I feel bad for being a bit negative when I have been trying not to but I was soooo embarassed at my surgeon's support group's Christmas party last night. By a seemingly gossipy lady that spent her time whispering to the person next to her. Until that is, it was only she and I sitting at the table. Then she turned to me and said "Don't worry, this time next year you won't be the largest person in the room, it'll be someone else." I was mortified and moved to speak to several other people and the staff trying to recover the evening.
Perhaps my mistake was I didn't understand what Christmas party meant. I was hoping for...I don't know support? Besides, food, mingling...not easy for a person that already knows she's the largest person in the room thank you very much and who fights her shyness daily anyway.
I have been to the support group only once before about 3 years ago and enjoyed the speaker, had several questions answered and was encouraged to keep fighting, you know...supported.
I think I might be being sensitive but I am freaked out enough about having surgery, I really did need support, not to be insulted.
Now... on a more positive note, I did meet people that walk every Sunday and my daughter and I are planning to go next week. We walk anyway, but this set of people seemed nice and encouraging.
There I think it's over, I just needed to talk.
Thanks
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 12-18-2007 at 12:03 PM.
i think she actually meant it kindly. that might be hard to believe, but trust me, darlin, if you dwell on this thoughtless woman's comment, you'll make yourself loony!!!
bottom line, she was a gossip before the surgery, and she still is one! her personality hasn't changed one bit. yet more proof that, although it can be life-changing, WLS isn't PERSONALITY changing!!!!
Also, since you haven't been at this support group very often [unless i missed something] it's likely that people didn't know you at all - once you've had your surgery, you'll find a bunch of people who had it around the same time as you [we called it 'the class of ____' like the 'class of spring, 2005' or whatever], and you'll BOND with them. and with a few of those who have gone before.
I'm hoping, though, that as you walked around the room, you saw people actually ENJOYING themselves, talking, being happy. YOU'LL BE THERE, TOO, AND SOONER THAN YOU THINK!
but, one thing to keep in mind. remember how you just felt, so when a new face, obviously pre-surgery, walks into the meeting, you can support that new person.
That poor stupid woman really did think she was being supportive. There's no doubt in my mind that she meant that comment as encouragement. She's just not very good at it.
I have to agree - this is a case of someone trying to be encouraging who has no earthly idea of how to do so.
If she was in that support meeting, she most likely has been severely overweight, right? So she probably was FEELING for you and trying to say the right thing. She failed. MISERABLY. But I don't think she meant it as a personal attack - she just has very little social sense.
People say insensitive things. This isn't just true about size. My FIL passed away in July, and a very close friend (not a stranger) of my MIL, actually said to her "at least you have your dogs for comfort." MIL was shocked and bewildered by the response at the time, but it has become a bit of a family joke.
When some people are nervous and don't know what to say, stupidity comes out. I've put my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion (no, I wasn't the one who made the dog comment, though I've made my share of idiot comments. For me, meeting someone new, or a social setting when there's a lull in conversation are danger zones for me).
She may have been remembering when she was the largest in the room, and newest to the support group.
Another thing to consider is that support groups do get very intimate and people lose their fear of speaking what comes to mind, even if it would otherwise be considered inappropriate, even brutal to outsiders. Openly talking about size and feelings attached (their own and maybe even others) may actually be a norm of this particular group. Even if this is so, she should have been more sensitive, not knowing you, and you not being a regular attendee of the group.
Her just being a gossip and socially inept is also very much a possibility. As already posted, WLS isn't going to transform a person body and soul -- body, maybe with a whole lot of work, soul not a smidgen. I can tell you that virtually all support groups have, or at some point will have at least one member that the rest of the group rolls eyes about (usually trying to do it so the subject of irritation doesn't see). And while the group is committed to support, each individual in the group may be much less so. Some people are there only to recieve support, not give it, and some people have so few friends outside the group this may be their only opportunity to socialize (and so they don't do it very well).
that woman is an *** who's foot is so far into her mouth she could floss with her socks!
Ideally she probably felt like the biggest person in the room her first time and was trying to commiserate. or she is just a numbskull. Angela you're fantastic and you met fantastic people there
she's just the group gossip/busybody every group has her.
We can always unleash a Jersey style Case of Whooparse on her! Let me go get my hairspray and fake nails!
I was a wreak when I wrote this, I felt better as I read your respones and even teared some because I really do feel supported here. And by the end of this.... you all had me really rolling! hehehe hairspray and fake nails!
Christmas party...50 nice people and one idiot and who's comment do I focus on?
that woman is an *** who's foot is so far into her mouth she could floss with her socks!
hehehehehe
LOLOLOL