Is it wrong to want to lose weight to feel more attractive/comfortable toward a man. The main reason is health. I guess it's a silly question. I know there are alot of heavier women in relationships, but I have let myself go weight wise, which has affected my health. I want to get into better shape. Weight starting to affect my joints, etc. (That's a hard thing to admit!)

Thanks for listening.

I think we have all kinds of different reasons for wanting to lose weight, and some are more socially acceptable to admit than others. It's usually safe to say you want to lose for your health, or to set a good example for your small children, but people (especially women) often feel uncomfortable acknowledging vanity as a contributing factor. (It's funny - women on the whole are taught to care a great deal about our appearance, but not to act like we care about our appearance, lest we be labeled vain.)

I'm happy to admit that vanity is motivator #1 for me. In 2009, what got me off my rear end and into the process that eventually was 120 pounds of weight loss, was when a woman I was dating, a woman I really liked, asked me what I did for exercise, and I didn't have anything to tell her. I was embarrassed. I wanted to be strong and fit for her, because I knew that was what she liked.

Now years later having put a bunch of it back on I feel shlumpy, and I want to get back to being the strong, fit, even occasionally dapper person I managed to be at my trimmest in 2012. It's still got a lot to do with vanity. I walk taller and feel better about myself when I'm trim.

So I would say it's not "wrong" to want to lose weight to feel attractive and comfortable with partners (or potential partners). The danger is allowing that to become central to your self-worth - there are other things that make you an attractive, compelling person beside the shape your body is in. And, as you note, lots of people have wonderful relationships without being trim and fit. But if it helps you feel better about yourself, and helps you let your best self shine, then it's as good a reason as any other to get yourself going on your process.

I like what Carter said. If I'm honest, one of the reasons I gained so much weight after I had kids was that I was (and still am) married and my husband didn't (and still doesn't) really care what size I was. Most of the time I was surrounded by people who only knew fat me and there was no embarrassment about my size. But as the years went by, my world began to expand. And every time I had to meet new people I was embarrassed by my size. That made me want to lose, but it really wasn't until I started to be concerned for my health that I was able to make a change.

Truly, I'd love to be a size 2 or 4 again. I was thin until my mid-30's and I LOVED it! But I think I'm more or less stalled in my weight loss because I no longer feel that I'm going to keel over from a heart attack or stroke. And my life is good. And my husband loves me. And I'm not (too) embarrassed any more when I meet new people. And (perhaps most importantly), eating clean helps me feel better. Now that I'm middle aged, if I eat a ton of sweets and a lot of bread at dinner, my joints are seriously stiff in the morning. I have too much going on to feel crummy.

Motivations are motivations. Work with what you've got. I think being honest with yourself is the only real way you're ever going to come to love and accept yourself.

Wrong? No. But losing weight (or making any lifestyle change) for someone other than yourself might mean that you won't stay on track. It's best to do it for yourself. But we ALL want to look good in the mirror and be seen as sexy by the people we are attracted to.