[missangelaks]

I think I just need to type for a bit knowing that people who care are reading this.

-I am hitting the sadness part of the grieving process for the my mother...we went through the things she left us this last weekend...looking at what she left, remembering the good times, was hard but necessary and helpful to move to this important stage.

-My daughter is freaking out about leaving with her husband to where he will be stationed in a few weeks and is finding things I've done or said, now or in the past, to be upset about...I just can't do much right. It's hard for me too but I try to see it as the natural way of things...it's supposed to go: have a child, raise that child, help her to be the best person she can be, then let her go with your eyes closed and cringing as she goes out to make the mistakes any human being goes through to become a mature adult. She has been married for almost a year (nov.) and really wants to have a baby...she is young and they really haven't had a chance to live together on there own since they were married...he joined the Marines 1 month after the wedding and has been gone since Jan. I told her my opinion...I think they should wait for kids, there's time for that later, live together where he's stationed for a while get to know each other before they make that huge step...SO I am not being supportive and she is upset with me...Oh AND...I didn't sing to her after she was 7 years old! I think that it's a case of..."I have to get mad in order to leave." I did it when I left home. *sigh*

Anyway! Tonight I'm feeling the cravings of the emotional baggage I still carry from years of stuffing my feelings and anxiety down with various kinds of food products. I have opted to sit here and talk about it in stead of eating any more. Now that I am able to eat different kinds and increasingly larger amounts of said food products , I think this is the point in my recovery that I am most vulnerable...I DON'T WANT TO SCREW THIS UP!!

Those are the big things...but add the new school year starting, trying to get my studio going again, getting more and more attention from the opposite sex (not a bad thing in most cases but I do have "intimacy issues" lol) and you have a person on the edge of a chocolate binge! Ask KO, that's not a good idea!

Thanks everyone, thanks for listening.

Angela

[PhotoChick]

Aw Angela. My sympathies. My mom has been gone 10 years and my dad nearly 5 now, but I can remember how difficult those processes were. My heart goes out to you.

I've never had kids, but your description of your daughter kinda made me laugh - and I really really admire your thoughts about letting your kids go. I know so many parents who hold on to their kids long after they should have butted out. You sound a lot like my mom - offer advice when called for, but don't interfere. Honestly I miss her every day still.

Hang in there ... vent to us whenever. That's what we're here for!

>

[nanj]

I love God, my DH and my children more than anything in this old world. I've seen my children make mistakes and it just about kills me, ate at me until I was couldn't sleep and was so very anxious and ate even more to numb myself. BUT....since they are 38, 35, 33, I've heard them say, "I just did a Nancy!" I just laugh because they seem to think I"ve gotten a whole lot smarter as they have gotten older! LOL!! I couldn't tell them anything when they were and still do use "judgement" a whole lot different than mine. I do see them do things that I don't like, don't approve of, but in the end it is ultimately their life and they have to live with the consequences and I'm there to comfort them and help when every I can. But....No one could tell me anything when I got married at 18 had a baby by the time I was 19 and my DH left for Viet Nam and I was preggos again. I thank God everyday for my dear sweet husband because I was stupid!!!

I've heard my kids talk many times about stuff that they didn't like in their life at home, they had to wear corduroy pants and not one else did, had to pack their lunches, had to work hard at home, had to let us know where they were at all times, had to get good grades or we made them study and hour every night and would pull them out of sports, etc. I tell them they should be over that by now because they are all grown up!! They complain to me because their kids will only wear AE or Tommy Hillfiger, can't afford $3.00 a day lunches for their kids, the kids are lazy, and their grades are mediocre. LOL!

Does my heart hurt for them? Yes. Can I change anything? No. Just love em even when you know the results aren't that good, or they are throwing something up to you. I wasn't and still not a perfect parent, but I love them.
They were there for me during my many, many years of obesity, immobility, helplessness and pain. I'll do the same for them.

JUST LOVE HER ANGE AND BE THERE FOR HER NO MATTER WHAT!

[Kofarq]

I'm sorry about your Mom. Your daughter seems to be well-brought-up in that she has typical reactions to situations. I started picking fights with DH just before he went away to work so it wouldn't hurt as bad, but then I figured it out and told him why I was picking, and we got all sad and soggy.

You have a lovely Girlfriend, I hope she's being there for you, and keeping the 'opposite sex' away. The attention is nicely meant, anyway.

I hope your heart heals sooner rather than later. Best wishes to you.

[missangelaks]

I hope you see that the girlfriend in my avatar pic is my daughter! LOL She really is becoming a friend...more then ever and I am hoping that when she gets to where she's going, we can become even closer. Here's hopin'!

[KO]

Hey Angela:
Its hard to let a Mom go (either Geographically or to Heaven) I'm sure it's just as hard to let a daughter go. I talk to My Mom Every day. I miss hr too much if I don't. That being said she's let me fall on my face (both figureatively and Literally) when I needed too. You raised your girl right!
She'll go with her gut and hopefully make the choice that feel sright!

Kierie

[Kofarq]

Oh, for Goodness sake! I misread "baby."
I'm glad you're becoming friends with her. I'm just now becoming friends with my mother, and it's interesting.

[Leenie]

Angela

I'm so happy you and your DD are close, thats really great to hear. I can't offer much advice but I can offer a prayer for you.

Leenie

[JulieJ08]

Originally Posted by missangelaks

I hope you see that the girlfriend in my avatar pic is my daughter! LOL She really is becoming a friend...more then ever and I am hoping that when she gets to where she's going, we can become even closer. Here's hopin'!

Yup, looks just like you.

[suenami]

Awww, sounds like you've really been going through some difficult times

Sorry about your daughter. Some of my children are grown and it is "funny" the things they complain about...I always say "Now that you're an adult you can do it YOUR way, and your kids will complain about it!"

If I may offer a suggestion about your relationship with your daughter--don't give your opinion about when they should have children. That is a decision between her and her husband. I got married at 18 and had my first baby 10 mos. later...my mother was angry that I didn't "take her advice." If your daughter asks you what you think, she may just be baiting you to get an answer she doesn't agree with and then have an excuse to be mad. Maybe that is not what's happening...what is the worst thing that could happen if you just said "Oh, I'm sure you and DH will figure out when is the best time and we'll love any baby that comes into this family." You remove yourself and your worries from the situation and your daughter will make her own decision (but she's going to do that anyway, right!). And if I may be so bold, you simply don't know if it's "best" if they wait. Maybe it would be good for them to have a baby early in their marriage, it was for me and DH, helped us grow up and take life seriously.