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Old 08-25-2018, 01:46 AM   #1  
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Default How to build support system; connect with people?

There's a lot out there about having a good support system to help with the weight loss journey.. How do you do that? How do you connect with people? I try to build my friendships by extending invitations and trying to be a good listener at parties. My invitations are usually declined, often with the dreaded 'soft no' (no reply at all). It seems there is a lot of unrequited friendships out there. Any tips on how to bounce on from rejection after rejection without taking it personally?
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Old 09-16-2018, 04:38 AM   #2  
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Sympathy, that's hard. A friend of my partner's was over last night. He's partnered too but his wife is living abroad to do her PhD, he's just moved back. After a while, we were talking about how hard it is to make new friends. I said that we're all rather lonely, and it felt like something you just Do Not Say, there's such a taboo about it.

How are you asking people to things? If it's a vague question, "we must meet up some time", that almost never leads anywhere. Easy mistake to make, I've done it myself, and then you realise it's a year later and you can't really text them now. Asking to a specific and non-date-like thing tends to work better.
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Old 09-26-2018, 11:37 AM   #3  
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Sympathy and always smile !!
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Old 09-28-2018, 02:20 AM   #4  
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As far as inviting folks to things, it is a specific invite such as would you like to go to do X (e.g. movie, coffee, lunch) on this date. Since it has been such a flop, I make plans with my friend and then extend it out to the social circle. At least then we still get out of the house. I would like to have a wider circle though. Thanks for sharing about your friend- makes it feel like it is not just me.

It would be interesting to hear from the folks who have read this thread but not responded. Are they looking for answers too or think it is an odd thing to ask?

I was repeatedly told growing up- your friends don't really care about you; they have their own things to worry about. From that perspective, there wasn't a lot of mentoring on how to manage friendships.
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Old 10-01-2018, 07:43 AM   #5  
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Hmm, I joined a "meet-up" thing for local stuff, when I moved back to town. Many of my old friends had moved away, and by putting forward the specific things I was interested in, I figured I could meet some people with a few things in common. I never met people at WW or other weight loss groups that seemed to stick.
I have not wound up going to the meet-ups and have left the notice board, because I got busy enough. I will pick it up again, if I feel it more, but moving back to my housing co-op has helped, as I am close to neighbours and its a friendly neighbourhood feel here, always was. But its not for everyone.
Hope you can find a way, Pipsicle. Until I moved back to town, I was also finding it very difficult, and having to drive for life and friendship was not easy.
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Old 10-01-2018, 08:22 AM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pipsicle View Post

I was repeatedly told growing up- your friends don't really care about you; they have their own things to worry about. From that perspective, there wasn't a lot of mentoring on how to manage friendships.
I have heard that, and even told my step-daughter that, but in a different context. Even though she is an adult, she is very self conscious about how she looks, what she wears, and always thinks people are judging her, but I tell her that people don't care about you, they are more concerned about themselves.

I think the best way to form friendships is to get involved in things that interest you so that the people you meet will be interested in the same things. Don't try to force it, but let the friendship take time to grow. Some people are just acquaintences, not really friends, and they may never reach the point of wanting to get together on a one on one basis, but the friendship will continue around your shared interest.

I am not very social now, but when I was, I made the mistake of trying not to be too intrusive into other people's lives. Now I realize that the best way is to ask people questions about themselves and their lives. Once you get them to start talking about themselves they will open up more and feel closer to the person (you) who took an interest in them.



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Old 10-13-2018, 03:20 AM   #7  
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Mad- Thanks for the tip on "meet-ups". There are a lot to choose from. Some are in the thousands but the introvert meet-up is only 55 people- LOL.

Carol- I'd like to be involved in things that interest me. I have a lot of issues with fatigue which probably plays into this. I do try to talk to people and show interest in them.

At my job I use to try to greet everyone in the groups I work with at least once a day on the days I was there (I am part-time). It felt draining to me and I was always the one initiating the conversations. I have backed off and try to do it at least once a week now. I am contract now and have tried to get hired on a couple of times. The first time I was turned down. Then they told me there was "friction" with one of the groups and one person in particular. It was the first I heard of it. I should mention before this one person came on board, I was routinely offered jobs by this company. At the time, I had to turn them down because I needed to be part-time. I have been there the longest and feel the least connected. I constantly ask myself - why couldn't I pick up on this "friction" and why can't I connect better? I have more on the second rejection but it is a bit much for here. Needless to say, it adds fuel to my anxiety.

Anyway- couple of more questions:

-Who do you share your 'down' feelings with?

-If you always have to initiate connect, should you let the friendship go? The specific case I am thinking about is a friend I have lunch with about once a year. I truly enjoy catching up with her. It seems like she feels the same way but I am always the one reaching out. I guess the other case is the group I invite to an occasional movie. Am I breaking some social rule that I don't know that I don't know it?

-How did you meet your closest friend(s)?

This whole topic makes me feel a bit lost. It circles back to how can I build a support system to help me get this weight off.
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