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Old 12-12-2005, 11:18 PM   #1
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Default Frustrated and hurt

I've been so frustrated and stressed this week. Not only am I trying to lose weight before my big family vacation on the 26th, but I'm in finals week trying to finish stuff up and graduate on Saturday. First, I've been struggling like always with the weight loss. Some weeks I do ok, but then I have 1 or 2 bad days a week and it just destroys any progress I've made for the week, which is making my weight loss a slow process. This has been a thing I've been fighting for a few years now (since I've started college). It seems like I can do fine if I am really strict with what I let myself eat (I don't starve myself ever, always at least 1200 calories/day) but I just say no to cookies, desserts, junk food, and I'm fine. But then when I'm put into temptation, real-life situations like going out to eat, I just go crazy and there's no stopping me. I'm so frustrated with this process, and I want this weight loss so badly, but I know I'm just messing up any progress that I have.

Not to mention I am under stress from my loving mother. A petite 5'0, 100 lbs, she never fails to tell me I need to "watch it". I've put up with her criticism and it hurts. It's something I really try to work on and just struggle with a lot. And the thing is, I'm not obese, I'm not overweight, I've just gained the good ol 15 lb weight gain in college and I'm trying to get it off and keep it off (for good this time) She called to tell me that she sent my brother an exam package to my house b/c its just easier to send packages to my house than to his dorm room (we go to the same college). She tells me that she sent him a big package of popcorn, but didn't send me anything b/c she knows I'm trying to lose weight and I don't need it. Fine, but couldn't she have sent me something like a candle or lotion or anything other than food, but something?? I feel so hurt that my mother who is supposed to love me no matter what (which I know she does) just can't get over the fact that I try but struggle with watching my weight. I'm going to med school next year to be a doctor, have always done well in school, I volunteer in the community, but I can only get her approval if I'm a size 3/4 which just isn't ever going to happen again. And now I'm anxious b/c shes going to be here on Saturday for my graduation and I know I haven't lost as much weight before vacation as I or she would have liked.

This weight loss is for myself I do want to note. In college, like many, I started to develop not very healthy eating habits and I want to cut that out for the sake of my own health because its going to lead me down a dangerous path towards out of control. Also, if I'm going to be a doctor, I feel I need to lead by example, and if I'm not healthy, how can I preach to my patients to be healthy? Ultimately, besides venting, I guess I just want to know if anyone has advice on how to get over my "bad days" and how to decrease the frequency of this happening, because as hard as I try, the longer I try to lose weight, it seems the more frequent these occurances happen. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading all of this, I really needed to vent

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Old 12-13-2005, 01:36 AM   #2
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Your post has stress just oozing out of it. I'm so sorry things are hard for you at the moment.

Weight issues and mothers deserves it's own thread, maybe a whole sub-forum!!!! Daughters really seem to cop it with attitude from mums, I know I did, and my sister was safe!!! Mum extrapolated all her weight anxieties onto me. Since my sister has had two kids and is a bit heavy, she gets it now, and because I am actively losing weight, I'm safe!!!!!

As for your bad days, I plan mine. I know I can't be 100% angelic all the time, it's not realistic. So I have a day a week where I just relax. Because I am "allowed" to go off plan, the pressure isn't there, and I end up eating say 2 000 calories that day instead of my normal 1 200 - 1 500.

I think the flip side of your comment about being a doctor and a role model is that you don't want your patients to allow their weight to dominate their lives, and perhaps being hung up about a few pounds sets just a bad example as not being plum on your ideal weight.

Are you actively exercising? I find when I am lifting weights and doing cardio that my body image is a lot better and I am concentrating on other goals that just the pounds, which makes me feel a lot more balanced.
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Old 12-13-2005, 05:55 AM   #3
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Ok, first of all, you are doing finals! Chill out! Nothing is more important than graduating! Then when school stress is over, look again at your weight.

I second Kykaree when she says take a day off. I tend to have one weekend day where I eat anything I want then get back on track the rest of the week. Also, if you "blow it" one day, get back to healthy eating the next day, or even the next meal. You'll learn healthy habits eventually, but it does take time. I still struggle with buffets and going home to visit my mum and dad and I've been losing weight for nearly 6 years!
Just. One.. More... Rep.... space Eat rubbish, FEEL rubbish!

Tune In Eat When You're Hungry Eat Whatever You Want Sit Down, Put It On A Plate And Focus Enjoy! Stop When You're Satisfied
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The perfect weight for your body is the weight which it settles at naturally when you are eating a balanced diet and exercising moderately
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Old 12-14-2005, 07:50 AM   #4
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You do sound so stressed! You aren't overweight so it is sad that you are stressing so much about your weight and your mother is causing it. She is probably trying to look out for you so that you don't end up gaining a lot during college and having a true weight problem to contend with, but there could also be an element of jealousy there. The thing she did by sending the package to your brother and not to you, was kind of a passive-aggressive thing to do. Sometimes between mothers and their teenage/young adult daughters, there are some feelings of jealousy - maybe you are smarter, doing better in school, or prettier than she was? Or maybe she feels her own looks fading and feels a twinge of jealousy toward you? It doesn't mean she is a bad person or that she doesn't love you, it's just a human reaction sometimes.

Part of your job at this age is going to be to separate what your mother/parents think of you from what you believe of yourself. It is a difficult time, and you have to do it with as much love and respect, and as gradually as possible. You can still respect their opinions, but you know that you now know yourself better than they do. I think you sound like a great person with a great future ahead of you. You sound like you really have your act together - you know you aren't overweight, you know you are in a typical college student junk food pattern, and you know how to fix that. You don't have to stress out and lose it all at once, just maybe try to fit in a daily walk and cut back on the junk food some - no big thing to add to your stress list! Hugs!

"The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach."
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Old 12-14-2005, 01:02 PM   #5
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Default We understand!

Family comments can really hurt. My parents (and especially my Mom) often make little comments and like you, I think, "Why can't they just love me and think I'm beautiful the way I am?" And neither of them have been what you'd call slim since I was about six, so you would think they'd understand!

I really do get what you say about feeling they'd only approve if you were a certain size and that they don't take into account all your other achievements. I volunteer, went to college, have lived abroad, hold down a job and have never been in any kind of trouble and I still feel that if I was thin, that would maybe make them proudest of all! But I think we can only imagine what proud things are parents say about us when we're not around; I think it's only their nature for parents to be proud of their kids! But it wouldn't hurt to hear them say it once in a while!

As for your diet struggles, my mantra lately has been: "Small changes." If going out to dinner with friends is tough with you, why not try not denying yourself everything, but just making a few cut-backs, i.e., order a diet soda instead of regular, leave a few fries on the plate, share a dessert. Do all of these or just one, whatever feels comfortable to you. It really is the small changes we make and the small triumphs we enjoy that make a difference. And remember, if you slip up one day, just get right back on the horse the next day; it's water under the bridge and you can do it!

Keep your chin up and good luck with finals! Take good care of yourself and you'll be just fine.

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Old 12-15-2005, 05:44 PM   #6
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S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"


My mother was overweight when I was a teenager, and we all gave her such crap about it. I am so ashamed now that we acted the way we did. Karma came around to bite me, because I now weigh more than she ever did. She passed away this year, and I did get a chance a few years back to tell her how sorry I was for the things we said to her.

Now--as for your own mother--it is just not acceptable for her to send your brother anything care of you, and then tell you she's not sending you anything. Why doesn't she just tell you she loves him more than you and be done with it? Because that's the message she's sending.

But that's not what you want to confront her with--especially when you're stressed out like now. What you do want to say is, "Mother, didn't it occur to you that it would hurt my feelings if you sent my brother something and sent me nothing? Well, it did." She'll probably try to say all kinds of justifying things, like about your weight etc., but don't get into that with her. Eventually she'll realize that she ought to apologize to you for her thoughtlessness, because that's what it was.

Hang in there! Finals will end! Really!

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