Robin: OMG! I am sorry you took that so far from what I meant! Mea culpa!
I was trying to say that no person is superior in their way of doing things than any other person. We all have to choose our paths. I did not mean to touch off such a nerve!! Wow!
I'm sorry I added a post. I was trying to offer my support and it wasn't taken as it was intended. Wow.......
Robin: OMG! I am sorry you took that so far from what I meant! Mea culpa!
I was trying to say that no person is superior in their way of doing things than any other person. We all have to choose our paths. I did not mean to touch off such a nerve!! Wow!
I'm sorry I added a post. I was trying to offer my support and it wasn't taken as it was intended. Wow.......
You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all. You said nothing "wrong". You said what you were feeling and for that there is no need to apologize.
Of course we all have to choose our paths. That goes without saying, I believe, as there is definitely not one path to take. There are many. I just don't see how the word superior comes in here. But that's okay - I don't have to.
sac⋅ri⋅fice: the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.
But quite frankly it was the sacrifice part that really got me. I just want people to realize that losing weight and the effort that goes into it is NOT a sacrifice. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's just soooo completely the opposite. To me, by remaining morbidly obese I was really and truly sacrificing so very much. More then I ever could have known - back in the day. By remaining morbidly obese and not taking the steps to be a healthy weight I was giving up a higher quality of life. I was giving up joy. I was giving up happiness. And peace. And a good nights sleep. I was giving up confidence. I was giving up pleasure. I was giving up being the best Mom that I could be. I was giving up being the best wife and friend and daughter and neighbor and citizen that I could be. I was giving up being the best me that I could be. I sacrificed it all - for some food. Again, it's the hindsight thing.
What I do now, how I live, how I eat, how I exercise is no sacrfice. I've given up the high quantity/high calorie food. I've given up the sedentary lifestyle. - in exchange for something much more precious and valuable.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 04-14-2009 at 12:01 PM.
To me, by remaining morbidly obese I was really and truly sacrificing so very much. More then I ever could have known - back in the day. Again, it's the hindsight thing.
I completely agree with this statement. I look over the years that I have remained obese (about 10) and how much I have given up to be fat! Ugh!
I like the idea that the choices I'm making aren't sacrifices. That they only feel that way because I don't fully understand the reality yet. I like feeling like I'm dropping away dead weight (so to speak I don't mean actual weight here, but the habits and things in our life that we change), not making sacrifices.
On the other hand, just because a choice is worth it, doesn't mean you aren't giving something up. I think we sometimes sabotage ourselves by not recognizing that are giving things up, even if that thing is "having a pint of ice for dinner several times a week." Even if eventually we couldn't imagine ever wanting that thing again, it may still be feel like a loss at first.
So it's kind of a paradox. But then, I tend to take paradox as a sign that I'm on the right track. Complexity with a certain simplicity to it.
I have been on this site a long time too so I know how you feel. I have never been a maintainer or featherweight. Since my son was 2 years old (he is now 17) I have not been in onderland. The closest I came was 200 pounds and that was in 2001. My weight has went up and stayed up since then. I am determined to be a onderlander, featherweight and maintainer. Something's got to give. I haven't been jealous of anyone on here because they lost the weight. I just know that they have more determination and drive to do it. What upsets me is that I see other women tickers who are either around my past weight or weighed more than me and now they have lost more weight than I have.
Sorry, but I have to say I totally agree with Slashnl post. I do understand the word sacrifice there and I do believe I have to make sacrifices to control my weight where I want it to be...
Going to the gym 6 days/week, coming home exhausted after (sometimes) 12 h/work and have to prepare my salad for the next day, not being able to go to parties and friend/family gatherings, so I don’t binge on food (I am addicted to it), having to avoid chocolate, ice cream, pizza, donuts, cheese cakes, and so many other things I LOVE because it will put me in binge mode is a huge sacrifice to me... (If those things aren't sacrifice, so why so many people struggle with it when they want to lose weight, even when they have enough knowledge to understand what happen to their bodies?)
But I choose not to have my beer/wine every weekend, or not going out to dinner so often (I can't control myself - I know better) because I want to be a better person and feel good and healthy. And I think it is a sacrifice and totally worth it!
So no offense to anyone... I just want to point out that each person have a point of view about anything in life and its experience...
So what is a sacrifice to one isn't necessary to other and we have to respect that...
I also think that the thing is for most of us here, that "the food" doesn't make us happy. Not in the long run. We need to remember that. It tastes good - and then we have to deal with the consequences. It is a temporary enjoyment that brings on long term unhappiness and misery.
I finally stopped looking for short term gratification and started wanting and seeking long term satisfaction.
I think it's still very difficult to overcome the secret (or not so secret) suspicion that even though we may say "to each his/her own," we really believe there may actually be a "best" way to do this, and perhaps even only one "right" way, and anyone else is doing it wrong (or at least in a "second class" way).
I sometimes feel as though I have to justify my "slow" way. There must be something "wrong" with me, that I can't do this the "right" way or at least the "normal" way, which of course is losing it as fast as physically possible, and being always "perfectly on plan." The longer you can go without a slip, the "better" you are, isn't an uncommon feeling.
Even here, it's a very common opinion that anyone not putting 100% effort into diet and exercise, just isn't committed or serious about weight loss - there's something wrong with them. We still talk about "being bad," when we talk about being imperfectly on plan.
I cringe when I think of what I WAS willing to sacrifice on the alter of fast weight loss, but on the other hand it was also scary what I wasn't willing to sacrifice. No one can tell us what, whether, or how we should sacrifice, or what are priorities SHOULD be - we've got to figure that out on our own.
I have nothing against "fast" ways, except that alternatives are rarely discussed, so if someone find they can't do it fast, they think they can't do it at all, and may give up, as a result. I'd like to see more stories of slow ways, not because I think they're superior, but because I want the word to get out that it's not only possible, but that someone has tried it and is succeeding.
Well, I have to say that I've sacrificed pretty much all of my free time to my weight loss journey. I'm one of those people who has to stick to a pretty strict, low calorie/low carb diet, and I work out at least six days a week, sometimes twice a day, plus work full time. I'm a single homeowner, and between my commute, chores/yard work, and my workout schedule, I don't have a lot of time to do other stuff. To me that's been a pretty significant sacrifice, but I lose weight so slowly as it is, and if I back off on my workout routine at all, I stop losing. So at this point in my life I choose to lose weight, or I choose to have a social life/hobbies.
I mean, sometimes I miss ice cream, sure, but I mostly have always eaten pretty healthy. I just tried to be a vegetarian for ten years, not realizing that I was carb intolerant, and I packed on almost all my weight by trying to stick to a lifestyle that worked for me morally, but not physiologically. So what I've given up isn't so much the comfort food (okay, pasta. I really miss pasta), but having the *time* for other stuff I enjoy.
It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, but it's still a choice that some of us make. I have mostly been staying out of this conversation, but I only put this out there in case anyone is lurking and feeling bad about themselves for feeling like they *are* sacrificing something to lose weight.
I won't blow sunshine up your skirt - you need to vent and this is a great place to do so! we've all been in your shoes but so what, you're in them NOW and need to get it off your chest! vent away!
HOWEVER, my personal rant is that i LOVE absolutely LOVE hearing how someone dropped into a new decade, lost weight easily, fit into clothes, feel beautiful, whatever! the NSV thread is also one of my favourites!!! I LOVE seeing people and succeeding and it spurs me on just a smidgen more!! SO PLEASE DON'T EVER STOP POSTING SUCCESSES GIRLS! EVER! Hiding our accomplishments, thinking we're bragging or not worth the accolades, that's total BS !!
I've been on both sides of this so I can relate to it all! I spent over twenty years feeling like it was hopeless, that I would never be able to get the weight off. I've been guilty of many a hateful thought towards a skinny girl over the years.
A year and a half ago when I first came back to 3fc I came across Robin's story and it was so motivating to me. I had finally reached that point where I knew I had no choice but to change things. Now I've lost most of the weight and I'm so glad that there are all of the success stories here that motivated me and showed me it was possible. We need the success stories to give us hope.
I understand your frustration Jenn, I wish I could hold your hand and help you through it. In my experience weight loss is a road you have to find your own way on. Don't stop reading what works for others. Just take what works for you from each person. Don't beat yourself up for not losing fast. Fast is wonderful, but not the only way to get there.
I have mixed emotions. I think that everyone here has struggled with weight for a long time. I have struggled for about 20 years (Im 31). I have been obese for 2/3 of my life and I am FINALLY losing weight and I am sorry if that makes you jealous but I am going to celebrate for every pound, every inch, and every size. I want to remember how it feels to be so fat that I cant get on the floor and play with my daughter and I want to remember the excitement when i realized that my size didnt start with a 2. But I also know what it is like to see everyone around you losing wieght and feeling like I was the only one that wasnt losing weight. It is a horrible feeling. So just hang in there. My advice is dont read the celebration posts until you can feel excited for those celebrating. You will get there.
I struggle every day. Yes I have lost 30 pounds and it was hard work but I still have about 60-70 more to lose and I just gained 11 pounds in 9 days. So even the people that have successes also have failures.
kaplods - BRAVO for you! I think it's so very sad when people allow their weight to stop them, only for fear of what *others* might think. I am in your boat, i do as i please. Now, i do have insecure days but not often.
This thread has been GREAT! I know that twinge of jealousy when someone loses and you know, until now, i never realized it was guilt over my own actions (or lack of) that was the actual root of those feelings. What an eye-opener! Not that i won't still have those twinges but if i look at myself and see a LOT of room for improvement then i'll know it's more guilt.
This thread prompted me to take a long (for me) walk today and i even broke a sweat. When that scale moves or doesn't move i want to be fully aware of the work i did and the times i slacked.
I don't mean actual weight here, but the habits and things in our life that we change), not making sacrifices.
"imperfectly on plan" 
