Doing LOTS of research on weight loss/maintenance. This is making no sense to me at all.

I know just about everything I need to know...calories in vs. calories out. No brainer. BUT if what I'm reading is true, there is no way I will be able to lose weight and keep it off forever.

I can't help but compare myself to my sister:

I weigh 180. I have a huge emotional tie to food. To lose weight, I would have to drastically cut my calorie intake, exercise 1 hr. a day for at least 5 days a week, high intensity (I already walk 2-3 miles a day. My body is used to this and my weight doesn't budge with this intensity) and continue to do so for the rest of my life. MAJOR life change. Once at goal weight, I would have to continue to watch what I eat, for the rest of my life. I would also have to keep upping the intensity and varing my workouts to compensate my lowering metablism due to age. There is no pot of "easy gold" at the end of the rainbow. I will have to work hard at this for the rest of my life if I want to stay thin.

On the other hand, my sister weighs about 135. She has never been over 140. She eats what she wants and never exercises. If she wants pizza, she eats pizza. She likes chicken and rice and eats that everyday when she wants to lose a few pounds, and then goes back to her normal eating when she lost the weight. She has no emotional ties to food. She doesn't have to work at keeping thin. She just is.

I feel so doomed. Why should I even bother to try to lose weight if more than likely I will not be able to keep up with my new "dieting lifestyle" and go back to my old habits? I'm weak and I know it. Why is it some people have no weight problem, like my sister, and never have to work at being thin? The whole thing sounds so unfair to those like me who gained weight and now desperately want to lose it, but don't want to keep up the rigerous lifestyle (low cal and high intensity workouts) to maintain it.

I know I'm not my sister, but I'm so jealous of her sometimes. Right now I'm on the brink of just throwing in the towel and forgetting about "trying" to lose this weight. Maybe this is "my" set point weight and it's pointless to try and re-set it to someone elses, right? I mean, really. I'm 35 years old. I'm no spring chicken anymore. I should just get comfortable in my skin and enjoy life. This is probably what I should do.

Am I just being lazy and glutenous?

I am sorry you are feeling all this negativity regarding losing weight. It's the best decision I have ever made. Yes, it's hard. Yes, maintaining the loss is hard. It is totally worth every minute of exercise and every bite of junk food that I pass up. I also have a sister that is naturally thin, but I tried the just "let it ride and stay the same" method of weight control and all it did was make me even fatter. It does take effort, careful planning and exercise but I bet any one of us maintainers would wholeheartedly say that it's better than being fat. We have been there and would do anything to keep from going there again. Attitude is key, so keep searching yourself for what you personally are willing to put forth. If it were easy, everyone would get thin and stay thin.

I guess my whining and crying boils down to wanting to be naturally thin. I know I'm not, and never will be. The addict in me keeps pulling me back. I don't think there is a thin person inside me anymore. If there were, I'd be her in a heartbeat. It's not only hard, it feels downright impossible.

Well, first of all, your age isn't a deal killer here. I was 41 when I started, and have lost 70 pounds so far. Maybe it is harder for mature people to lose weight, but I dunno. I don't remember it as ever being easy.

And I know it can be discouraging to have a naturally skinny sibling. My brother is that way. And no, it isn't fair. But of course, we've all heard that life isn't fair, and I believe that's true. It's not fair that some people get cancer when they are six, that some people get hit by drunk drivers, or that some people are born into crushing poverty with drug addicted parents. "Fair" is a concept born of the human mind, and the real world freely and frequently ignores it. You can get hung up on the notion, or ignore it also and deal with the world as it is, it is your choice.

You are right that you will have to work for the rest of your life to maintain weight. And your choice really is simple. Which is worse for you, being fat, or the process that you will have to undergo in order to lose weight and keep it off?

Many people here have decided that doing what it takes to lose weight does in fact suck less than being fat. But we do have a pretty high turn over here, and there is an unknown number who ultimately decide that the price is not worth the payout.

It might turn out that you are not in the right frame of mind to do what it takes to lose weight and keep it off. Take stock of your situation and make the decision for yourself. But do it honestly. Don't use excuses like your age your sister's weight. Look at issues that really matter to the process. Do you have health issues due to your weight? Are you willing to continue to wear the size you currently are? How comfortable are you with the body you have now?

These are answers only you can answer for yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Sorry you're feeling down . We all have friends or relatives who are "naturally" thin - it's just a fact of life. I was at 170 lbs. for a long time and felt very fat. I got tired of constant yo-yo dieting, gave up watching what I ate and ended up at 225 lbs.

This extra weight contributed to my severe arthritis and I was also diagnosed with breast cancer (obesity is a risk factor). If you eat what you want with no regard to the consequences, that's your choice. Nobody but you has control over what you eat. You may live a very long life as an overweight person, but your life may be a lot healthier and more enjoyable if you can lose 10 or 20 lbs.

When I was younger I wanted to be "thin", i.e. about 120 lbs. which was totally unrealistic and so I gave up when I realized I'd never reach that goal. Now I'll be content at 160 lbs. I already feel 100% better than I did at 225 (it's taken me 2-1/2 years to lose 37 lbs.)

Try taking ''baby steps". Don't try to be on a 'perfect' diet - we all slip up now and then. I doubt there's one person on this weight loss journey who hasn't strayed from their plan occasionally. The key is to never give up - brush yourself off and start over again. Maybe you need to go slower in your weight loss and not go too low in calories. I'm currently eating about 1650 calories a day and lose on average 1/2 lb. a week. Not great, but better than the alternative. For me, this amount of food is enough so that I don't get hungry and I have room for a treat now and then.

Please don't give up - you can do it!

My mom who has been maintaining her weight of 115 for a few years now has been very successful at keep it off. She has this chart which allows for variation in weight...

110....115....120

Her maintenance range is between 110-120 pounds. If she starts to go over 115 she'll kick it up a notch and vice versa if she goes under 115. She doesn't hold herself accountable to one single number.
As far as exercise, continue to walk but also look for other activities that you can and will enjoy...water aerobics, stair stepper, jogging, dancing... Variety is afterall the spice of life.
As far as eating my mom and I have both been successful on WW. It's easy calorie counting, no fad dieting no gimmicks. I would suggest it...but to each his or her own. We have this thing where we allow ourselves to eat what we want once a week or once everyother week...and it does tie into WW so it's cool for us.
You don't have to exercise every single day or eat right every single day. That is what we strive for...but perfection is not human!
Take it day by day and allow yourself "down time." Some people would say that's a bad idea, but it sure prevents weight loss burnout.
It is a life change. You are absolutely right about this...but that doesn't mean you can never eat cake again. It just means eating what you like in moderation and making good choices. Balancing the good vs. the tasty but not so good.
If you tie yourself down or hold to yourself to a strict rulebook it's going to get old and tiring.
All I can say is take it day by day and don't beat yourself up when you do slip and fall. And have a weight range in mind instead of a single number...
I know you said you are 180...but is your body meant to be 135 or 152 or something else? Find a healthy weight range and let that be your guide and not your bony sister!
Sometimes when you start to lose weight that first couple of pounds gone makes you feel great. And then you start feeling better and better that you don't ever want to go back to what you started out at and that is motivation in itself.
It might be a lifelong struggle, sure. But health is the key. I'm sure your body appreciates the effort more than you know!

I read a book by Anne M Fletcher called "Thin for Life".
I think you might benefit from reading it too. Yes, indeed, the people who lose weight and keep it off, are ever mindful of what they eat and do continue to be more active.
You might enjoy reading in the Maintainers Forum ... those are some happy, content, fulfilled and attractive women (despite their rigorous lifestyle).

You should probably check the accuracy of this statement ....I would also have to keep upping the intensity and varing my workouts to compensate my lowering metablism due to age.....

You don't mention weight lifting.

Please consider your options more carefully.

Penpal is right about the whole calorie thing...make sure you're eating the right amount of calories for yourself....you might want to consult a dietician or nutritionist so she can give you a specialized calorie plan!

Hey, it DOES sound like your sister works at it -- she has determined an "unacceptable weight point" and when she reaches it she eats chicken and rice until the pounds are gone. Sounds like maintenance to me!
Cheer up! I personally have never met a naturally thin person who eats exactly what I eat and stays thin. Often they eat what they want, which boils down to balancing out meals/calorie intake (i.e. pizza some days, chicken and rice on others), and what they WANT to eat is not what I would want to eat. It just seems effortless for those people (my husband included) as food is not an addiction for them. They, my hubby included, think NOTHING of forgoing dessert, choosing salads, and - gasp - NOT eating the entire bag of open chips, which is absolutely UNHEARD OF for me.
Chin up, and make the choice, and focus on what you can do, not what others seem to do and what you fear that you are going to be giving up!
You can do it!!!

Life ain't fair, honey...

How about you make an effort to simply maintain at the weight where you are now for a while.....with an eye out for a more active lifestyle. I think if you are mindful of what you are doing even if you aren't putting out an effort to lose...you might lose anyway...in theory...at least you won't be gaining more.

It IS hard....but nothing is impossible if you really want it. You just have to get yourself to the point where you want it. We are all stuggling with that...if it wasn't hard we all be where we want to be right now.

Wow, that sounds familiar. I said something very like that last summer. I had given up caring what I ate, figuring I would never be able to keep weight off if I lost it. Because every other time I lost, I gained it all back and then some. Look where that got me -- nearly 300 pounds. So I had my work cut out for me.

So, I made a comment very like that to my husband, and he said something that made me angry. “Well, that’s a great attitude. The best possible way to guarantee you’ll fail is to not try.” But you know what, he was right!

If you are like me, seeing the endgame is something you can’t imagine. It’s overwhelming! How could I eat well and exercise regularly long term??!

Losing weight and keeping it off is as much a mental game as a physical one. If you assume you are a weak addict and will always be one, you will fail. But if you allow yourself to concede the possibility, take a leap of faith, you may well learn something different about yourself.

Like you, I figured I had no willpower. After all, I ‘cheated’ on every previous weight loss attempt I had made. This time around, when appealing food presents itself, I ask myself what I want more: the food (whose powers to make me feel better are temporary) or a healthier thinner me. And if I do give in (especially when I don’t want to), I try to figure out why, so next time I’m less likely to make the same mistake. (This is why when I go out to eat, I often just make them take the bread basket away. Easier to say no once, than throughout the whole meal.)

Finally, be careful of your assumptions. It sounds like you assume that to maintain a weight loss you will have to eat almost nothing and not enjoy what you do eat. One of my biggest surprises along the way is how much I love the healthy food I am eating (oh, and I still eat quite a bit of it!)

So, if you really want to do this, and are ready to do it, join us! My best advice is: don’t look at that big picture. Try instead to teach yourself to make better choices. Make a commitment and start with small steps.

Don't give up!!! I am 41 and have lost over 45 pounds now just by cutting back on my calories (especially giving up fast food and sugar) and walking the dog a few times a day. I thought I had a set point at around 200 pounds because no matter what I did I stayed there for the last 5 years. You can eat good food and still lose weight. I have become a diehard
griller in the last few months. Its amazing how good food tastes on the grill! So keep your chin up and keep going, it will happen!!! I am wearing a size 9 jeans this morning, the same as my 23 year old daughter!!!!

PS-My super thin sister when we were in our 20's and early 30's is now over 200 pounds!!!! Sometimes life catches up with them too.

I thought I was an addict too, until I gave up sugar and the weird, uncontrollable binging stopped. My favorite foods were nachos, pastries and chocolate. I couldn't imagine giving them up forever, now I don't crave them or want them. I just found healthy foods I liked just as much, I still love what I eat and I look forward to meals.

I made my goal health not necessarily weight loss, so I didn't eat fake foods or bad tasting "diet" foods. I don't eat plain, boring chicken and rice either.

I was also 35 when I started, I'm now 37 and still maintaining without any big issues. Your age is definitely not a valid excuse.

Do this: Change one habit at a time. Maybe start with learning about portions and reducing yours. (Aim for progress, not perfection). Then when that seems to get just a little easier, add another habit. Maybe next add more healthy foods and pass up more junk foods. Include some water. Keep adding. Then maybe journaling. While we want quick weight loss, sometimes doing it all overnight is overwhelming and it seems too hard. Doing it slowly allows us to form habits and not just another tickmark for weight loss for the day.

Another tool: Try writing ALL the healthy/althernatives foods and meals you can think of that YOU like. You might be suprised at the variety. It will help you shop too. The more you go on this journey, the more you will discover.

I am so happy I posted this. I got so discouraged by what I found on the internet, I gave up hope. You guys are giving me that hope back.
I know I got to cut back on that sugar and greasy stuff. I've been trying to eat healthier, but I'm finding very few foods I can eat. I'm a horrible cook, and have no time to learn (full time working mom). Portion size is my weakness too. I have to keep working on not stuffing down my feelings with food. It is so hard. AND I have to get on that treadmill!

I have an "all or nothing" mentality. You're right, Deafinlysmart. I need to take on one thing at a time. And plan what I eat better. I'm a firm believer that if you fail to plan, plan to fail. I just wish I had more time in my day, and the energy/mindset to keep me going like you all have. Care to share some?

Thanks again, everyone. I'm going to keep re-reading what you wrote so I won't let myself forget!