I'm just posting this to see where we all stand on this. The poll is anonymous, so we can be brutally honest about things. Then, if you choose to share your feelings, you can but you don't have to.
Good Morning, all you beautiful ladies. I hope that you all had safe and happy halloweens. My lil bumblebee got more candy at the 4-5 houses we went to than I used to get on an entire block.. I think that people are amazingly generous when you're cute and small. Isn't that a sad metaphor for life!
I am going to look into the WW meetings and actually going. I think that the only way I'm going to make any progress is to be accountable to someone face to face and know that someone besides me is going to see what direction that scale is moving in.
I am actually making quite a few changes in my life. I am also looking for someone to come in and clean our house once a week. I just am realizing that when your husband works a 50-60 hour workweek and is taking two MBA classes each week ( and driving 4 hours per week getting to and from them), that you just can't rely on him for too much help, and quite understandably so. Meanwhile, there's me with my 30 hour-week schedule, which isn't bad at all, but with Aaron it gets to be a lot. We're doing Flylady somewhat, and we're doing a nice job of picking up after ourselves, but it's the heavy cleaning I can't seem to find the time to do. Am I completely lazy or what? I'm having some mixed feelings about this decision...even though it's survival for us, these days, it's not the way that I grew up, and I'm having trouble being at peace with it. Maybe I'll find more peace when I see my beautifully clean house looking back at me!
I'm doing an at-home day, so I'm looking forward to reading all of your posts and answering as many as possible after this crazy crazy week...
Hey all! I skipped WW again this week-I know I am the same or up because I weighed myself at the gym-BUT I feel really good about myself because i had two sessions with the trainer this week, and I have done cardio three times already! SO that is probably why I am the same or up...I will WI next week tho-I promise...
Jayne-I completely agree with you about the housecleaning. As you guys know, DH and I are recently married. Growing up, my mom was a total neat freak. I resolved not to be that way. unfortuately, DH is messier than I am-so we are having a hard time meeting in the middle. We have no kids yet, but we both have very stressful jobs-I work 40-50 hours a week, which is actually not bad for a doc, but I am usually home first. this means i do most of the food shopping, cooking, and cleaning. And I just hired a cleaning lady-becuase I am way too stressed at work to come home and have to clean-I was feeling like a slave! I know lots of women do it and take care of their kids and my hat goes off to you all -But I can't do it! the cleaning lady is like $40 to clean the entire house-worth it to me-I spend that much going out to lunch in two weeks!
The thing is, I feel like this is reasonable-so why do I feel the need to justify it? Why do I feel like, if i can't do it all, I am a bad wife or something? And it will be even more work when we have kids(although I will drop my work hours)
Hope everyone is doing well-I'm going back to reread posts
Lori
How is evryone today? We've got some interesting topics floating around right now. Yesterday I ate two points over & now today I'm feeling incredibliy guilty about it. I'm already dreading my WI on Monday & its all b/c I ate over two points yesterday & the day before I used up my banked points. Why do I make myself feel like crap about it? Today is a new day however & its going to be a good one I have the day off & have a ton of housework to catch up on. Seems like since hubby is in school & working I get to do most of the housework now. It sucks but there's nothing I can do about it. DH is really stressed right now b/c in his one class the class average is 23% & he got 0% on his midterm! I'm not going to bother him about mundane things like housework.
So we have another dilemma happening in our house that I don't know how to handle. I'm wondering what you girls would do? Dallas' brother is living with us. He's 20 & he had planned on going to school this year but it didn't work out so he moved in with us. He is really struggling trying to find his niche in life. He is literally worrying himself sick. He's giving himself headaches & stomachaches. THe thing is Dallas & I don't know how to talk to him. He is what I would call a loner. He stays in his room constantly despite our effort to include him in our lives. He won't go out with us. He even eats in there. He works with Dallas but doesn't talk to anyone at work-including his own brother. If you say anythign to him he gets really defensive-even with simple things like telling him his parents called & he's suppoed to call them. He also always jumps to the worst case conclusions. Like if we say his parents called he always is like "what happened? Are they alright?" We try to joke around with him but he doesn't respond. I think he's a little shy & he has confidence problems. He acts like he is surrounded by idiots but I think that's a protective mechanism. I can tell he really cares what other people think & he automatically assumes they think the worst so he might as well spend time with the only person he trusts not to hurt him-himself. He's really gruff when he talks & he just ignores us most of the time. Like when you come home & people are sitting in the room where the door is you generally greet them-right? Not him. He just walks right by us without saying anything. If we say something to him first he might grunt a response but mostly he just pretends he didn't hear us. Its like we have this pissed off stranger inthe house that we have to tiptoe around. I feel sorry for him because he has no confidence & deosn't know how to deal with people or life. I don't know how to handle someone like this b/c I'm a very outgoing person & I can usually draw people out. Usually I can make them feel comfortable but with him I just don't get it. I wouldlike to talk to him about lightening up a bit. If he makes such a huge production out of little things in life he is never going to survive. I worry what will happen when he has to face a real life changing crisis. I would like to talk to him about not putting so much pressure on himself. Dallas used to be the same way. My father-in-law for the most part is a nice guy but when it comes to his boys he puts a lot of pressure on them to succeed. He made a lot of mistakes in his life & I think he feels he wasted a lot of years & he doesn't want the boys to make mistakes like he did so he rides them pretty hard. Their Dad has been phoning here quite often to ask Shawn if he figured out what he's going to do yet. It doesn't help. SO these boys are so afraid of failing that they put a ton of pressure on themselves not too. When Dallas failed his first class in University 5 years ago-he lied to his parents about it & then he lied when he dropped out of school b/c he was scared of his Dad's reaction. Its so weird & stressful. I feel like I need to talk to Shawn to help him realize life doesn't need to be such a struggle. I don't feel like we can go on like this. He is so unapproachable though. I was thinking of maybe writing him a letter & then if he wants to talk about it he can or if he just wants to pretend I didn't say anything. However I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I don't know if maybe I should just keep my mouth shut or what. Shawn really worries me & I want to help him. He doesn't know how to deal with stress & he sits in his room thinking constantly making himself crazy. Last night he was on the phone with his Dad & he was crying the whole conversation & then he shut himself in his room & had his lights out by 8pm. This morning when he left he didn't eat breakfastb/c his stomach hurt & he had a headache. One of my instincts is to mother him but I don't think he would take it well plus I think he really needs to learn how to cope on his own. I ope I expalined this all enough to you that you can give me your opinion on what you would do.
Jayne & Lori, don't feel guilty about getting a cleaning lady. I think it shows you have your priorities in order.
hey all... was in a meeting this morning and a little busy today trying to get things in the mail that I forgot about.... Ooppps!!! I think hubby and I are going to lunch at a pub we haven't been to in awhile. Yippppeeee....
Other than that.... I am super tired still. Absolutely no energy and it sucks. When I get home, it's all I can do to get my butt off the couch. I dread going upstairs to bathe and put Emma to bed. Last night she woke up at 12 am something and was screaming bloody murder (no pun on halloween). Hubby went in to see what the matter was, but she still didn't calm. So I went in and she came to bed with us. But she was all riled up for like 2 hours. So we are all tired today. I wonder if she had a bad dream, but does that happen to 2 year olds??? She can't tell us what is wrong, so I don't know. She doesn't seem sick and I took her temp this morning and it is normal. So who knows.
Wow, RIna, your brother-in-law is very lucky to have someone as insightful and sensitive as you around. I haven't seen him or anything, but it sounds to me like classic depression. It leaves you unable to cope with anything, and you're unable to do the littlest thing at all.
I think your idea about writing the letter is a good one. This is the only way you might get him to hear that you do care about what is happening to him and that life doesn't have to be this hard. That is also a nice out you've left him, when you say that if he doesn't want to talk to just pretend the letter didn't happen.
I wonder if it would help him feel better to know that most depressions are chemical things that are happening in your brain and there is nothing you did that caused it -- it isn't your fault. There may have been a catalyst, but it all would have happened the same way eventually, because it's a chemical reaction in your brain that you have no control over, except with medication. Lori would know more about that than I do, but there's my two cents worth.
Maybe it would help to to have his brother write a line or two, telling him about when he went through similar things and how Dad is Dad and you have to learn to live your life your way in spite of the high expectations and pressures.
You sound like you have remarkable insight into the situation, though, so I have no doubt that you will find the right thing to do to help him. Good luck.
Lori, I think they call it Superwoman Complex, these feelings that we have. If we can't do everything perfectly, there's lots of guilt. Someday we will get past this, hopefully, because we have nothing to feel guilty about. It is our hard work that earns the money to pay someone to come in and clean, and it's our choice to spend quality time with our families rather than struggling to keep a house in perfect order and being a less than perfect spouse and mother.
We talk about in our parenting classes at work the night terrors that happen to children. They start around 2 years of age and continue up to age 4 or so. It's more than a nightmare, but no one's really sure what causes it. It scares parents quite a bit too, because it seems there is nothing they can do to reassure their little one. Do you think that's what she had? Have a fun lunch with your boy!!!
hey girls. just in from taking the GRE. not sure how i did, but at least it's over. so yeah, i'm really not sure why weight is so psychological. because really, that's most of it right there. it's such a mind thing isnt it?
Jayne, it seems like something is scaring her, because when she wants out of the crib, she doesn't scream like that. She screams like the crazy people in horror movies do. When we get her, she will not calm down and hugs don't even help. It takes about an hour for her to calm down and lay back down (usually with us because she won't go back alone). Glad to know the night terrors are at this age. I know she isn't sick, so it has to be something. I am going to keep monitering it and see if I can tell what is going on. Hopefully it won't be every night. Thanks for the info...
Hey Ladies I think we're all superwomen!
and If i could have a cleaning woman I would
theboy and i had a conversation at 1:30 this morning and was so angry i didnt ge to bed till 3:30
I will go into specifics later
but I just emailed him saying I want o be in this relationship but I also want respect
lets just say last nights chat left me feelign convenient
grrrrr
anyway be back when i'm a work i gotta grab lunch
Jen-here is some info on night terrors and nightmares in kids from some medical textbooks:
Night Terror:
This disorder is defined as repeated abrupt awakenings from sleep characterized by intense fear, panicky screams, autonomic arousal (tachycardia, rapid breathing, and sweating), absence of detailed dream recall, amnesia for the episode, and relative unresponsiveness to attempts to comfort the person. [87] [88] Because sleep terrors occur primarily during delta sleep, they usually take place during the first third of the night. These episodes may cause distress or impairment, especially for caretakers who witness the event. Sleep terrors may also be called night terrors, pavor nocturnus, or incubus.
The prevalence of the disorder is estimated to be about 1% to 6% in children and less than 1% adults. In children, it usually begins between the ages of 4 and 12 years and resolves spontaneously during adolescence. It is more common in boys than in girls. It does not appear to be associated with psychiatric illness in children. In adults, it usually begins between 20 and 30 years of age, has a chronic undulating course, is equally common in men and women, and may be associated with psychiatric disorders, such as posttraumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and others. An increased frequency of enuresis and somnambulism has been reported in the first-degree relatives of patients with night terrors.
Treatment
Nocturnal administration of benzodiazepines has been reported to be beneficial, perhaps because these drugs suppress delta sleep, the stage of sleep during which sleep terrors typically occur.
Of note, nightmares are common in children before age 5, and more likely in girls than in boys.
Rina-It sounds like Shawn is suffering from depression. Try to get him to a couselor, and if he won't go, then at least to his primary doctor.
Lori
Hmmmm Lori, now I am wondering what is going on. Maybe she is just having a bad week. I will have to monitor it and see what happens. It doesn't happen every night tho, and this was only the 2nd time it happened.
Ate lunch at the pub and I am stuffed. Yum, pub food rocks!!! Now I guess I better get some work done!
Having a great day so far, very OP. Won't e able to get in much exercise, but I am going to try to take at least a quick walk. Had a pretty good Halloween- five of us went downtown and wander around. All the stores stay open and hand out candy. Adults and kids are welcome to trick-or-treat, so it's pretty cool. I did get some candy, but handed a good chunk of it over to the guys (they are convenient as human garbage disposals). Then we went back to the house and handed out some candy to straggling trick-or-treaters and sat around being silly. Pretty fun Still, definitely ate to much candy, but I'm making up for it today!
Jayne- What a great poll idea! I always say I would never take drugs to lose weight, but I think that's more because I'm scared of side effects than because I wouldn't like to be able to pop a pill and wake up skinny. Ditto surgery. So really I'm just a fraidy cat
Lori- You're doing great at the gym! I'm feeling some serious inspiration.
Rina- I'd agree with Jayne that your BIL might be depressed. That's horrible that his dad's so rough on him. My parents used to be pretty demanding about acheiving stuff (seriously expected that I should pull straight A's in high school, etc), and I finally just had to tell them that I was doing my best and I was working at a level I was comfortable with and I wasn't going to work harder because I didn't feel like killing myself. It took a lot of guts, but they have mellowed out quite a bit.
Jen- No more talk of pub food- you're making me hungry!
Kier- you better be planning to dish on the boy! Hope everything works out!
PJ- I bet you feel so much better being done with the GRE. I have to start thinking about taking that soon and I am NOT looking forward to it. I bet you did fine!
I think now would be a good time for me to take off, as I am supposed to finish early on Fridays and somebody is getting chastised next door, and I totally should not be hearing it (I HATE thin walls- somebody remind me to start bringing headphones to the lab)
Friday's Poll and thread
