Practically everything I wish to do, and cannot, is due to pain. Even things I though I couldn't do, were because of emotional pain. For example, not dating, until I lost the weight. Finally, I decided to place a personal ad, making it clear from the first that I was fat, dieting, and wanted to meet men who could be interested no matter my success. I heard from more men than I evern would have managed (some pretty odd, but I hear thin women tell the same stories) and met my husband (a heavy guy, also wanting to be a less-heavy guy).
I have learned not to put my life on hold, and ironically "getting a life" has only made my health journey easier.
Colleen, it is painful, both physically and like you said, emotionally. I'm glad you are not putting your life on hold and I'm glad I'm not either. I may have to take more sit down breaks if we are out and about, but at least I'm trying.
I wasted so many years just sitting at home hiding, I almost feel like I'm making up for lost time!
I know what you mean! My husband says he gets dizzy just watching me "bounce around" all of the time. And he certainly can't mean physically! It's the way I grab life and run with it - even if only mentally. Always changing directions trying to mold my life into what I want from it.
I can understand that. Some people are just content with not "living" their lives and watching life pass them by. I know life is way too short for that! With having my 16 yr. old cousin die and my 50 yr. old step dad die you take a new look at life, you just never know when your time on earth could be up!
So hub and I try our best to live life up! Sometimes I know it can be tough with working, etc.
Well, I must say that I've been near to tears reading some of your posts ... I guess it's the realisation that I'm not the only one with the same problems. For as long as I can remember I've had such a poor self image of myself ... I've felt embarrassed and ashamed about what other people must think of me because I'm overweight. I'm sure that my feelings about myself are partly to blame for the fact that I am the way I am. I've got absolutely no self esteem and I'm constantly putting myself down.
I'm due to fly back to the UK tomorrow for 3 weeks to visit family and friends, some of whom I haven't seen for about 3 years ... this is something I should obviously be looking forward to, but instead, I've been dreading it ... all because I'm worried about what people are going to think/say about me, even though I know deep down that my family won't think any the less of me just because I've gained weight ... but a few of my 'friends' ... well? The reason I think this is because years ago I was always the slim, attractive one ... and look at me now! I feel like the tables have been turned and perhaps some people will feel a little bit smug about it. But, you know what ... after reading some of your posts, and the positive attitudes that you've got ... I don't give a damn what they think of me!
Something else which also helped me to realise that just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm any less of a person, was a movie I watched on tv yesterday, which I'm sure some of you have probably seen ... 'Real Women Have Curves' ... After watching it I realised that I should start to love myself as I am and not constantly worry about what others think of me.
So, I'm now going to go home to the UK and enjoy my time there. Instead of worring about what others think of me ... I'm going to stop feeling bad about myself, and start to love myself for who I am and what I am. And maybe, just maybe, with a better opinion of myself, I'll finally be able to do something about my weight problem.
Things I want to do:
Run! I never thought I would say that, as I never really ran back when I was thin, but not being able to do it makes me miss it.
Ride a bike
Wear a bathing suit
Go to an amusement park and ride all day long!
Hike some of the Appalachian Trail
Learn to surf
Jump on a trampoline
Skateboard again
And almost everything on the lists above
Colleen it's great that you've hopped onto a bike! I'm an amatuer(sp?) cyclists and I attribute my lil bit of weight loss to riding! I went from a 20 minute ride and feeling like I was dying after to 2 hour rides pretty quickly with some determination! You can do it. I love riding for the fact that it puts our body through a real workout, without all the impact, so it doesn't seem like we're working as much as we are. It's improved my cardiovascular sooooo much it's amazing!
Good luck with that.
My list of things I can't do...
1. Wear a single digit size jeans. I don't even remember ever wearing a single digit I don't care if I never go lower than a 9, I just wanna get there.
2. Not feel so self concious in jeans and cute tops. My backfat under my bra straps stops that. And even though I have a waist that dips in, it seems like as soon as I button up jeans any fat in that area bunches up on TOP of the waist of my jeans, giving me that muffin top look.
3. Feel comfortable letting hubby see me naked. He's never, ever said anything to make me feel bad, but I'm scared that he's thinking it anyway.
4. Have space in lawn chairs. It's not such a tight fit anymore, but still not as roomy as I'd love.
I'm sure there's alot more that I can't think of right now.
1. Swim/put on bathing suit.
2. Cross my legs.
3. Run
4. Walk fast with other people
5. Sit comfortable
6. Do more work in the bedroom
7. Swing on the swings
8. Travel without pain
Things I have NEVER done but want to. Most I don't do because I am either too heavy/can't accomplish .
1. Really love myself
part 3.. things I do now since I've gained weight that have happened because I am heavy..
1. I don't do much at all now, i'm in too much pain
Swimming/wearing swimsuits: I gained the bulk of my weight after the birth of my son fifteen years ago. I was 20 years old and never once considered myself "too fat" to get into a bathing suit and go to a beach or pool. I always figured that people would look and say "wow, what a great active mother" rather than "that fat woman shouldn't be in the pool with her baby". Nobody ever commented to me on it either way. I do know, though, that going to the beach without my son has never crossed my mind - I wouldn't be the "active mother" but just the "fat lady". Although last weekend, my mom (who is also overweight) and I went to the beach ourselves. I was surprised that I wasn't insecure - I just thought "if they don't like it, they don't have to look."
Biking: Again, as a parent, I never considered not biking with my child because I was overweight. I considered riding bike with my active child to be good parenting more than anything, and anyone seeing me do it should think the same.
My mom always rode her bike with us, even though she was overweight when we were younger. She swam, biked, walked, and was on a softball team, even though she was always on the heavier side ... she was a great role model that way.
Things I plan to do as I reach my desired weight:
Do sports for fun.
Kick booty on races against my teenager.
Maybe, if my knees are strong, become an avid runner.
Take up kickboxing.
Maybe get a Vespa? (not yet ... I have images of "Bears on Wheels")
Wear shorts and sleeveless shirts as often as possible, and feel comfortable in them.
Get professional family portraits done.
Help mentor and teach other women how to love and care for their bodies.
Cut my long hair (kind of a spiritual rebirth thing).
Eliminate sweets and carbohydrates refined beyond recognition.
My IRL weight-loss buddy is planning to have a sterling-silver chain welded around her waist when she gets to goal weight. That way, she will know that she needs to change something if she finds herself needing to cut it off. I thought that was a cool idea.
Last edited by phantastica; 07-10-2006 at 10:22 AM.
1.CROSS MY LEGS- i cant remember the last time i did that without it being forced and admitting defeat 10 seconds later
2.BE ATHLETIC- I know im athletic deep down inside but I have yet to truly see that girl come out. I would really like to be on a team for once were im not pulling the team down
3.WERE A SWIMSUIT - it has to of been 6 years since ive done that. And now that its July im dreaming about it.
4.GET THE BELLY PEIRCED- im still debating about this one. I think my belly will look quite nice when im on the better part of this journey but we will have to see
5.WERE CUTER CLOTHES – im one of those girls who dresses well for here size. But listen, there is a fashionista diva waiting to break through
6.GAIN MORE CONFIDENCE - I think it speaks for itself
7.BE A GO GETTER I know that once I accomplish this goal I will be unstoppable
8. HAVE A REAL BOYFRIEND- I’ve had guy friends but as for a boyfriend, Ive never had one. I think it is because of my confidence level but my weight is included in it. Im getting older and I think now is as good a time as any.
I know there could be pages and pages to write but these are the ones that come to mind now. Everyone good luck with their journey.
My List of Things I Wish I Could Do (in no particular order):
1. Do a "bridge" like I could 100pds ago. (A "backbend" in gymnastics)
2. Do the splits like I could 150pds ago.
3. Wear high heels!! Or any strappy shoe for that matter... (Got really wide feet)
4. Jog for pleasure and exercise.
5. Join a team sport and be able to participate fully.
6. Wear a size 14.
7. Not be worried if I can fit into a chair.
8. Use my legs as my main mode of trasportation.
9. Work at a job all day and not be sore.
10. Become flexible.
11. Wake up each day and look forward to exercising for my health.
12. Rollerblade/Bike Ride, etc like I did when I was younger. (Up until I was 12 or so)
13. Go rock climbing.
14. Be successful in life.
*There are SO many more, but I think this covers the ones I can think of at the moment.
You enjoy yourself!
I don't care if I never go lower than a 9, I just wanna get there.
My Goal List
things id like to do
