Hooooo this will be interesting to type out! I haven't done it for a while, maybe I ought to save this on my computer just to remind myself how and why and what happened.
Ok, so I was a large child. I was always taller than everyone else at school. I was head and shoulders above everybody, then obviously since I was so tall, I was quite a lot wider than everyone else. I'm going to dig out some photos and decide when I really got "fat" but I remember being quite a slim thing at 7. I had gone on a doctor-controlled diet. 1000kcals a day. I remember being STARVING for lunch. I'd wait around the kitchen table and watch the clock until it turned 12noon so that I could have lunch! I remember my parents getting rid of the deep fat fryer, and then living on oven chips. I was a fussy eater when I was a child and probably kept Bird's Eye in business through my fish finger eating habits!
So I got fat, and I remember my mother telling me, "You're almost as fat as so and so now..." and she was huge! Thanks mum! So if I was fat then I should behave like a fat girl right? We used to live right in the middle of 3 sweet shops! I could cross the road to get to one, or walk next-door-but-one to get to the other. I think I spent most of my pocket money on sweets and ice creams. I remember being given £5 and spending it all on sweets with my friend.
So when I got to secondary school I didn't quite have the same opportunity for sweet buying but the only things I liked for school dinners were sausage rolls and hot dogs, chips and chocolate pudding! Other times when there was stuff I didn't like I ate cream crackers and cream cheese.
When I was 14 my parents moved house and I lived with my grandparents during the week so that I could still go to school. Oh my goodness I hated it there! I hated being fat, I hated not being able to walk to school (about 15 minutes) with my friend, I hated not being able to go to the shop after dark (less than 5 minutes away), I hated that they watched the holiday program, that my grandmother wrote me a letter with house rules in! That I couldn't have a pet there, that she called my favourite poet "mad" (Spike Milligan - manic depressive. SO?), etc! The one thing I could seemingly control was my weight. I skipped lunch. I was unhappy at school and didn't have many friends. Then I started skipping breakfast - I remember "washing up" clean bowls and spoons in the sink and only eating half a plain biscuit (cookie) for breakfast to "boost my metabolism"
(OMG something just hit me - remind me to talk about weekends!). Then when I got home from school I would eat whatever she cooked for me. Usually. There was a nice argument when I think I might've had an oddly horrified look on my face when she put 3 fish fingers that she had FRIED IN LARD in front of me! So she asked me what was the matter and I said, "They're swimming in grease..." AND she knew I was "dieting". I think that was the same night as the mad comment about Spike Milligan. I was obviously really excited about the new book I'd bought and she made that comment. Anywhoo, so most weekdays would go like that, then I would eat whatever I wanted at weekends, since I was home with my mum and dad and happy. I remember we used to have great roast dinners and huge creamy desserts and all bloomin sorts! Anyway, over that 18 month period I lost 28lbs and looked pretty good - I actually wore vests for the first time ever and some cute hippy clothes.
Then I went back to school for 6th form and became a border. I loved it! However I wasn't loving school dinners twice a day! Breakfast was good though! I started lifting weights then - I'd be the one with the key to the weight room when it went missing!
I was also swimming almost every day in free periods and at lunch. Unfortunately my grades suffered because of all the exercise I was doing! YES REALLY! I didn't really want to acknowledge that fact, but it was true, so I dropped a subject and stopped swimming and weightlifting and bucked up my grades, although not enough since I still had to resit after the two years. During 6th form we were allowed into town in our free periods. Most people went to the big supermarket next door to buy bread for our toaster, tea, sweets etc etc. I wish I'd found healthy eating then, I could've bought all the healthy stuff I needed and continued exercising and I would've been fantastic! But instead I bought sweets and I remember bingeing one day at lunch. Needless to say I regained all the weight I'd lost while staying at grandma's.
After 6th form I worked in a sweet shop
I'm still trying to work out the logic that I thought it would be a good idea!!!! Anyway, so I put on an extra 14lb in about er 3 months or something! When I left that all came off again, and I took a year out, moved into a rented room with a family and did an engineering placement. I tried to restrict what I ate but I remember it mostly being macaroni cheese and english muffins! For lunch we would either go to this burger van that did amazing (fried food) sandwiches, or we'd have fish and chips! So I only stayed about the same that year, although I did go to the gym and go out dancing a lot with my friend.
Then I went to Uni and tried to look after myself better. I remember trying to like pork... It didn't happen then! I can't remember much about what I ate, but I don't think I cooked in the kitchen much! My first year at Uni I had a long-distance relationship with a boy I adored
he still gives me a bit of the goose bumps now! However we broke up because I wanted to marry him (never ask a boy after 6 months if he'll marry you!), and another time we had a bit of an argument while he was out partying with his mates and I was in my dorm. Oh and another time I remember asking him if my fat bothered him and I said I'd lose weight for him and not for me. (DUH!) And while he didn't exactly say that it bothered him, I could see it in his eyes. (He had previously been bigger himself). So it all fell apart and I wanted to "show him" that I could be thin and sexy!
And I was devastated and love sick and I probably didn't eat for about a week! I also entered my first 5k run then. I went out "training" once with my friend (now DH) and once on my own and I found it so hard that I basically walked the race. I lost about 7lbs between breaking up with that guy and the summer.
That summer I was kicked out of Uni (lovesick bunnies tend not to do much Uni work...) and I got a summer job in a kitchen!
I lost another 7lbs while I was working there, since I didn't want to make anything to eat when I came home from work and my meanie mum wouldn't make anything for me, I remember her saying, "You've been making sandwiches all day, make yourself one!"
So I ended up living on Weetabix!
I also had mild fibro while I was working there and for the next 6 or so months and I lost another 7lbs.
I went to a new Uni, decided to eat right once and for all, joined a gym and actually went, went to body combat (fuelling the desire for kickboxing) and step and legs bums and tums and stuff like that. I also carried on lifting. I remember when I was at 6th form reading in Zest that Jennifer Aniston's trainer had her lift heavy weights because heavy weights built muscle and increased metabolism. I have ALWAYS lifted heavy because of that. However I only used machines, but they were better than nothing! So I lost about 14lbs that year.
My 2nd year at that same Uni I moved in with my then boyf (now DH) and I continued "dieting" on about 1200kcals. The first time I'd properly counted. I used to keep a diary and I'd be on about 1200 during the week and a little more at weekends. I also started kickboxing.
I dropped another 14lbs to where I am now.
During my final year dieting was still on my mind, but I only managed to maintain. I'd cycle to Uni some days and still kickbox 3 hours a week.
My first year of employment (last year) I decided to get down to it. I started eating 6 mini meals. Lifting heavy, I invested in dumbbells and barbells at home and started running. I completed lots of 5ks, a couple of 10ks and last October a half marathon. I lost another 7lbs before last May until wedding mania hit and I've kinda lost the plot since then and am up 14lbs since last May.
I need to find my groove again. I KNOW I can do it, I just wish these last few pounds were as easy as the first few!
re: Weekends. See when my weekend binging began? It's been ingrained since I was 14 years old that as long as I was really strict during the week I could stuff my face at weekends. That has got to STOP! I almost never eat off plan during the week, but weekends are very rarely on plan.