My biggest doubt is that I will ever be socially acceptably thin. I have NEVER been thin, and I think not being able to picture myself thin is a major hindrance.
This was my friend, Anette. Big German girl (I'm German, too, we've been friends since high school) All her life she was heavy. Even as a child. She topped her weight off just a few years ago at 340 pounds.
Through her doctor's advice, counting calories and getting exercise, she now weighs less than ME.
Imagine that. A girl that's been heavy all of her life and now I'm jealous of her, lol!
I doubted that I'd be able to exercise regularly. I've had problems with vertigo (doctor doesn't know what caused it) for a couple years now, so it's often a struggle just to keep going in normal everyday activities, let alone cardio! The vertigo coupled with laziness made me a complete couch potato. But I dunno... I started out a little bit a few times a week. I started out doing about 10 minutes a day, three days a week. Now I'm up to more than 4 hours a week, easy. I do a little bit every day, sometimes more than a little bit :P
I doubted I could stick to the diet changes. But here I am three months in, and I'm doing really well! I've only gone outside my limit once or twice and Most of my carbs come from fruits, veggies, and whole grains rather than soda, candy, chips, and white bread. My body has really adapted to this change in lifestyle. It's adapted so much that last week when I wasn't eating my veggies because I was too busy, my body vigorously protested for four days. I felt physically ill because my body NEEDED veggies badly!
There was a time that I honestly doubted that I'd ever truely love myself... but you know what? I do. I really really do. I love my body, big as it is. I know I'm beautiful, even if there were no one else around to tell me that. My boyfriend told me a few weeks ago "I really don't see why you think you need to lose weight... you look so beautiful already. But then again, I know you're not really doing it for your appearance so I understand. I want you to be happy and healthy."
I doubted I'd ever be strong enough to help my brother move furniture. This last week has been my biggest test yet! My brother and I were the primary movers of the household this last week, and I was able to keep up nearly the entire time. Not the whole time, mind you, but most of it :P I was so proud of the fact that I was lifting 50-70lb boxes/furniture BY MYSELF! My mother was also proud of the fact that I never complained even once. I tend to be a big complainer, so this was a great victory for me.
I always doubted that I could weight, and those doubts led me to never even try. I just assumed that I was fat, and that was the end of it. I stayed fat.
The only time that I really believed that I could lose weight was once I started doing it because of things I'd changed in my life without having a weight loss motivation. I wanted to get fit, but assumed that I'd end up being fit and fat rather than thin. But as I got fitter I started to lose weight and wondered whether my doubts had been misplaced all the time.
Since then I've never doubted that I could do anything on this journey, even things that seemed really stupid when I first thought of them. The old me would have doubted that I could train up for a half marathon in eight weeks, the new me decided to try and deal with failure if it happened. It didn't, and I found it surprisingly easy.
There have been times when I've doubted that I could do this for life. Once I started losing I never really doubted whether I'd get to goal, but I did doubt whether I'd stay there. I've not put this theory to the test yet, but I'm getting more and more confident that I can do it, and that I'm not the sort of person that needs to doubt anything. If I want to do it and try to do it I can, the only key is remembering those first two steps!
I doubt that meeting my goal weight will make me happy on the inside. But I am beginning to hope that if I keep working on myself, inside and out, that maybe happiness and thinness will coincide.
I doubt that I will ever consider myself "thin." After all these years of being a "big girl", I wonder if I'll ever feel like anything else, even as my clothes get smaller in size and my weight decreases.
I doubt that I will ever have a really comfortable relationship with food. After many years of overeating, I think that I will always need to remain conscious of what I'm putting into my mouth.
I doubt that most of my friends will ever appreciate just how tough it is to do what I am doing. For someone who is genetically thin, it's probably very hard to relate to anyone who is struggling with their weight.
I used to doubt I could get through a day without bread when I first read a south beach diet book a year ago. I used to think that low carb was the only way. Now I can go a week without bread, but I'd just rather not...
I doubt that I would ever learn to love cottage cheese, but the other day I had a craving for it
I doubt I will ever have supermodel legs, but I doubt that I will really care as long as they kick people
Perhaps I have a nagging doubt in my head. I doubt that I really WILL ever get to goal... Maybe that's what's holding me back. I need to believe. Clap your hands if you believe in fairies
