So, I'm gonna type up a whole bit thing on my backstory/life depression stuff, but I'm gonna put it at the end for any who may want to skip over it. I'm not looking for any sympathy and I've talked about most the stuff enough now with therapists over the years that it doesn't bother me and I've come to terms with it. More just felt like sharing my experience. Before that though!
Weight related. I weighed in at 237.2 today! I get real excited when the scale goes down now because it's always a new low. On the down side, my blender broke last night
I've ordered a new one from Amazon that should get here in two days.. but no more smoothies for a little bit. Sad days! I'll have to remember to eat more fruits and veggies the normal way. The one I got is a ninja blender! Woot woot!
Onto the sad, sorta unrelated stuff (though it ends happier I swear)
My family is.. off.. My parents got divorced when I was young (like 2 years old, I don't remember it), dad is on wife number four (whom I actually love and hope he stays with this one, other two after my mom were *****es, super mean). Mom remarried once and has been with my step-dad for 15 years now. I lived with my dad up until I was 15 years of age.
Dad was mentally and emotionally abusive. He'd call me fat all the time when I wasn't. I was actually very thin in high school, and very active in sports. He told me my boobs would never be as big as my mom's because my step dad bought her a boob job when I was around 8. I'd get grounded for things like not beating my brother home from school because we walked and he didn't want me hanging around talking to my friends because they were trying to convince me to move in with my mom. He'd throw things at the wall next to where I was standing when I got in trouble. When I tried to say I wanted to move in with her, he wanted me to write down reasons, eventually I mustered up the courage to tell him I was scared of him. His response was that kids were suppose to be afraid of their parents.
Now, at 15 I went over to my mom's house and just refused to go home. We contacted child services, and the police department to make sure that was an okay thing to do, and not breaking any laws. It was fine. My dad reacted by calling and making threats about how I could run and hide, but I'd have to go to school sometime. So then we got to talk to the security guards at school too. Dad raided my stuff at his house and found suicide notes I had written fairly recently, and that's when I started going to therapy. We got a restraining order on dad, and I didn't talk to him for about six years.
So fast forward to more recently, I've been in and out of therapy a lot for depression. I'll feel like I have a handle on it and then stop going to therapy because it's expensive as all ****. About a year ago I started getting physically sick coinciding with a pretty bad depression bout that just wasn't going away. Food wasn't digesting properly, it was sitting in my stomach..which in turn caused a lot of nasty side effects. That's when I started taking medication for my depression. I also moved back in with my mom and step-dad (I had moved out when I was 18). Arguing commenced over whether I should actually have the FMLA that my work gave me because my illness wasn't visible.
My mom and step-dad view what I've been going through for around 14 years now as the same thing they have when they have a bad day at work. Now, my mom and step-dad are not bad people, they truly are trying to help out, they just have a very hard time understanding. My mom is better than my step-dad. My step-dad doesn't believe in mental illness at all. It's just not a thing to him. My half-sister was diagnosed with psychosis, she's sorta the parental favorite, and my step-dad couldn't even really deal with that. He thought she was making choices to see/hear things, and damn near left her on her own to deal with it. My mom said had it been any of us other kids, he wouldn't have stuck with it. How he ended up dealing was he just got a list of how to treat someone with it. He doesn't understand what it is, and doesn't believe in it, but he will act how a doctor tells him to act.
My mom I think I'm starting to get through to, and she really does want to understand. We had a talk when I was there recently about mental illness, and how people with it don't tend to think logically during episodes. She started using my half-sister as an example, and I pointed out it happens with me too. She was having a hard time imagining so I tried to explain by letting her know that if I'm having an episode then I'll think things about how I'm annoying people, people don't really want me around, a place is better off if I'm not there, how people will react if I tell them something they disagree with... that last one is always some far fetched thing that would never actually happen but it's also always very real in my mind and the fear of it has prevented me from being open about things in the past... they aren't logical things because they aren't true, and often I have no reason to think that. I got invited to a party in which all our co-workers were not invited, and not because I overheard it or something, but someone actually texted me and invited me, of course they want me there.. that's not what goes through my head though. I can identify the non-logical stuff after the fact, usually when I talk it over with someone and start picking things apart, but during an episode that stuff is very real. My mom sort of teared up and said she didn't realize, she has been told those thoughts but she always thought I was making excuses for not wanting to go to things or spend time with the family. So possibly a breakthrough with her there.. my step-dad my mom just sort of handles, and I don't really talk to him about stuff.
On the bio-dad side of things.. he went blind a few years back. I wouldn't wish blindness on anyone at all, to be very clear about that. Going blind has improved the way my dad treats people though. I think perhaps he realized he needs family. I actually enjoy spending time with him now. His newest wife also has depression/anxiety and is medicated, we also share the same views on a lot of stuff. The last couple times I've went over there we stayed up chatting until around 2am. My dad even tells me he loves me now, which never use to happen. So that relationship is getting repaired.
So that's that.. sorry it's a book, lol. All that mess probably has something to do with why I suffer from depression, and probably some of the mental factor for weight gain. I am in a much better place now though, and I'm very happy to be taking medication. Ready to get off the extra weight
I actually don't drink that much so that helps but I build it into the extra points but, most importantly, set a limit AND STICK TO IT. Of course, since I don't drink that much my limit is usually just one beer or one glass of wine, but I make sure it's the good stuff (usually high octane beer lol) to make it a bit more worth the points 
