'm almost done with the series and am actually looking forward to starting from the begining and actally doing the homework and listening without distractions.
Great realization Dagny. I think this is the very essence of the program. I liked what you said and I think if I can remember it (this is the hard part for me, I seem to have selective memory or I realize it ignore it and eat more anyway) I will be taking a page from your book.
I'm not sure where I am right now. I'm still struggling, but still learning, still listening to the podcasts. Right now I'm just trying to become more relaxed and not freak out over over eating episodes. The hardest thing I'm having trouble with right now is listening to myself. I have all the insight there to tell me when to stop to tell me I've had enough to tell me that I won't get any additional pleasure out of eating more, but for some reason that other part of me is just winning. Renee says this is because there is some underlying issue I'm not dealing with. Unfortunately I can't seem to figure it out. Part of me feels like I'm having trouble with dealing with the stress of being a working mom/wife/daughter and binging gives me a release from that. And part of me thinks that I hate my job lately and want to move me and my family to a new city and start a new life because I'm bored out of my mind. I really don't know.
I've been spending less and less time on 3FC and my food obsessing is under control for the most part. My weight it ok, higher than I'd like, but for some weird reason I'm at peace with it. So anyway, I'm just kind of lost right now, but still doing the work. I'm almost done with the series and am actually looking forward to starting from the begining and actally doing the homework and listening without distractions.
I hope everyone is well. Until next week...
Thanks, glad I wasn't nuts.
But this has been helping me...especially with the Easter candy. I've been eating more than I should...but when trying to get myself to stop eating, I remind myself that eating a small portion is OK and will be pleasurable/taste good but if I gorge myself on all of it at once I will just feel sick and it won't be pleasurable. Its helped me stop eating several times this week...
And I like the part when she talks about feeling hungry at your next meal...so eat your meal to feel hungry at your next. That is another thing that I keep coming back to. I am very off track right now, food wise...but I am trying to get back on track. Many times when I have wanted to eat out of boredom, I have thought about that though...if I eat NOW I won't be hungry at meal time...and 70% of the time it has helped me.
I also just listened to the podcast where she recites the bliss tip/trip about royalty...and I want to think of it in that way. I want to enjoy things like my food like it is special/royal. I know fruits and some veggies are super expensive...but I am pretty sure that royalty doesn't eat $1 pizzas or 25 cent bags of chips? No...they probably eat very healthy fruits, veggies, fish ect.
So, everytime when I think of what I want to eat and its crappy like that or I cringe when I think of the price of fruit...I will remember that I am worth it!
Oh, this is the poem/thing I really liked... The chair beneath you becomes a throne. Wherever you now sit, you rest in complete command of your life. Feel the strength and sturdiness that this position affords you. The wisdom and knowledge that emanates from within. You are the benevolent ruler of each of your days. Think of your life as royal and imagine those steps you can take to add even more majesty to your royal being.”
