backhanded compliments
 

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"Like a ton?"

!!!

Grr!

No, I haven't had backhanded compliments that implied that I looked bad before. I am uncomfortable, though, when people make a big deal out of my weight loss. I blush and look away and want to sink into a hole. Just a, "You look good" would suffice, thank you.

:yes:

I sooo understand what you are saying. But know that you are probably just glowing from your new lifestyle, more water (healthier skin and hair), exercise (more energy) etc. I felt the same way though. But I honestly had to look at those comments as fuel and I kept on moving. Be proud of the hard work you've done and be glad that people have notice all the hard work you put into making yourself healthier!

Hey lanalanabonana! How great that you've lost so many pounds! You're a hero! :carrot: :cp: :cheer:

Your story reminds me of a friend of mine. She used to be a really heavy drinker, and then one day she saw the light and stopped, with the help of the AA program. Well, time came to tell people she no longer drank, and she started with friends and family members. She was kind of hoping people would say, "You? Problem with drinking? Nawwww! You must be kidding!" But they didn't. They all said they were so glad she stopped. Well, so naturally she wondered what they must have thought of her in the past. And the fact is, they thought she drank too much.

So with the weight thing, yeah, it is likely that people thought you were overweight in the past. How could they not? Just remember that they are HAPPY for you now. And you're happy too! Just smile and say "Yeah, I did! And I'm really glad!"

Jay

hmm... I never really bothers me when people kinda have make these types of comments to me because I have lost a "ton" of weight. However, I dont believe I looked fine before. I mean.. at the size I am NOW, and when I lose the next 25lbs if people who only know me as this size would say something like that, then I think it may hurt my feelings. But 100lbs ago.. I know that I BETTER look soooooooo much better!

I don't think I looked fine before. In fact I looked downright disgusting. In my personal opinion. So someone telling me I look much better is a nice compliment.

And you have to remember that many of these people don't mean these compliments as insults. It's hard to compliment someone that's lost a lot of weight, for this reason exactly - we're afraid of being insulting while trying to be nice.

Not everyone knows how to word things delicately enough to where we'll accept the compliments graciously, this is a very sensitive area. So when someone gives me a compliment, even though it SOUNDS somewhat like an insult, I admire them for being brave enough to say anything at all then accept it and move on.

I understand what you mean about backhanded compliments. Instead of giving you a quality compliment it is mixed with something negative. I find most behanded compliments have more to do with jealousy than actual praise.

Congratulations on your weightloss.

I'm sure that most people don't mean it to sound negative. Like I said, this is a sensitive area and many people that compliment feel they're treading on 'dangerous' ground. I know, I've been on that other side (giving someone that's lost weight a compliment) and every time I think to myself damn! did I word that right???

For example, I saw someone in the grocery store I hadn't seen in a while. We were standing there talking and he says to me, "Wow, how much weight have you lost, anyway?"

Now, I could have perceived that as an insult, but I didn't. He went red in the face and said, "I'm sorry, that's not the proper thing to talk about, I'm sure."

And I said, "No, it's okay, I appreciate that you've noticed," then proceeded to go ahead and tell him how much I've lost.

It's all in how you look at it. And putting yourself into the shoes of the person trying to give the 'compliment'. If someone says, "Wow, have you lost a ton of weight?" they're probably trying to say, in so many words, "Hey, I'm noticing you're much thinner than you used to be and you look so much better."

Nothing wrong with that.

In other words, just accept the compliments at face value and forget about it.

if its coming from the same person all the time, and you detect a note of jealousy.........just say "hey thanks...you're getting very good at those backhanded compliments" I had to do this to my dil....if she could put you down somehow, she would, any way to make herself look better.

But when it comes from pretty much anyone else, I just accept the compliment, and internally shake my head.

Lana, I saw your pics before and after- I remember that you had a gorgeous face before and after, but I think you should be very proud of your weight loss. It's more flattering if you enjoy it!

good work!!! just go with the flow, not everyone is a eloquent speaker ;)

okay...here's a great back handed compliment i got before i lost my 25 pounds....i think i had lost 10 so far...so it wasn't really noticeable yet. I was showing a girl in my office a picture of me in high school when i weighed 100 pounds, had a good tan and had black hair....then i showed her a picture a of a couple years later...where i weighed 130, had lost my tan and was pale..and had red hair (it was a glamour shot pic)...and this is what she said to me..."Wow, you were hot!! what happened??" how's that??? lol. of course, she said i look great now (yeah....at 186 i look great???!!!) but that i looked really hot then. I told her getting married and having 3 kids and postportum (sp??) depression happened.

but i know this girl...and she didn't mean anything bad...but i did look hot back then...much better than i do now. so...i can't wait until i can take a pic of me these days and compare it to those pics..and go yeah....i'm hot again!! :) (of course, that will be when i hit goal at about 130 before i can compare pics and say i'm hot again!!!) :)

but back to your topic...yeah, you just have to look past the negative and take it as it's meant...a compliment to all the hard work you've put forth to make yourself more healthy. most people who don't have a weight problem can really understand it takes time, hard work and dedication to drop alot of weight ...and they see that you did that. so just smile and say thank you and don't read anything negative into it. i get it all the time at work. there's a guy here who keeps calling me twiggy. it's really giving me a complex because when he says it...it makes me feel more sexy than i am and causes me to want to lower my guard when it comes to my eating habits. but i am not to that twiggy stage yet. i got another 38 pounds to go before i can let my guard down...but even then...i don't want to because i do not want to regain my weight.

I was thinking and I think the only "compliment" that really made me angry was this girl said.. "Dang Dejay, you've lost sooo much weight, (to someone else) You should have seen her before, shje was fat, Im mean fat fat, (back to me) you loook... Soooo great.. wow." Yeah... whatever :censored: My boyfriend at the time was with me and he was like "she WAS NOT" :lol: When the girl said I used to be fat fat. He was trying to make me feel better because it was clear my feelings were hurt, I guess there was just a look on my face.

Yikes, now that's bad!