I don't recognize myself after small loss
Greetings!
I have a problem that I either haven't used the correct search terms for, or that does not widely exist. First, some general info.
I'm a lifetime fat girl. I have moderate to severe anxiety issues. I'm 41 and have been some stage of fat for as long as I can remember. My weight has been mostly stable for the past 12 years or so, but previous to that I did the yo yo dieting thing, losing, gaining back, gaining extra, over and over again. I just finally decided that the up and down was worse than a stable fatness, and stable I stayed.
I recently moved out of the US to Taiwan. Fresh, real food is WAY more accessible and affordable here. We also have fantastic public transportation. In addition to those perks, just due to the culture, I have much less stress.
The upshot of all of that, is that since I've been here I have been slowly and steadily losing weight. All of my clothes are loose, my stamina is better, i can have full conversations while walking without being out of breath. This is fantastic, because it's incidental to real lifestyle changes, which makes me hopeful that the weight loss will continue and will last. I don't have a scale, and for mental health reasons, don't want to buy one, so all I know for sure is that 6 weeks ago at a doctor's appointment my weight was 24lbs less than before I moved.
Now to the problem.
I am experiencing very severe stress/disorientation/instability, I don't know how to describe it, when I look at myself. My face in the mirror does not look familiar, and it's jarring. My hands are thinner and not recognizable as mine. Today, I was sitting in bed, my feet out in front of me and I DID NOT recognize them as my own, even when I moved my toes. It was very disturbing and continues to be disturbing when I catch sight of them again. When I walk, my thighs don't rub in the same way they used to, my arms fit closer to my body, it takes less force to move my limbs (I almost fell when I swung my leg too forcefully for the new weight when walking). When I'm going to sleep, my usual positions for sleeping aren't the same, limbs are in different spots than usual, arms don't rest the same. I can feel pointy bones in my joints and resting my elbows on my thighs now HURTS. For the past 3 months, it seems like at least 2 or 3 times per week, something is SO different that it's disturbing to a high degree.
tl/dr - I've lost weight, my familiar, fat body is literally foreign and unrecognizable to me and it is disorienting and very stressful.
Has anyone else experienced this and do you have any advice for how to deal with it?
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