Confidence, Dating, and WHY does the EX start callin again?
I have never put a post on here, but I truly need to vent for a moment. I am a senior in college, My SW is my HW...at 166. I am already down to 151 since last semester, and my GW is 120-125.
Well, my first semsters I didn't gain the freshman 15. I was a maintainer, being that I lost 25 pounds before I came to college. THEN, I started dating Mr. Wrong. Mr. Wrong has self control issues and often eats how much of whatever he wants, and he's not in exactly the best shape. Well, we started dating, and gradually over the next few years I put on about 40 pounds. Stress, medications, and alcohol consumption contributed to the weight gain...but honestly, so did the ex.
Well, I'm venting becasue since I ran into the ex last week, he noticed that I "looked good" and has made an effort to call me and stuff. OK. He BROKE up with me because he didn;t want to be committed to anyone, but now that I'm "looking good" again, he's interested? NO! I AM STRONG!! I will NOT fall back into the trap!!
I don't mean to be vain, but taking care of myself is helping me stay focused. Once I lost the first 10 pounds I started tanning, makes me feel better. Next week, I'm getting a new hairstyle and color. I want to be a NEW WOMAN, wh stays in CONTROL of her impulses regarding FOOD primarily and her ex as well.
Ok. One more thing. I met an adorable guy last week and we have plans in a couple of weeks. I think I'm an attractive person, but my confidence is at an all time low, because of the break up with the ex, and the weight gain.
Any one have any advice on weather maybe I should take a break from dating til after the weight loss, and just focus on that, or if I should I jump back into "the game"? Any one dealt with the dreaded ex coming back around? HELP!! SUPPORT NEEDED!
Don't let your weight define you or control you, don't be one of these people that says "when I'm THIN I'll be happy, I'll start living when I'm thin..." I'm sure you are beautiful and you should totally jump in the game..****, he might not be available in a few months and he might be fab...you never know! Good luck!
you have to make weight loss and maintenance a part of your life or you won't succeed so you can't wait until you are thin to start living again ( i think lottie just said that ). this (weight control) is something that you will be working with on some level forever so you need to start incorporating it into your life now, especially your social life. if you can't date, go out with friends and do normal things while you are losing weight, you obviously won't be able to keep it up forever.
go on the date with the guy ( he obviously digs you) and tell your ex to screw off. he sounds like a sabotager.
i'm very lucky. my husband loved me when i was big and he loves exactly the same now that i'm not. if your ex is interested in you because you are starting to lose weight it should be painfully obvious that he's not worth your time. actually he's not even worth the time that we are spending typing about him.
Last edited by laura_on_a_bike; 02-08-2005 at 12:54 PM.
Don't let your weight define you or control you, don't be one of these people that says "when I'm THIN I'll be happy, I'll start living when I'm thin..." I'm sure you are beautiful and you should totally jump in the game..****, he might not be available in a few months and he might be fab...you never know! Good luck!
yup- leave the Ex alone- and go out with mr new- have a good time!
same subject but a little off, I really think that when we close one chapter of our lives, the past comes back just so you can deal and get closure. Like with your weight loss- old chapter, old boyfriend comes back.
I moved to NC from ME and my ex- fiance came back into the picture- didn't want me to move- yada yada yada...
To paraphrase everyone else "get living young lady!!!!" you have done very well, you look fantastic, and if you want to go grab the new man, DO IT!!!!! Time and tide weight (lol that should be wait!!!) for no woman! Go Play, and remember your 3fat chick girl friends will most likely want at least a few details!!!
Exes are a pain in the proverbial, get out there and show him what he's missing!!!! (I'm mean like that that!!!)
I guess what I would add is, make sure you're not doing anything just to spite him. It should all be what's right for you, when it's time. If you don't feel like you're comfortable seeing other guys yet, don't do it just so that he finds out and feels like a loser. Make sure it's all about *progress* for you, and not revenge against him.
That said, I hope you can find some way to melt those un-confidance issues, cause they can really barricade you in! You said they were mainly because of the break-up and the weight gain-- Think of the break-up as a way of you regaining power over your life! You don't have to plan your day around anyone else, you don't need to "check in" or "confer" about mundane issues, you're free to do whatever you damn well please! If that ain't confidence-provoking, I don't know what is! And as for the weight gain, it's turned into a weight loss, so just think about how great you feel now that you've dropped those pounds, and let that feeling put a smile on your face & a friendly word in other's ears!
I just have to put in my 2 cents here. Everyone has given you good advice and please listen to it. You have already said that this ex is an control freak that right there should tell you that he is saying that you look good and in his little mind he once controled you and now wants to control some that "looks good". The whole jist is that you would be a status symbol for him. To be honest he isn't worth jack **** in jill brithches! Get out with the new one enjoy your life and by all means treat yourself good becuase in this life you have to remember that there will be times if you don't do it for you nobody else will!
I agree with all that, PLUS - the new guy with whom you have plans: you may not be feeling that you're the best you can be right now, but you like him and he WANTS to go out with you. So clearly you're attractive to him, and surely his opinion counts? (I used to have this problem with my husband, until I had one of those little epiphanies - "HE thinks I'm beautiful, so why argue?")
I think what every one else said is good advice too! Drop the loser ex! Focus on you and new relationships. I learned somewhere that you can't go on and establish new relationships and things until you let go of all that is old.. Really good advice.
Hello, I am new here and have never posted. You are doing well, and for that I congratulate you. There is nothing wrong with going on a date. If your ex continues to call you, and you do not want to directly tell him to stop calling, just tell him that you are about to leave and don't have time to talk. Eventually he will get the message. Let him admire your beauty and power from a distance : ) An ex is usually an ex for a good reason! Hang in there!
Confidence, Dating, and WHY does the EX start callin again?
). this (weight control) is something that you will be working with on some level forever so you need to start incorporating it into your life now, especially your social life. if you can't date, go out with friends and do normal things while you are losing weight, you obviously won't be able to keep it up forever.
