Kayley - while Ian and Reilly make good points, neither of them has any experience with the changes associated with weight loss surgery. In the old-fashioned way, the changes are gradual, but after surgery, it's IMMEDIATE and far more dramatic [i mean, after all, you pretty much can't have anything except liquids right after - it's not like you can dive into a batch of cookies for comfort!]
Here's what I've seen/done/heard about relationships post-op. And it's not just limited to spouses - changes happen with your mother, sisters, father, brothers, friends. One of my sisters became extremely angry with me because she was then the 'heavy one,' and for reasons I'll never understand, she took it out on ME!!!
Because the changes that you have to make with the surgery are IMMEDIATE, one of the first things you do is change your relationship with food. And it's a struggle.
what this means is this: all of those things that you literally swallowed with food will still bother you, but you no longer have a coping mechanism. So, your relationships with people change as well, because you have to change how you're dealing. So, if your mom's constant questions about when you're going to do .... whatever [have a baby, paint the house, get a new job] annoy you now, it's gonna get more annoying.
another thing is that many partners are truly afraid of change and will do ANYTHING to make sure that the person who's had surgery knows it. I have a friend who had surgery, and once he became healthier and more mobile, he wanted to go do things! he wanted them to get on their motorcycles and tour around, go to water parks, all those things he'd missed when he weighed about 450. She flatly refused. She wanted him to stay in their house. period. end of story.
The most successful pair I've known said that they approached this the way they'd dealt with everything else in their lives: together. they talked A LOT. And they had couples counseling - a huge help for them.
Keep talking with each other. involve him in the support groups, in what you're feeling, thinking, how you're reacting. how HE's reacting. He's going to be worried about you anyway, because surgery is scary no matter what. your relationship CAN become stronger, and you CAN have more fun. But it's going to take a lot of communicating from both of you.
As for Ian, he's always seemed like a really nice guy, so i have no idea why his wife left him. sorry about that, dude. you deserve better.
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