My husband has decided yet again to stick his nose into my quest to get in better shape, and I need some reviews here. I've been lifting since August 1st, and he accompanied me to the gym (which he has NEVER done) yesterday, and immediately began criticising my program and complaining that he didn't want to be married to some "manly woman". Basically he thinks I'm lifting too much, but I had never even considered that until he brought it up-I actually think I'm pretty weak! As insensitive a way to do so as it was, I've never done this before and now I'm second guessing myself. Here's what I do.....I'll just list weight, but I am now up to 3 sets of 10 reps on each.

All machine weights-I'm not confident enough to do free weights yet
Leg press-100 pounds
Leg extension-56 pounds
(Reverse)-66 pounds
Adduction-60 pounds
Abduction-60 pounds
Pullover-45 pounds
Torso pulldown-55 pounds
(Reverse, pushing up?)-65 pounds
Tricep machine-40 pounds
Chest Press-60 pounds
Ab Roller Machine-45 pounds
Back Extender-50 pounds

I started out about 20 pounds less on all of these, and worked my way up a few pounds at a time. My plan was just to increase my reps now until this weight just got too easy-I've been at the same weight my last 3 or 4 times at the gym. I go every other day. I thought I was doing well-I've gone sown a pants size since I started, but my goal isn't to bulk at all-I just want to tone, lose weight, and feel stronger and solid in general. What do you guys think-is this too much, not enough?

First of all, congratulations on your weight-training and your success so far!!!

And please keep posting here!!!

Lifting is a fairly individualized situation. "They" say that women should do low weights with high reps but each woman on here seems to do things a bit differently from that advice (I know I do). How lifting affects you depends on genetics, eating, the cardio that you do along with lifting, etc etc. A friend of mine was lifting fairly regularly and did bulk up but she's a maniac and is also genetically predisposed to the bulk (she had no fat to begin with)...but most women that I've seen do not bulk. I get defined and not bulk though I seem pretty chunky sometimes when I'm building muscle and haven't yet lost the fat...that can happen but it's temporary.

My suggestion would be to read websites and books on weight training and become as educated as you can (and check in with these ladies often!!!) They are all very knowledgeable. Read the stickies on this forum and educate yourself.

I'd also suggest to keep your husband out of your workout!

I do use the Body for Life, increase the weight on each set, high point, drop back technique but that is because it works for me. I tried the method you are doing and found that 10 reps for 3 sets at the same weight doesn't work for me. Your mileage may vary. I also find that training different body parts on different days works best. I did the 3 days a week for a long time and do better when I break it up.

Again, it's a combination of your weights, age, genetics, food, cardio etc that gives the effect you are looking for. Every program usually needs some tweaking.

Pam posted Krista's site down below and I'll post it here for you. http://www.stumptuous.com/cms/index.php Another great site is http://www.hussmanfitness.org/index.html

Keep learning and it will all work for you!!!

Your husband's fears are unfounded. There are a lot of myths regarding women and weight training. Try to educate him and don't allow him to deter you from your goals. (Hey, he might even be a lil' jealous that you're getting fit)

This is from the Krista Smash website:
http://www.stumptuous.com/cms/displayarticle.php?aid=45

LIE: Weight training will make you huge and masculine.

Probably the worst lie ever. People look at women bodybuilders and say, "Ohmigawd, they're huge and if I lift anything heavy I'll look like that too." Nope. In general, women are not able to build monstrous muscle mass in the same manner as men, due to a number of physiological factors. It's a rare woman that can become a competitive bodybuilder, and to get that big she has to combine genetics, extensive long-term training, strict diet, and supplementation (legal or otherwise).

If you enjoy watching bodybuilding, have a look at the tested (natural, i.e. steroid free) shows versus the untested (anything goes) shows. You will notice a great difference in the builds of the women onstage. A natural female bodybuilder is lean, almost wiry, and certainly not the mythical monsters whom exercising women fear resembling (have a look at my reader letters page to see some examples). Also, women bodybuilders do not normally have the low levels of bodyfat that they do while in competition. Low bodyfat makes muscles stand out, and it changes the contours of the face, making jawlines and cheekbones prominent, which contributes to a rather unnatural look. Bodybuilders about to go on stage for a competition look quite odd, actually, due to dehydration, extremely low bodyfat, and deep tans. During the offseason, competitors' bodyfat is higher, and in clothing, most wouldn't stand out as unusual in any way.

The average woman (that's you) cannot achieve a masculine monster look simply through strength training. You're not going to wake up after a workout and be huge. You don't believe me? OK, then, try to get huge. Just try. And see how far you get. If you don't believe me, check out what happened in my before and after pics. I've had people tell me that they think my legs are "too big" (too big for what?) but the old gams were a whole lot bigger before I started training.
shehulkitude
Thanks to the Mighty Lingster for his artistic interpretation of the right kind of pink weights!

LIE: Men train, women tone.

To be serious about strength training, eliminate the T-word-"tone"-from your vocabulary. Lifting a tiny weight for a hundred reps is a waste of time and energy, plus it never really stresses your muscles enough to make them much stronger. As the good Sgt. Robo says, "More isn't better, better is better." In fact, according to one study in which men and women trained the same muscle group 3 days a week for 20 weeks, "the women made significantly greater relative increases than men in strength." (MacDougall et al, McMaster University)

Women and men have exactly the same skeletal muscle composition. It would not be possible to tell biological sex from muscle tissue alone. But more importantly, there is no such thing as "toning". There is muscle mass and strength gain, and fat loss, and that's it. In purely technical terms, "tone" refers to the ability of the central nervous system to provide passive muscular resistance to being stretched. What you probably think of as "toned" muscles are merely muscles which are not hidden by a lot of bodyfat. In other words, there is no reason why you should waste your time on the stupid little weights when you could be getting tough and strong.

LIE: There is a difference between toning, sculpting, and firming.

Please don't write me asking how you can tone but not sculpt, or firm but not tone, or whatever. There is no such thing (see the next lie). There is only building muscle mass and losing bodyfat, nothing else.

LIE: Muscles grow different ways depending on how you work them.

This school of thought says that if you lift heavy, you'll get huge, and if you lift light weights with high reps, you'll just "tone". AAACK! The T-word again! Muscles only know how to grow one way, and just how big they get depends on gender and genetics.

Okay, this isn't exactly the whole picture. A helpful reader emailed me recently, encouraging me to clarify this point. We have several different types of muscle fibres which respond to different types of training. BUT nevertheless you won't be able to get freaky big unless you try very, very hard and you have one-in-a-zillion genetics. And ultrahigh rep training is a complete waste of your time.

LIE: You can change the shape of your muscles.

You hear a lot from nimrods at the gym about which exercise is better for reshaping your muscles, or for building big peaks on your biceps, etc. Sorry, but the shape of your muscles is genetic. Muscles are attached to bones and joints in a way that is specific to each person's body. As an example of this, look at the bump of people's outer thigh muscles above the knee. You will notice that some people's quads make a bump almost right at the knee, while other people have their quad bump higher up, sometimes quite high above the knee. This is merely an individual variation in muscle attachments. So, no matter what exercises you do, you're not going to change where your muscles attach, and you're not going to change their individual shape. You can, however, make them bigger and stronger.

LIE: Women shouldn't work their leg and butt muscles, otherwise they'll get too big.

Once again we have the fallacy of the "big muscles". Have a look at women bodybuilders' butts and you'll see this isn't the case. The truth is this: by building muscle, we can speed up our metabolism, resulting in more effective fuel (calorie) consumption. In other words, more muscle means less fat in the long run. And where do we find the largest group of muscles in a woman's body? Why, her legs and butt, of course! Neglecting these means neglecting the best area for building calorie-burning muscle. In addition, women tend to have much better lower-body than upper-body strength, so it's very satisfying to work the lower body and see some great results!

LIE: Women should stick to machines and stay away from free weights.

This is another heinous myth. In fact the opposite is true for a variety of reasons. Have a look at the article called "Don't Fear the Free Weights."

LIE: If you build muscle, it will just push the fat out more and make you look bulky.

Sorry to burst the bubble girls, but you're not going to wind up like the Incredible Hulk, ripping through your shirt with the massive expansion of your muscles. The amount that muscle contributes to visible size is negligible compared to the bodyfat.

REBEL - Love the cow in your sig. Very cute. Your routine sounds great to me and the increases in weight (with good form) show you are improving almost as much as the drop in clothing size and pounds. Overall, I just love weights, never know why I slack off when I do.

Like others say around here, this is all very individually based. In my hardest weight training days of low body fat and lots of gym time, I never got to be bulked up and was never described as "ripped". I was really calm and relaxed though, very little stressed me out and I want that back as much as my size 10s.

I second BFL though haven't checked out the woman's version, it is really a great base of "fact" versus fiction on how everything can work together. I like the variety of weights though I do switch around simple versus super sets as well.

Too bad DH doesn't see the gym as an opportunity to be next to you, supporting your goals. DH and I see the gym as a prelude to date night just not often enough.

Keep up the work and the research.

I second these ladies in saying that even if your husband thinks he’s being helpful, it sounds like he either doesn’t know what he’s talking about or he’s a little jealous and he may be (consciously or subconsciously) undermining your efforts for that reason.

In any case, great job on your strength gains so far! I did the machine weights (full body workout 2 to 3 x / week) for a few months before I got so incredibly bored with doing the same thing all the time that I finally decided to take the plunge into other forms of strength training. But as long as you feel happy doing what you’re doing and you’re getting the results you want, I don’t see any reason for you to change anything just yet. It would be a good idea to read up on strength training and educate yourself as much as possible just so you have an idea of what options are out there and what else you might be interested in. Pilates has been an awesome addition to my strength training and it doesn’t involve any of those “scary” free weights. All you need is a mat, some instruction from a class or a video, and maybe a ball. I really like my ball, it’s great for core strength and balance work.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Thanks all for the replies-
Actually my body fat percentage is HORRIBLE. That's what made me so determined to hit the weights in the first place. When I started on August 1st the trainer at the gym measured me with one of those digital things you hold out at arm's length, and it was 34% (gulp)! I haven't had it measured since then, but I'm sure it hasn't changed much this fast. I have a scale at home that measures body fat, but that's just too depressing at this point. I had only been walking, 2.5 miles 3 times a week, since I had my last baby almost a year ago, but I had no idea it was THAT bad until I started the gym. I've always been pretty healthy, but I gained alot of weight with all 3 of my pregnancies-I'm talking 70-80 pounds each, and this is the first time I've had any real problem losing the weight.
Shananigans-how different is Pilates from yoga? I've done yoga for years, and it's all I ever had to do before to stay in shape and keep my weight down. Before I started hitting the gym, I couldn't make it through my whole routine, and I haven't tried since because I've been doing cardio there, too.
Speaking of cardio-all I've been doing so far is the treadmill. On days I lift, all I do is 15 minutes to warm up first. I try to go on my "off days" strictly for cardio, and I do about 45 minutes then.
I guess you all are right about my hubby-he is by no means a fitness fanatic, and he's been on my butt about one thing or another the whole time I've been trying to get in better shape. Either I'm not eating enough, or I have to buy "different food", or I'm spending too much time away from home trying to exercise. Before I just thought that he didn't understand because he's one of those people who SHOULD weigh 500 pounds the way he eats, but he will forever be tall and thin with no effort whatsoever. His comments the other day don't really have anything to do with that though, so it probably is just insecurity. I'll just let that be HIS problem instead of letting it get to me, too. Regardless of how long this takes me to get to my goal, it feels SO good after I work out-not just the emotional "I did it!", but physically, too. I can't imagine giving it up anytime soon-I once had to go 4 days with NO exercise whatsoever b/c of dh's work schedule, and I felt like total crap, and I'm really just getting started!
I'm gonna have to get a body for life book and check it out. So many people on these forums rave about it, and I really have no idea what it is.

Rebel: I am so glad you will to continue to pursue strength training.

Just like you I gained 70 pounds with my last pregnancy. I spent the first few months just doing the cardio and each day I would leave the gym feeling that I just wasn't making any real headway. The scale showed nothing and the tape measurements remained the same.

In order to get to the treadmills at our gym you have to pass the strength training equipment. Each day as I passed by them I kept thinking, THIS is what is missing. I KNEW it but I was just too intimidated to begin. With three months left in my membership I finally decided to ask for help. One of the scariest things I had to do. Anyway, strength training was exactly what I needed to be doing. I began doing a full body program three days a week and my shape really changed for the first time in fifteen years!!

In your original post you had stated that your husband didn't want to be married to a "manly woman." Well, hmmm. I really do think that since I have incorporated the weight training into my program along with clean eating and crazy, hard cardio I look a lot more feminine than I did a year ago. Just this past weekend I went shopping with my mother. I tried on a sundress, walked out to see it in the three way mirror, and two of the salesclerks convinced me that I should own that dress. I know, it's their job to sell. But really, they said that they have seen a lot of women put on that dress and it did not look like that on any of them like it did on me. Want to know what I think it was, the MUSCLES...not big manly muscles but nicely shaped feminine muscles.

Honestly, I no longer do it to lose more weight or further change my shape. I do it for the mental clarity it brings me when I am finished. Just as you described after four days without a workout, I also get a little stressed. The way it helps me look in a sundress, that is just a side effect.

LYDIA - I read your response really quickly and thought your gym required a fitness/strength test to use the treadmill.

Wake up Liza!

Here’s a short article about pilates http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilates

It’s sort of a related discipline to yoga, in that it focuses on the mind/body connection and flexibility and strength, but I would say much more emphasis on strength. Some of the moves are really difficult, at first I couldn’t believe how good of a strength workout I can get just using my own body weight as resistance. You might want to check out a DVD to see if it’s something you might like.

Liza: LYDIA - I read your response really quickly and thought your gym required a fitness/strength test to use the treadmill.


Oh yeah! We take our walking seriously here. In fact, you have to be able to squat the weight of your three year old before you can get near any of the cardio equipment.

Actuallly it was just a poorly written sentence. Sorry about that.

You may become stronger than your husband, but you certainly won't look manly without going to an unnaturally low bodyfat level. Even as a guy wou have to be well under 20% bodyfat to "look" like you lift.

IMHO, women who lift look much fitter and more attractive at the same bodyweight as their untrained peers.

I weight train heavy ( I am one of those manly women your hubby is talking about lol) I pump hard. Congrats on weight training and telll your hubby the women that he see that look like men, Are women who take steriods. The rest of us will just look our very best thats all. oh I can't comment on your program that much because I do mostly free weights I go for complete body shaping. stay strong and have fun.

lol, I must be one of those manly women also. As I point out to my new clients, generally the heavier I lift, the smaller I get. When I started lifting heavy, I dropped two pants sizes in 10 weeks although my scale weight stayed the same.

My only comment on your program is what buffedstuff mentioned: I'd start moving away from the machines towards the free weights. We have a sticky at the top of the forum where a lot of the pros and cons are discussed.

Mel

buffed stuff-i love your avatars...you look great!
and mel-i will look into the free weights. I have yet to venture into that, mainly because I'm not too confident about my form just yet. One question about that....for the same muscle exercises, should I be lifting the same amount of weight when I do switch? This may be a stupid question, but I guess what I'm asking is for the same TYPE of movement, should I start at a slightly lower weight than what I'm doing on the machines, because it seems like it will be more difficult to control the movement myself as opposed to the machine doing it?

The short answer is that there is NO correlation. You need to experiment. So many more muscles and neuromuscular connections are involved (which is what leads to learning how to balance them) that you need to start lighter and work your way up. You haven't "lost stregnth", your muscles are just learning new skills!

Mel