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Originally Posted by goalnorolls
I've posted this in other places but this is my home since I have over 100lbs to lose...This is posted under what was your turning point.
I am 32 years old. I have a son who will be 2 in october and an 11 year old. When my oldest son was 4 I was down to 140 by dieting. My natural weight was always about 165 but phen /fen took me down. for over a year I took the drugs until they went off the market. I had a female problem that caused a hormonal imbalance and the dr gave me a shot of depo and I bloomed quickly to 185 lbs.
The depression hit me hard. But I suddenly didn't care. I ate my way to 230. My husband and I got married in Jamaica in 2000 and the photographer thought I was pregnant. I think I've been numbly living life. Not caring about weight. Trying diets and excercise but not sticking with it.
I got pregnant after trying for 3 years and no one knew I was pregnant. I had been around 260 pre pregnancy , began having gall bladder issues and lost weight while pregnant. After having my son I was down to 230. But it didn't last long. I now cannot even get clothes at walmart or target. Nothing fits. I wear a 24 in stretch jeans but this is a huge wake up call. I can't get any bigger. I won't accept this size anymore. I realized I wasn't living anymore, I was avoiding living. Social situations cause me to freak out. I don't want to see anyone I know. I ran into an old friend and she honestly had to ask 'are you liz?' and I said yes I am 100 lbs heavier. I just don't understand why my life has to be like this. Recently my husband got us tickets to a concert and I cried for a week because it had been on the news that the seats at this venue were small for even normal sized people. I knew I couldn't go. So I lied to my husband and told him I couldn't find anything to wear and I couldn't go so take oldest son. They went and I sat at home- fat.
I started thinking about surgery AGAIN and decided I have to give it a 6 month try. My only goal is to lose 30lbs, I've joined weight watchers and decided after the 30lbs I will join curves. I won't lose this on my own, I will need help... Weight watchers will work with what the family eats- no special foods. I have to do this to chase my 2 year old around, get on the floor and play with him, and not be an embarrasment to my now jr high son. I want to feel sexy again. I want to be the woman I was before, not this thing I am now. I have all these reasons I'm naming to benefit everyone else but its really for me. I'm my biggest critic and I know someday I'll be below 200 and I'll feel good. I'll be able to goto amusement parks with the kids, be able to goto concerts and not worry about seats, I'll be able to be intimate without disgusting myself. I think I'm the luckiest woman in the world because my husband tells me I'm beautiful and sexy everyday. Soon I will feel that way again. Soon I will be healthy and fit and be able to be the wife and mother everyone deserves.
What is different this time is that I know I have to do this. I know I have to depend on myself and not blame everyone else- kids husband- for the my diet failures. This is the last 'diet' this is the last time I will have to do this.
The changes in one week are enough to keep me going. We eat together at the table every night, I make a healthy meal for everyone. No more pizza, hot dogs or cheap spaghetti nights with buttery garlic bread. I bought a grill and I grill meats out every night. I eat all my meals and snack on yogurt and almonds.
When I weighed last week I weighed more than I did 9 months pregnant - 284lbs now. I am so close to the 300 mark and I'm only 5'4".
Anyway mine wasn't a moment but a reflection. A realization that everyone deserved the better me. The me that is deep inside all of this fat. A realization that there are so many things I want to do in life that I can't physically do. I want to take my sons to the water park on the weekends, I want to goto concerts and plays, I want a better job but hardly look professional.
I'm earning my self respect right now. I refuse to sit down and calculate anything more than 30lbs. When you have over 100lbs to lose its enough to make you stop changing your eating habits. I'm just going to concentrate on the first 30. I've talked my mother into joining weight watchers too. She told me Kirstie alley said she lost 30 and felt so different. Thats what I want too, to feel more energetic. Then exercising will be so much easier. For now I'm doing yard work, cleaning house and keeping busy at night. I already feel different.
Liz
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Hi Liz,
I too am new to this 3fatchicks website and I too have over 100 pounds to lose. In fact, when I started losing weight, I had exactly 200 pounds to lose. Now I need to lose 113 to get to my goal of 135 pounds.
I think what helped me to get my mind made up this time in losing weight was that always before I was dieting for my husband, my child, my parents...everyone except for me. This time, I am losing the weight for ME and then anyone else who benefits from my weight loss is just an extra added bonus. By losing weight for me, there is no race against time and there is no guilt for the occasional gain (it will happen regardless if you stay on the program or not). It's a second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day process. Of course, you're not new to dieting, so this isn't new news to you. Right?
Like you, I have a husband that adores me regardless if I'm fat or not, BUT would like to have a normal size wife. I can't blame him for that, cuz I want to be a normal size wife as well. We both want the same thing and that's alright. He is also my biggest cheer leader and my best friend. But we also need friends that are going through the same thing we're going through and that's why your thread really tugged at my heart. I KNOW your pain. Been there and working through it myself.
I've been in your shoes where I didn't go and do or want to go and do and made excuses why I couldn't go and do because I knew that I couldn't fit into the seats OR be able to keep up with everyone else. What a prison I was in! It's a horrible feeling to be trapped in your own fat and live in dream world that consists only of "If only I were smaller" or "I wish I wasn't so fat" Or "If only I could lose..." The fact of the matter is that everyone on the face of the earth has a serious problem of some sort and we have the choice to face up to it, look it straight in the face and fight OR give up and allow our "demons" to destroy us, whatever it may be. In our case, it's a weight issue. It sucks, don't it?
You're on the right track. Like you, I am going to Weight Watchers as well. I will be there 1 year in October. And like you, I like it because you eat normal food and your family doesn't usually mind what you put on the table.
I'm here if you need someone to talk too during your weight loss journey. It's nice to have a buddy that has the same trials as you do.
Take care!
Melissa
My story...newbie
