3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-14-2018, 05:54 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1

Default How to Lovingly Discuss Wife's Alcohol/Weight Issues With Her?

Hello,

Slightly nervous writing this as it's a sensitive subject, and I always try to be a very loving and respectful husband.

My wife and I had always been healthy and in great shape - we live in Texas so have amazing opportunities for leisure. Things changed five years ago when my wife had a breakdown and started taking anti-depressants, as well as stopping exercising and eating/drinking to excess. She gained 90 lbs and became very unhealthy; naturally, I was extremely concerned.

In December of 2016 my concerns for her health prompted me to address it, and I decided the best and most respectful way was to suggest we both embark on a new life in terms of wellness - so I wasn't just saying SHE had to make a change. Starting in July of 2016 we worked out six days a week for 30 minutes and *radically* changed our diet. It was literally like night and day from the previous five years.

The goal here was no fads or crash diets - we wanted steady improvements that were sustainable, with no food group denial that would create stress and encourage temptation. Goal was 1-2 lbs a week, kind of thing.

I'm SO proud of my wife, her changes and progress. She hasn't lost a significant amount of weight in 16 months (I'd say 20 lbs) but has got her old workout routine back and is mostly sticking well to our new eating regime. She is finding some of her old clothes are loosening up, and is also down a size and back in a few items of clothing she used to enjoy wearing, but had to retire as the originally weight gained.

Safe to say, she is a trooper and I love every ounce of her for it.

One thing we still have issues with is weekend drinking and weekend food binging. My wife will eat well all week and refrain from drinking 3-4 days a week, but Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday come with her binge drinking cocktails; she will usually enjoy both a bottle (750ml or 1.1L) of vodka and the same of Cointreau, in cocktails, each weekend. I estimate she drinks around 2-3 liters of hard alcohol from Thursday-Sunday.

On top of this, Saturday/Sunday nights usually means either a medium pizza each night or another "junky" choice. Again, we promised no food exclusions, which is why this happens.

I'm concerned. While my wife's weekly alcohol intake is down, she still binge drinks (and I'd argue binge eats) three nights a week, which is the consumption of a huge number of calories and it's naturally slowing down her progress. Coupled with that, it's normal for her to be in bed until Noon on Saturday/Sunday due to the alcohol.

We're currently staying with her parents and my Father-in-Law took me aside today to say that they don't see her often, and it doesn't appear she is losing weight. He is aware the anti-depressants may be slowing her metabolism, but feels alcohol may be causing a setback. I have to say, I agree.

Here's the main issue...

I've brought weeknight drinking up multiple times in the past year, and it really strikes an emotive cord (which I totally appreciate). She gets very defensive, accuses me of nagging and says things like "well I am drinking a lot less than I used to, and I don't want to go back to how I was" - which is of course true and I totally applaud her for her progress.

However, I just feel that she will never get where she wants to be, and regain more of her health and vitality, with these weekend binges.

The issue is, since I've brought alcohol up quite a few times in the past, I'm unsure how to have this conversation with her in a way that is loving and respectful. It's going to pain me to do it, but I feel it's something we must address.

Does anyone have any suggestions, or experiences, of how to approach this?

My goal is not to upset her but, since she takes such conversations very personally (as anyone would), I'm stuck in a rut.

Thanks,
Jeremy B.
JumbledWords is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2018, 06:16 PM   #2
Warrior Princess
 
novangel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 3,231

S/C/G: 155+/Fluffy/Not Fluffy

Height: 5' 5"

Default

Sounds to me like she's depressed, and drinking on top of anti-depressants won't help. It's a sensitive subject but unfortunately until she wants to change she won't. The drinking is a problem but she's an adult and you can't force anyone to change. These issues go beyond food. She's not in a good place mentally. I wish I had some advice but I don't. She has to recognize that she has a drinking problem and people become very defensive. Good luck.
novangel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2018, 07:14 PM   #3
mjf
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 162

Default

Quote:
The goal here was no fads or crash diets - we wanted steady improvements that were sustainable, with no food group denial that would create stress and encourage temptation.
Quote:
On top of this, Saturday/Sunday nights usually means either a medium pizza each night or another "junky" choice. Again, we promised no food exclusions, which is why this happens.
"No food group denial" is not the same thing as "No food exclusions". There are healthy and unhealthy foods in every food group. Pizza is (usually) not a healthy food, because it's usually made from white flour (a refined carb). If you're eating more than 2 slices then you're probably eating too much saturated fat (because of the cheese).

You may want to consider making your own pizza, so it'll be healthier than what you get in restaurants. Use whole wheat flour, and use vegetables as a topping (avoid processed meat toppings).

If you're looking for other options for healthy carbs, you can try brown rice, quinoa, beans, or sweet potatoes.

The 2-3 liters of alcohol probably have about 4000-5000 calories, so the alcohol alone is enough to cancel out the entire week's progress.
mjf is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:47 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2