Fascinating thread. I think I eat to comfort myself. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in my life, only a series of events and responsibilities. When I know I can go out and eat a big fatty meal in the future, that is something I can look forward to. When I am mildly stressed or mildly unhappy I also eat, though when I am severely depressed I do not eat at all. I think even when I am happy I eat, and when I am truly busy I am too busy to eat and tend to stick to plan and eat healthy.
Things that have helped me: with the boredom eating, I try to stay busy (at work, on the weekends) and plan out activities in the same way I plan my snacks. For happiness and comfort it has been much harder. Sometimes when I *really* want ice cream or chocolate it is as if I am AFRAID that there will never be ice cream or chocolate ever again, at least not for me. So I have to remind myself that it will always be there and I don't need to eat it today, I can wait a few months before I have my next piece of chocolate.
As for eating for happiness I try to remind myself that going out to dinner with my family isn't about the food; it is about the family. And I try really hard to focus on conversation. Also at home I try to only plop down in front of the TV when I am too exhausted to move, otherwise I know more fulfilling pursuits (even just surfing the net) will make me feel better about myself and will be a better use of my time.
This is such a great and important thread! I'm pasting something here that I posted in the 100 lb Club forum earlier this week:
"A huge influence on me in my attempts to lose weight has been Geneen Roth's books (When Food is Love, Feeding the Hungry Heart, Breaking Free from Emotional Eating - ah, do you see where I got my screen name?) These books are geared to the emotional overeater (me!) and I really identified with her message, which is that we eat because that's how we learned to care for ourselves emotionally as children, when the people who were supposed to be taking care of us weren't doing such a great job of it. We did the best we could to meet our emotional needs with the limited tools we as kids had at the time (food) and that way of coping persisted into adulthood, but now we need to find new ways of taking care of ourselves WITHOUT blaming or shaming ourselves for having used food to do so in the past. Now, I know not everyone buys into this and not everyone eats for emotional reasons. I'm just explaining the gist of her approach and that it resonates with me.
She goes further to say that we have it within us to enjoy food without overindulging by trusting ourselves, eating mindfully and listening to our bodies ("What do I really want to eat right now?") I know many people here do not agree that intuitive eating is possible for those of us who have been very overweight/obese. They say "I listened to my body and I ended up weighing 250 lbs!" Maybe, but in my case I got up to 253 lbs because I didn't listen to my body and what I was really hungry for, I listened to my emotions and drowned out/overrode my body's mechanism for letting me know when I was full or when I needed a certain type of food."
"Sometimes when I *really* want ice cream or chocolate it is as if I am AFRAID that there will never be ice cream or chocolate ever again, at least not for me."
blues4miles, I have felt this way much of my life. This is the EXACT point that Geneen gets at in her books, that feeling that there will never be "enough" to fill us up. To paraphrase a saying "One cookie is too many and a thousand are never enough."
Wow, Mary, that's a pretty powerful-sounding book. I think that just as there are a million ways to lose weight, there are a million origins for obesity. I identify as an emotional eater and eating to take care of myself, but I don't think my mom/dad didn't meet my emotional needs as a child. But when I think about it, I became overweight in my early 20s when I was a single parent, and that is when I began meeting my emotional needs by overeating. I know that even though I was a mature 20-something, the 20s years are STILL about growing up some, and that's how I handled it.
I agree, we are all overweight for a different combination of reasons and we all have to find our own way to achieve our goals (whether food- and weight-related or otherwise). I may have oversimplified Geneen's position by saying it's restricted to childhood "wounds" only. It's obviously just one of many ways to approach the issue(s) and one about which I happen to be passionate (but hopefully not preachy?). I just want to put it out there as both a possible resource for people who may not be familiar with her work and as an explanation for my approach to this journey.
Don't tell him you are trying to lose weight. Just tell him you are feeding the family healthier foods. After reading Glory's story here, I bought the superfoods book. My husband bought a bunch of fruit right after that and was telling me which ones were Superfoods. I didn't tell him that. He'd been filching my book and reading it on his own, which is EXTREMELY out of character for him. Try it.
One of my favorite Geneen Roth quotes is "You can never get enough of what you don't really want." When we eat to fill a void that is caused by something else, it doesn't matter how much or what we eat, it will never fill that need.
Opportunity eating (eating something because of the fear of not having the opportunity again) has been one of my biggest hurdles. For me, it originated in childhood when my parents would constantly restrict my eating, and I perpetuated the patterns into adulthood. This is why (for now) I cannot go on any plan that restricts anything completely. It brings up these old patterns of not being allowed things and then seeking out the opportunity to eat. When I gave myself permission to eat what I REALLY wanted (and didn't just think I wanted) when I wanted, I stopped wanting everything so much.
Opportunity eating (eating something because of the fear of not having the opportunity again) has been one of my biggest hurdles. For me, it originated in childhood when my parents would constantly restrict my eating, and I perpetuated the patterns into adulthood. This is why (for now) I cannot go on any plan that restricts anything completely. It brings up these old patterns of not being allowed things and then seeking out the opportunity to eat. When I gave myself permission to eat what I REALLY wanted (and didn't just think I wanted) when I wanted, I stopped wanting everything so much.
Nancy - This is definitely me, too. My mom was restrictive with food and shamed me for my weight but kept junk/treat foods in the house for my brother, because why should he be deprived just because I had a "food problem"? I avoid making any food off limits because the deprivation is a set up for disaster. In fact, I avoid going on any plan at all that isn't of my own design. Part of the process of losing the weight and becoming healthier is figuring out what I need in my own way and trusting that I can do this for myself.
I've never heard it called "opportunity eating", but I definitely have it. I know mine began in childhood as well because treats were not readily available and when they were, my siblings and I weren't supposed to have them. I remember "straightening" the lemon ice box pie until it was just about gone.
Isn't it the craziest thing what our minds do to us? Do I really think the donut shop...all the donut shops will go out of business today, so I'd better eat a dozen while I can? KeeRAZEeeee. Even when I try to talk myself out of it, I don't believe me.
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I avoid making any food off limits because the deprivation is a set up for disaster. In fact, I avoid going on any plan at all that isn't of my own design. Part of the process of losing the weight and becoming healthier is figuring out what I need in my own way and trusting that I can do this for myself.
!!
