I've been thinking and thinking about this and it's been swimming around in my head. Finally, I'm going to ask for some help on this and maybe some opinions. It seems that I'm trying to undermine myself. Why would I do something like that? I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and I like to exercise. Yet, in the last two weeks, I've isolated myself from my support and group and went on a binging frenzy. I've tried to hang out with people who will be going out to eat or having a few drinks and stuffed myself. I wanted to be so full that I felt sick.
There are so many things wrong with this picture. Does anyone know why or have any suggestions on why I would want to put on this weight or want to binge and binge. To me, it makes no sense. I must be getting something out of it, but I can't figure out what in order to change it. It's like when the scale goes up, I loathe it and hate myself...yet it gives some self satisfaction.
I know...I sound crazy!!!! That's why I'm here...I thought maybe someone might have some insight and some recommendations. I really do want to be a healthy and happy person and want to stop this trend. I hope someone can shed some light on this or has had some of the same feelings so I know I'm not alone...if nothing else, thanks for listening to my psycho vent.
I can't tell you why you did because everyone has their own reasons. But I can tell you not to beat yourself up over it because it happens to everyone. I don't even want to count how many times I told myself I was going to lose weight and then I would binge and eat whatever I could get in my mouth. In time you will just "get over it" - but don't beat yourself up! Just worry about today and not yesterday. One day at a time and the more days that go by without a binge the more you wont 'want' to do it.
Just the other day - I treated myself - I went for a walk to Subway and had a 6 inch sub. By the time I was done I was so full. I sat there and thought to myself - just a couple months ago I would eat a footlong sub and chips. It takes time but before you know it you wont need to eat so much to "feel good" - but please don't beat yourself up! Today is a new day!!!
I don't know if this will work for you - but it works for me. A little treat once and a while is good so I don't binge. Or if my boyfriend or someone else is eating something that I used to really enjoy I simply ask for a bite. I have my bite and get the taste in my mouth. I don't need to eat the whole thing anymore - just the taste. Then I remind myself that I don't want to be fat anymore. But that doesn't work for everyone. I also take one day of the week to eat more then others and not count every calorie that goes into my mouth. Or if I start eating something I shouldn't - like a cookie - and I think to myself I can't eat this. I quickly try and give it to someone else or throw it away before I eat it all.
sotypical is right, i think i couldnt possible count the times where I saw myself eating tubs of icecream but continued just because I might as well... since I ALlready did....
It's just getting used to our habits, realizing that if it happens, it happens. When you fall, ________. You'd fall one to many times in your lifetime, and one day, it just hits you. You won't beat yourself senseless. You'll dismiss it as a petty mistake, and then you'll walk again without ever falling back. THat's the way I see it. The one thing to avoid: hating yourself for binge eating or not following a strit routine. FLexibility is suppose to satisfy you mentally, and being stern with yourself will only increase the chances of your fall, and prolonging the duration as well. Build some positive confidence; you'll realize that its easier than cake. Well again, it might not apply to you, but this is how I saw myself.
You'd fall one to many times in your lifetime, and one day, it just hits you.
It really does just hit you one day.
All those mornings I woke up going 'I am fat, today is the day I am going to lose weight' - all those mornings I really thought I meant it - but I can see now that I wasn't ready. Because that morning a couple months ago when I woke up and said "I don't want to be fat anymore" it was like something hit me in the back of my head and I really did mean it this time. I can't even describe the difference in my feelings towards losing weight this time.
I have never stuck to a diet longer then two or three weeks. And this time when I started dieting it took 4 or 5 weeks before I saw the weight come off and I would of never been able to stick to that before.
I can totally sympathize with you. Like so many people have said on this site, we're not just dieting, we're changing our lifestyles - and that is a huge undertaking. I think that many of us are naturally resistant to change and when changes take place (even positive ones) we want to retreat back to what is familiar - the binging and going out to eat (excessively).
I agree with those who said not to beat yourself up about it; it's human. There will be times when we slip up, but the important thing to remember is that those times will end and we can get back on track afterward. As frustrating as it is to see the weight start to come back on a bit, that weight will always come back off again. Granted, it will come off at a slower pace than how we put it on (at least that's how it works for me) but ultimately, if you don't give up completely, the weight will stay off.
In the past, I had been told by a friend that I tend to sabotage my chances at happiness (this was not in regard to weightloss at the time). It's an interesting idea to consider and I still don't think that's completely true, even though it may seem like that when I go into a binge or veer off track on my diet/exercise regimen. I don't know a great deal about psychology, but hopefully you can find comfort in the fact that you're not alone in this.
You'll do fine. Just keep posting here; it helps so much to read about the encouraging progress of others as well as the struggles of all of us who are less than perfect and take a wrong turn here and there. Just don't lose sight of your overall goal!
My personal self defeating mental problem was the fact that I was terribly shy and compliments or appreciative looks bothered me A LOT. I think that I "learned" while pregnant (and overweight) that I didn't get those looks or comments then, and I started hiding behind the fat.
Once, about 5 years ago, I started losing weight rather successfully. A friend of my bosses complimented me on the change ... and within a week I'd found a reason to drop the diet.
I think I've worked through some problems in my psyche since then, and am no longer going to let that fear of *being noticed* stop me from getting to a healthy weight. My youngest child is now 15 years old, I'm getting grey hairs and my daughters get the appreciative looks nowadays. There is simply no reason in the world for me to hide anymore- and every reason to get down to a healthy weight.
I'm not saying that everyone has this hangup, just that something in your subconscious mind might be sabotaging your weight loss effort.
Erika – For me, I came to the realization that I wanted to be fat – well at least a part of me did. So as much as I would try to lose weight, some part of my psyche would rebel and I would be right back in the carton of Ben and Jerry’s.
For me, there are two main reasons for wanting to be fat. The first is about safety. When I am fat I don’t think people expect the best of me. When I walk down the street, people see a fat woman - not me. What if they saw me with no fat and didn't like me? As long as I am fat, I have something to blame for why I am not my best and why people don't like me. I am safely shielded by my fat from anyone ever really knowing me. At the same time, it also shields me from uncomfortable attention from men. I haven't always known how to respond to male attention, and being fat makes me feel unattractive, so I hide behind it.
The second reason is a scapegoat. Kind of like in the first part, if there is something wrong in my life (like someone not liking me) I can always blame the fat. “That person treated me badly because I am fat” or “I didn’t get the job because I am fat”. My fat is my scapegoat for the things that bother me in my life. If I’m not fat, and I still don’t get the job, then what or whom do I blame? I might actually have to take a really hard look at my abilities and myself. The fat is a failsafe scapegoat for every situation.
You might have some of your own reasons like this, then again maybe not.
Self Defeat?
