[Pipsicle]

On-track with a whopping 5 calories leftover.

I have a small storage locker and I cleaned out about half of it this weekend. I donated some of my daughters old clothes. Most of the boxes left in the storage locker are what I call Pipsicle's boxes of shame.

They are clothes I out grew as I gained this weight. I have not worn any of them in several years and yet I struggle to let them go. I really like the clothing. I feel bad that I spend the money on it and that I can't wear it. Plus, I haven't been able to get the weight off. In general, it makes me feel ashamed of myself.

[Pipsicle]

On-track with a surprising 30 calories left over. Today was a new low weight of -32.5 lbs. It was a pretty big drop as compared to yesterday's weight. Ultimately, I'll believe when it sticks around for a while. It seems like 5 months is the mark to beat.

I am traveling next week and I am feeling anxious. Food and meal times always seems to be an issue with the people I am staying with. I feel like my concerns are made up and that I can't vocalize them very well. I just remember I how I generally feel during these types of trips. Perhaps it is just because my disordered eating feels like it is on display. The other disruption to my plan is I won't be able to get my exercise done. On this trip, there won't be enough walking to make up for it.

In addition to getting ready for the trip, there is a lot going on at work. Of course, there is also a lot to do to prepare for the holidays. So much going on.

[Pipsicle]

Drama, drama, drama with the scale this morning. I forgot to hold my bottle of soap so it reset. It will tell me for the next month I am above my starting weight because I lose weight so slowly. I was very upset at first but my husband pointed out I can get it to reset back to where it was.

It will be complicated but I think I can do it. Tomorrow, I will weigh as usual (just me no soap) to see what it says. Then I will weigh holding my cat to get it to reset 10 lbs up. After that I will weigh again holding my bottle of soap. In theory, this will put me roughly back in the range where I was before it reset. I feel like all of this rigamarole makes me high maintenance. It is better than listening about how I am above my starting weight for a month. I do feel like that affected me the last time I went through this.

[Pipsicle]

I am really happy; I got my scale sorted out! This morning I weighed and the scale said it recorded my starting weight. I thought it did that yesterday when I hit the 10 lb mark but I guess it waits until the next weigh-in. I will have to try to remember that and step on it second time when I reach the 10 lb mark again.

So after it set my weight, I weighed again holding my cat. The scale said it had an error. LOL! The cat was too fat and the scale couldn't register a new weight because it had increased too much. I end up holding just about every soap, shampoo, lotion and conditioner bottle I had in my bathroom to get it to reset 10 lbs up. Then I weighed again and I was right where I wanted to be. I am very happy to have reset this back to where it was yesterday. Now, I store my bottle of soap on the scale so I am more likely to remember.

So, next week will be wonky since I am traveling for the holiday. I am not sure how much I will post but I will be back in a week or so.

[Wannabehealthy]

Hi Pipsicle. I wanted to comment on the clothes you have kept that are too small. I have them too. Probably a lot of people have them. I go through them once a year or so to see if there's any I want to discard. "Would I wear this if I lost weight?". If No, they get donated to Goodwill. If Yes, back in the box. You should not let them cause you to feel shame. You could get rid of them and they will not be there to bother you. But if and when you lose weight you are going to need new clothes. You can spend more money to buy new clothes, or you can go shopping in Pipsicle's shop of smaller clothes. They will be free, and you know you like them.

If you are like me you are never going to quit trying.

Good luck with your scale!

[Pipsicle]

Hi Carol- Thank you for the kind words and it is nice to know I am not alone. I need to just let the clothing go but I really like some of it. I hope you had a good Thanksgiving!

I was on-track for the week that ended last Sunday. This week it is much harder to tell since I was out of my usual routine. If I forgo the extra calorie deficit I have built into my usual plan and just use actual values, I am actually down 5 calories for the week so far. This is great considering Thursday was a holiday built for a giant meal! If I include the hidden float built into my plan, I would be up 1745 calories for the whole week. Not great, but would only translate, in theory, to a half a pound gain.

Well, the scale cheerfully told me that I am up 4.5 lbs since I left a week ago. Seems kind of wrong, doesn't it? In order to have gained that much, I would have had to eat a total of 15,750 calories above and beyond my plan. In short, far more than double of everything I did eat. I definitely didn't do that! The ketone test strips are in my favor though, for today and yesterday at least. I had intended to bring them with me but I had forgotten to pack them.

Food was weird as expected. With the exception of Thanksgiving, every night was raw oysters and mustard greens with other varying fish options each night. I am not much of a seafood/fish eater. I need to plan better for these trips but just seem to freeze up. I certainly didn't starve but mostly ate junk food. There was never a clear plan or time dinner was going to be so it was hard to prep a proper alternative meal. I'll need to figure it out because we will be doing the same thing next year.

[Pipsicle]

I have gained a stunning 7 pounds in the last 11 days. Honestly, what on earth! I've never lost 7 pounds in 11 days. How can I gain that much in the same period. I need to lose 4.5 pounds in the next three days to post a loss for the month. My weight today was -25.5 lbs. I haven't seen this weight since September 25.

I've rechecked the float I have built into my plan. It is not quite as high as I thought it was. It is really 200 calories per day and not 250 calories per day. I had used 250 for my calculation yesterday to say at most I was 1745 calories up for the week. Using the correct value, it is 1395 calories. Either way, not enough to show a 4.5 pound gain. I didn't overindulge that much and passed on a lot of temptations last week.

This is too discouraging for words. I really thought I had finally gotten through my personal weight barrier of -27 lbs and now I am back on the wrong side, nearly overnight after 51 days on the good side. I am back to being Obese Class II. I never wanted to be here again, ever. The other thing is I am so fat, no one noticed my 30 lb weight loss. I haven't seen most of the people I saw on my trip since before I started losing weight.

A whole year wasted. I should be weighing in around -55 lbs (total loss -29 lbs last year's weight + -26 lbs/year planned loss) if my plan to lose a half a pound per week worked. Alternatively, based on my previous success, it could have been around -44 lbs total (total loss -29 lbs last year's weight + -15 lbs/year). I weigh more today than I did last year on this day.

Hoping to shake off this feeling of deep disappointment quickly!

Ticker weight: -29.5

[Pipsicle]

The scale was down 1.5 lbs. I need it to do that tomorrow and the following day as well.

I would like to eat a bit less in the evenings. I tend to eat so much the next day is slim pickings until my window opens up. I am suppose to fast tomorrow as part of my plan. It has been a challenge lately.

I was very frustrated on Thanksgiving. I had a lovely meal and ate plenty then I was greeted with choruses of "I ate too much", "I am full" etc from my dining companions. I was so jealous! Even though I ate plenty and should have been full, I felt hungry! So annoying and so not addressed in the diet literature. Wait 10 minutes they say. What do you do if it has been a hundred minutes and you are still hungry?

Ticker weight: -29.5

[Pipsicle]

Well, it is looking like a gain for the month unless I lose 3 pounds tonight. I'm just waiting to see how big the gain is.

My poor dog was up every hour last night. We took him to the vet today and he has an ear infection. I am hoping he sleeps well tonight.

[Pipsicle]

My dog is feeling better.

So the following are my options for my monthly weight tallies:

Option A- October -1.5 lb/ November +1.0 lb
Option B- October -0.5 lb/ November no change

I wasn't sure before but seeing it written out, I prefer Option B. It seems slightly less discouraging.
Total loss for the year = -0.5 lb

I am the same weight as last year but I know I am eating about 250 less calories per day. My metabolism is slowing down faster than I can cut calories.

[Pipsicle]

To feel better, I am trying to re-frame it from my metabolism has slowed down to my metabolism is more efficient. Um...it is not working.

I've written my monthly totals in my notebook in pen so they are now permanent. I had only penciled in October because I want the option to switch to the lower drop if I wanted. It is such a silly thing but it helped me feel a little better. Every month since May with the exception of July (only up a half a pound), I have stayed the same or lost weight. Only one month, November, was one with no change. The others were losses. So six pounds lost starting in May. Of course, all but a half a pound were regain pounds.

[Pipsicle]

At 5:00 pm, I let out quite the whoop and holler! I made it through my calorie window under my calorie limit, barely. It counts though and it was tough so it feels like a good win. I am on-track for tomorrow too. It will be tough mid afternoon which seems to be my normal of late. Shh....don't tell myself but I think I need to limit my calories in the evening.

I almost missed my ice skating window. I had made note of the wrong session for the time. I had just enough time to zip to the rink when I figured out my error.

This week so far, I have been perfectly on-plan. I am doubtful it will pay off in a meaningful way on the scale on Sunday but I can hope. Generally, the ketone test strips are in my favor. The only times they are not is after a big meal.

[Pipsicle]

Not a great day on the diet front. I have already eaten all of my calories that were to last until 5:00 pm tomorrow. I was just really hungry. I kept eating one smallish thing after another until before I knew it, I was at my calorie limit. Even worse, I was still hungry. So much for my perfect week. I will do my best to limit the damage tomorrow.

So, I bought stuff to make a home version of a popular breakfast meal convinced it would be lower calorie. It is not. I should have done the math up front. Actually, I am really disappointed. I wanted this to be lower calorie as a way of balancing things.

Tomorrow is another official weigh-in day that will continue the mockery of my attempts at being healthier. Improve sleep, eat less and exercise consistently to better your health- Nope! Not in my case any way.
B/P lower- Nada!
FBG lower- Nyet!
Weight lower- Nein!
Feel better overall- HA!

The only thing that offers a glimmer of hope are the ketone test strips. They routinely show that I am burning some fat along the way but apparently I replace it just as fast.

Fingers crossed and breathe held that my pessimistic side is wrong about tomorrow.

[Pipsicle]

Alas, my pessimistic side was correct. The scale was up two pounds this morning and my weight is -27.5 lbs. So six perfect days and one screw up day equals a two pound gain for the week. I am not perfect and never will be so I do I get through this.

Giving it another go this week. Since it is the holiday month, I don't want to make any huge changes because they are nearly guaranteed to fail. I will continue with the small changes and try to figure what else I can do. I already feel as though I am challenged to do what I am doing. This is hard.

Ticker weight: -29.5 lb

[Pipsicle]

There has been a full on mutiny and the captain has been made to walk the plank!

Have thoughts of good food decisions in my head but the actual decisions made are bad. I cannot express fully how annoyed I am with myself. I cost myself an extra 310 calories in a blink of an eye. The worse part is a large portion of me was really happy with the overeating yesterday and wants it to continue. It doesn't help that skating felt so much better today. I didn't feel like I was trying to muster energy reserves that simply didn't exist. Specifically, when trying to step up off the ice to rest on the player's benches after doing a series of laps, I usually have to use my arms to help get up the small step. Today, I did it with ease and didn't need to use my arms at all.

Here's to hoping the captain climbs back aboard while the mutinous crew is still sleeping. The probability of that happening tomorrow before 5:00 pm is slim, slim indeed.

I wrote in my notes that I was on-track calorie wise today but it is questionable since I had foods that were hard to calculate. Even if I was off, the ketone test strips indicate I still created a deficit. Things are bad calorie wise for tomorrow.

Ticker weight: -29.5 lb