This is just another viewpoint for you. I was estranged from my father years before he died. The thing is, people do not have to love their parents...just because they were your parents doesn't mean you have to love them (regardless of what anyone else says...that's the truth.) You happened to be born to them, but that wasn't by choice. Don't let anyone make you feel that you need to go see your mom, you really don't. To be honest, it may or may not help you feel better (if you're not feeling good about the situation with your mom). It would not have made me feel any better to have seen my dad before he died, I truely did not care about him. In my mind, I didn't really have a father. He did too many horrible things (mostly to others) for me to have any feelings of love or care about him. I didn't even feel like I had a father (and I was OK with that then and I still am to this day). I never regretted my decision to be estranged from him and when he died, I really didn't care all that much and was actually glad he was gone (he could no longer hurt other people). I know this sounds callous, but it's the truth. So if you really feel the need to go see her, just remember, it may or may not go well...you may feel better after seeing her, or to be honest, you could walk away feeling worse. So don't necessarily feel that going to see her would some how make things better for you (I'm sure you don't necessarily feel that way). (BTW, if she was asking to see you because she wanted to apologize (if she has done things to hurt you and others), then maybe you could consider it...but if she hasn't indicated that she wants to see you, I'd think very hard about whether you wanted to go see her). Just my 2 cents. Make the best decision for yourself. Good luck!
oh honey. how do things look this morning to you? losing parents is hard, even when we're not close to them - i still regret that i didn't make peace with my dad before he went.
instead of eating, sit quietly and think about the impact on YOU of going to see your mom - vs NOT going to see your mom. and make the best decision you can.
we're here for you, darlin. no amount of eating is going to make this go away, so take care of yourself, instead of beating yourself up about what you did or didn't do.
So sorry for your pain dear. I hope whatever you do you get some relief from your pain. There is no right or wrong it's a choice you will make up to you. I do know from what I learned in life people can only give what they got. But for me I learned to forgive other's for there past mistakes as I want to be forgiven for mine .Sending you a big hug
Oh Ange, I'm sorry about your situation. Can't advise you on this one. I guess you need to do what ever will give you the least regrets. That sounded dumb, but "danged if you do and danged if you don't"! Be thinking about you.
It sounds like your mother was depressed when she made the decision not to seek medical help for the lump. I don't know why you are estranged, but I'd sure go to see her one last time. You will end up regretting it. My dh died May 4 after being very very ill for several years. Turning to food would not have helped him at all so I kept myself healthy and cared for him. If I gave in to overeating, I'd be carrying around a load of guilt for that, too. Food is not for comfort it is to fuel your body. Do the right thing and go to your mother one last time. It would be the Christian thing to do if you are a church goer.
Maybe it depends on how sentimental you are. I was worried about having regrets after my Dad died only because so many people told me I would be sorry if I didn't do more to make things right. I don't have regrets. It is what it is. Making some final peace doesn't change the reality of all that went before. I don't see how one big talk can change everything that went before. Dad was a nice man, but he is gone and I have my life to live. So not everyone has regrets that people caution about.
I feel that going to see mom was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself...the one day of talking and forgiving and loving her, being able to serve her as she let go of her life, did change all the years of bad blood. I am sooooo glad I chose the harder route and went to say goodbye.
Closure is a great word to describe the experience...it's like I closed the door on a chapter in my life...one of petty arguements and immature behavior on both our parts...stripping it down to what is really important, love.
I will always be grateful that I went.
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 08-10-2008 at 10:47 AM.
Only you can make your decision to see mom and food wont help do it for you. I hope you find peace and closure.
