[RobertW]

Originally Posted by shrinkingchica

Thanks for all your responses.
I feel that if I look at them and smile or whatever they will be either discusted or laugh at me either in my face or later on with their friends. I am afraid of looking like a fat fool.

Doubtful. Men don't talk much about that sort of thing amongst themselves unless you did something REALLY over the top. We would generally rather talk about sports or something.

[JoyfulVegGirl]

Unless they're really strange no one will laugh at you, trust me. People love being flirted with or smiled at. Makes 'em feel flattered

It might be worth looking into some counselling to deal with some of these issues, but even just changing your self talk can help. People will see you as the person you LET them see, and if you have a low opinion of yourself that will show. Start by not letting yourself make negative comments about yourself, either out loud or in your head. Replace them with positive ones. You wouldn't say mean things to someone you care about, so why would you say them to yourself? Instead of being critical start doing positive affirmations and focus on the things you're good at, the things you're proud about (That's still a hard one for me, but it works!) Try to realize what a great person you are and it'll start to show.

There are a ton of techniques out there for helping your self esteem and confidence, but the fact that you think you're worth the effort is a great sign.

[ShannonM]

I am afraid of looking like a fat fool.

Honey, I've been a fat fool and a thin fool and I can tell you this much: Life will go on.

I can't count the number of times I've said or done stupid things, usually in the course of trying to impress a guy, getting tongue-tied around a guy, etc. One of the best lessons I've ever learned in life - courtesy of my husband, the bravest soul I know - is not to be afraid of failing or looking like a fool. See something (or someone) you want? Take the shot. Scared stiff? Take the shot. Think you'll get laughed out of the room? Take the shot. I have employed this approach numerous times and the results it gets are amazing. I've succeeded in areas I never thought possible. I do fail, of course, and I still look like a fool sometimes. But so freakin' what? I lose absolutely nothing by trying and failing, or even by looking foolish. But I lose everything by refusing to try, because then I've let my fears control me.

So here's what I'd suggest: Next time you see a hot guy, go up and start talking to him. Flirt if you want to. Tell him straight out that you'd like to get with him, and then walk away and ponder the amazing feeling of liberation that you're experiencing. Practice failing on purpose sometimes, just to get over your fears. Once that mindset is in place, blessings will come to you that you never would have considered.

It has nothing to do with your looks, and everything to do with your confidence, as others have said. There really are men out there who will love you for you, regardless of your size.

Good luck.

Edit: CookieMonster beat me to it.

[shrinkingchica]

You know, I didn't even think about it that way. Maybe I will try to take risks. I did take risks with boys when I was in high school, and I faced rejection a couple of times and I guess that that was what started me to fear facing that rejection again. But, looking back on it, I suppose that I don't really regret it. I took chances then and was rejected, but that doesn't mean that every chance I take will end in heartache.
Thank you all for the advice, I really do think that it helped.