Having firmly stuffed my foot into my mouth on numerous occasions, I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I've said some stupid things in front people, such as making negative comments about my body/weight when someone much larger than me was around. I suppose it's because I'm not seeing them in that light.
I do have to say that I found the whole baby weight phenomon to be annoying. For some reason that is the first thing on everyone's mind. Not the woman's health, not the child's heath, but whether or not the woman drops the pregnancy weight.
When she loses it quickly it's a miracle.
"Oh, how did she do it!? Is that even healthy?"
and if she doesn't lose it, she's really let herself go.
I work with mostly men and at times I think they tend to "forget" I'm even there when they start discussing women. Thursday night at work a group of men gathered around in my area and were discussing women. This one particular guy who is heavy set, but did have gastric bypass and has lost weight, but is slowly gaining it back.......Anyways he was talking about dating and he goes online a lot and meets a lot of girls from there.
Well the other guys were asking him questions about the online dating site and if the women potrayed themselves honestly. The "dating" guy said yes and then one guy (jokingly) asks if any of the women he has ever met from the online dating site ever had an adams apple. (joking) The guy said, (not joking) "No but this one girl I met was kinda heavy, but she has gotten the gastric bypass surgery so she is losing."
I didn't see how a girl who was "heavy" had any relavance to someone who had a "adams apple". Is that supposed to mean that "Heavy Girls" are LESS femine? It just kinda ticked me off, I didn't say anything as it wouldn't have mattered in a group of men. But sometimes I can honestly say that I feel like I'm a "Spy" in their "little worlds" because as I said since I'm there all the time (when I'm working) they tend to "Forget" that I'm a woman. So its kind of like a "inside view" of men and at times it is totally disgusting. No I'm not so offended to "Report" them. If they ever said anything that derogatory (sp??) I would just let them know it.
But it just goes to show that again there is another "judgement" towards "heavy women" that is so untrue! There are plenty of "heavy" women who I've seen who are VERY femine and VERY pretty!
Anyways, just thought I would share. Oh and yes it also "irked" me since the guy who was talking about this "heavy set" girl is heavy himself and also used to be heavier before his surgery, so I'm sure he totally understands how it feels to be ridiculed or judged because of your weight. Although I still think Guys have it a lot easier as I think us as Women don't judge as harshly towards "Heavy Set" men as badly as Men do towards "heavy set" women. What do you think ladies?
Because I know that my husband is also "heavy set" and women don't seem to care and some women don't even care that he is happily married (yes they KNOW he is married and they KNOW I'm his wife!) and even when I am right beside him!!!! (openly flirt with him!!!!) It drives me INSANE! Yet I get treated like an afterthought by most people. It is like a double standard. It is okay to be "Heavy" and a male but it is totally NOT if you are a woman?
From reading this, I didn't take away from it what you did. I don't think he was saying "heavy girls aren't feminine", but rather - no, that never happened (dating a "girl" with an adam's apple)...but this did (dating a heavy girl). Both of those could be an example of someone not portraying themselves honestly before the first meeting (not saying that was the case, but it is conceivable), which is what they were talking about, from what you said. Just a thought.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassy_Chick
I work with mostly men and at times I think they tend to "forget" I'm even there when they start discussing women. Thursday night at work a group of men gathered around in my area and were discussing women. This one particular guy who is heavy set, but did have gastric bypass and has lost weight, but is slowly gaining it back.......Anyways he was talking about dating and he goes online a lot and meets a lot of girls from there.
Well the other guys were asking him questions about the online dating site and if the women potrayed themselves honestly. The "dating" guy said yes and then one guy (jokingly) asks if any of the women he has ever met from the online dating site ever had an adams apple. (joking) The guy said, (not joking) "No but this one girl I met was kinda heavy, but she has gotten the gastric bypass surgery so she is losing."
I didn't see how a girl who was "heavy" had any relavance to someone who had a "adams apple". Is that supposed to mean that "Heavy Girls" are LESS femine? It just kinda ticked me off, I didn't say anything as it wouldn't have mattered in a group of men. But sometimes I can honestly say that I feel like I'm a "Spy" in their "little worlds" because as I said since I'm there all the time (when I'm working) they tend to "Forget" that I'm a woman. So its kind of like a "inside view" of men and at times it is totally disgusting. No I'm not so offended to "Report" them. If they ever said anything that derogatory (sp??) I would just let them know it.
But it just goes to show that again there is another "judgement" towards "heavy women" that is so untrue! There are plenty of "heavy" women who I've seen who are VERY femine and VERY pretty!
Anyways, just thought I would share. Oh and yes it also "irked" me since the guy who was talking about this "heavy set" girl is heavy himself and also used to be heavier before his surgery, so I'm sure he totally understands how it feels to be ridiculed or judged because of your weight. Although I still think Guys have it a lot easier as I think us as Women don't judge as harshly towards "Heavy Set" men as badly as Men do towards "heavy set" women. What do you think ladies?
Because I know that my husband is also "heavy set" and women don't seem to care and some women don't even care that he is happily married (yes they KNOW he is married and they KNOW I'm his wife!) and even when I am right beside him!!!! (openly flirt with him!!!!) It drives me INSANE! Yet I get treated like an afterthought by most people. It is like a double standard. It is okay to be "Heavy" and a male but it is totally NOT if you are a woman?
I think that people are so incredibly insensitive to and about overweight people. I think it's got to be the fact that they think it's because it's something that we have control over and have done to ourselves. They don't realize there are SO many underlying issues and it's just not "well then stop eating so much". I am cringing right now thinking of all the times people have said inappropriate and insensitive things. And TV is the worst. People love making jokes at the fat persons expense. Well one thing being this overweight has taught me - I am so sensitive to people who are different, whether it's their looks or their speech or anything.
I can see what you mean, 1tiredgradstudent but either way it was still wrong in my eyes and he said YES he knew she was heavy before meeting her, that she didn't lie about it in her profile.
I just wanted to make a point about how men, Heavy or Thin (some men, NOT all) see Heavy Women. I get kind of an "insiders view" at work so I get to hear things that most women do not hear.
Sassy, thanks for sharing the Male insight. I , personally have heard other women being much more cruel about women and their weight issues than I ever heard a man speak. Many times we put our own selves down. It's like sometimes wer'e our "own worst enemy". JMHO, but I know that I had put myself down many times over my weight and still "beat myself up" if I eat something I shouldn't or gain a lb.
Yes! One I remember in particular, was when I was trying on clothes with a friend (skinny skinny friend. she's actually 10 lbs underweight.) and she looked in the mirror and said, "Hm...I'm too bony for this. It doesn't look good." she then pauses, looks at me, and says, "Wouldn't it suck to have a skinny friend say that and be the chubby friend who couldn't even wear it?"
OOUUUUCCCCHHH I just raised my eyebrows, changed, and walked out.
I know what you mean, Sassychick, about the men thing. A lot of my male friends talk about women around me. I recall one such conversation. I called one of them shallow, joking, and he said "No, I dated [so and so], so obviously I couldn't be shallow." The girl he was talking about is overweight. I wanted to slap him. The guys sitting around had a good laugh, though.
Yes Lillybelle, we are our own worst enemies for sure! Your right about that one! And yes Women can definately be mean as well, I'm not saying they can't be. Was just sharing the conversation I witnessed is all.
Amberkay, OUCH! That definately had to hurt!!!!!!! I've never had that happen to me. But then again I don't think I've ever had a skinny skinny friend.....My mom is very very thin and she would say things like, "These pants are too huge for me." But she never ever would say anything like that.
People who have never dealt with weight/physical imperfections in their life do not realise how difficult and frustrating it is to lose pounds. They think its easy just coz its easy for THEM to stay thin without effort.
I personally feel that overwieght people eat healthier food and workout more often than most naturally thin people.
Most of my office collegues who are naturally thin have bowls of candy and chocolate onn their desk and often eat full fat/full sugar ice-creams/cookies... I do not remember the last time I have had fat free and sugar free cookies, forget regular cookies/chocolates.
They feel a lil sad and hog on Reese's/hersheys for hours. I've seen people eating cheeses and drinking alcohol glass after glass in parties... How could they be more responsible/disciplined in life than other overweight people who have avoided this for years and have put more efforts than them in life!?!
This is interesting to me because I was reading Geneen Roth's Breaking Free from Emotional Eating last night. She encourages people to free themselves from their "thou shalt not" attitudes about certain foods. If I can have full fat ice cream any time I want, I won't want to eat a gallon of it in one sitting. She says she lost 30 pounds when she stopped dieting. Just a thought that maybe those "naturally thin" folks weren't always that way. My boss is probably a size six. I've heard people make comments to her about how food things are easier for her because she's thin. She pointed out the other day that she gets up early every day to work out on her elliptical. I guess my point is that maybe we don't know how hard it is for them.
What irritates me most is when 'thin' people pull their skin and say, "Look at that fat!". Makes you wonder what they think of you when they perceive a layer of skin as 'fat'.
I just rememebered a moment I had a few years back...when a 'friend' of mine poked my belly and said: "Wow it's so bouncy!" I gave her a HUGE slap on the back of her shoulder. I made it look like a playful smack, but made sure it hurt like ....!
What irritates me most is when 'thin' people pull their skin and say, "Look at that fat!". Makes you wonder what they think of you when they perceive a layer of skin as 'fat'.
I just rememebered a moment I had a few years back...when a 'friend' of mine poked my belly and said: "Wow it's so bouncy!" I gave her a HUGE slap on the back of her shoulder. I made it look like a playful smack, but made sure it hurt like ....!
Whenever I have said anything negative about myself in that way, I wasn't, didn't and wouldn't have even considered anyone else's body.
My son's exGF used to always complain in front of me that she was just "so fat". She was 5'9 and 117 lbs. It really made me feel like quite a big pig in front of her. He dumped her and now has a new GF. She's 5'0 and 95 lbs., the tiniest thing you ever saw. She buys her clothes in the kids section. I haven't heard her complain about being fat. Just goes to show that no matter how much wt. we lose, there's always going to be someone that is smaller.
Yep, I've had the "belly poke" before too, and it really pi@@ed me off.
But sometimes I can honestly say that I feel like I'm a "Spy" in their "little worlds" because as I said since I'm there all the time (when I'm working) they tend to "Forget" that I'm a woman. So its kind of like a "inside view" of men and at times it is totally disgusting. No I'm not so offended to "Report" them. If they ever said anything that derogatory (sp??) I would just let them know it. 
Yet I get treated like an afterthought by most people. It is like a double standard. It is okay to be "Heavy" and a male but it is totally NOT if you are a woman? 
