Thanks for sharing Funniegrrl - your post has really spoken to me about self esteem and body image. I'm going through a similar thing myself with a guy who I keep thinking is waaaaaaay out of my league - but he seems to really like me and keeps complimenting me. I just keep hearing this voice in my head saying - but why is he interested in me, over all the other slim and gorgeous girls? I have no idea, other than that he thinks I am a really nice person! I don't know, my low self esteem is telling me that I am imagining it all and am a fool for even thinking he would like me - but your story has given me fresh confidence and hope!
Great post. Lots of insight there. It is pretty funny how men don't really think the way we think they think, heh. I've found that men are not nearly as obssessed with our bodies as we are, but of course there are always a few jerks in the pack. Unfortunately, I seemed to always find them before I got married to a really really great guy who I had initially pegged as "not my type". Glad I gave him a chance though because a man who can't keep his eyes and hands off me no matter what my scale says is most DEFINATELY my type!
Good luck with Dennis (or whomever you decide on)!
thank you for posting this. I know most of us do struggle with the body image and those of us with a lot of weight to lose with go through the same things you do and it's nice to see you able to overcome them.
funniegrrl - I think you have put into words what most of us have felt. My mother all ways told us girls (8 girls in my family) don't go for looks go for the way a man treats you. Well I honestly think that if your attracted to a man your attracted and you don't see his flaws. I had friends that would tell me don't date him he's not very nice looking but when I looked at them they looked just fine to me. So go for what you find attractive. If you force yourself to go with someone just because.... fill in the blank. Your lieing to yourself and him. That is no way to have a relationship. I don't think a person is being superficial just because they don't find a connection. It happens to good looking guys! If there is nothing there, there is nothing there plain and simple. Now if a person won't even consider being a friend to someone that is overweight, not attractive (in their eyes) or they don't have enough money and so on that to me is superficial. IMO I hope I get my point across I'm not much of a writer. (wish I was)
Ahhh, Funniegrrl, your name suits you so well. I've been meaning to respond to this for days, but there's no way anything I could say could ever live up to your original post, so lemme just say this: your guy is one lucky S.O.B. . You've got your head on straight, that's for sure.
I really appreciate all the recent dialogue on here about body image/the "head stuff" that goes with losing weight. People (including the heavier me!) have no idea the kind of psychological changes people who lose a lot of weight go through. It's great to learn from other people who have gone through or are going through it!
I'm so proud of you, and thanks very much for sharing your experiences "out there." I thank my lucky stars that I'm not single at this point in my life (although, OK, it might be *slightly* fun to sow some wild oats, since I never really did, but don't tell DH I said that).
You ROCK!!!!!
Last edited by teapotdynamo; 08-24-2005 at 04:14 PM.
I appreciate the feedback here, as well as the feeding of my ego regarding my writing skills and humor level. Seriously, I've really appreciated what each of you have had to say, and I hope others will chime in.
As Jennifer said, people who have been overweight a significant amount of time often don't realize that losing weight brings issues of its own. You just trade one set of problems for another, or find that problems you thought would go away are still there, haunting you.
When I was gearing up to start this "final" effort 4 years ago, one of the things I thought about seriously for the first time in my life was, "I don't know how to live like a person of normal size." I came to realize that my fat, while being a burden, also protected me in a way. There were so many things I didn't have to worry about or attempt because I was seriously overweight; it gave me a great excuse in so many areas. So, that was actually a big fear when I started -- I was going to lose my protective shell and would have to relearn what it meant to be and act in the world.
So ... while I was prepared for some of this, in a way no amount of thought beforehand can prepare you. Just knowing it's out there waiting for you -- and being determined not to let it GET you -- is about all you can hope for. For example, I was ready for the idea that my body image would never be terrific. There was the extra-skin issue, as well as the fact that I'd spent my whole life ashamed of the way I looked. That's hard to unlearn. But, there are always little things, good and bad, that catch me by surprise. I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is also overweight (although not NEARLY as overweight as I have been), and her story is similar to mine: Never really dated, never went through the things girls usually go through in developing a social life and interactions with the opposite sex. In many ways, sometimes I feel about 14 years old in that regard. It's really an undiscovered country that I'm navigating. I told this friend about "Dennis" and some of my other, um, adventures, and she was, "You go girl!" I don't want to give the impression that I have a revolving bedroom door -- far from it! But, none of these relationships have been serious, but the two of us shrugged it off. I liked Jennifer's phrase "sowing wild oats." While I DO want TruLuv and all the things that matter, as I told my friend, I guess I'm making up for lost time, and I have no qualms about that.
Oh lordy, I sound like a trollop. LOL I promise I'm not! Promise!
Anyway ... to those who asked, no, I don't think the relationship with "Dennis" is going to go anywhere. It's been affectionate but casual up to this point, and I've actually found out some things about him this week that have given me pause. So, we'll see, I still need to Have a Talk with him and get more info before I make a decision.
Funniegrrl, I don't think you sound like a trollop at all. Relationships, sex and all, should be fun - whether they last or not. You are obviously a smart, funny, and confident woman with a good head on your shoulders. You deserve to savor every second of everyday. So, until that TruLuv does turn up I say enjoy yourself however you please!
dang I must be vain but if a person doesn't like the way I look then I don't need them in my life. period. I was born cute, graduated to sexy and at my current age 44 and 1/2 I'm just plain hot stuff. on my way to becoming to 100% buffed stuff watch out world here I come,
Even tho I'm lucky enough to have found my best friend and lover 19 years ago...this thread has still be an eye opener for me. My first thought was dang I'm glad I'm not in the dating scene any more...but also that funniegrrl has managed to voice what a lot of us has been feeling. In my case, I was basically unaware of it until now. So, if understanding the problem is the first step of the solution, a thousand thank you's to funniegrrl and the other chicks with amazing insight...people pay a lot of money for professional help that isn't this helpful.
I loved your story! I get the same thing with my fiance, guess that's why I'm marrying him. To be loved/liked for the way you are when you don't like the way you look is awasome! It has encouraged me too make myself that much better. I wonder how mine will act when I reach my goal? Have to beat him off with a stick as it is,LOL.
. You've got your head on straight, that's for sure.
Seriously, I've really appreciated what each of you have had to say, and I hope others will chime in.
