I don't think you read my post carefully if all you got out of it is that I'm a hipocrite. I am merely stating that the diet mentality, those that are undergoing a strict weight modification journey, get lost in paranoia and sometimes develop a superiority complex. A member of my family has lost 100lbs in the last couple of years and now she is all food talk and all fitness talk all the time. She's constantly talking about the effect of each nutrient on people's body. It's such a bore! Every food has to be tracked, justified, and serve a purpose. When I offered her a seltzer recently she replied "no, I only drink water because I feel that it coats my spine better." You may not notice it, but diet mentality is pervasive. And for those of us who are in recovery from an eating disorder have a hard time dealing with all the floating rules out there. When you are trying to manipulate your weight you have to get sucked into some strenuous rules about food and everyone seems like an enemy.

Not everyone is trying to shove cake down your throat. But if they are, can you at least entertain the thought that it has nothing to do with you? People push food for many reasons, it cannot always be the reason that they feel threatened by your weightloss. It might just be that they like cake, that they think cake makes people happy (it does), or that they want acknowledgement for making cake. If there is any lesson to be learned in life it's that people act in their own interests, always.

Of course there are people who do get disturbed by someone else's weightloss. Food is a touchy subject for people, it's not easy to make changes and it can be difficult to watch someone else find success at something that you're failing at. That's only because food has now become a moral issue! If you eat salad you're good, if you eat bacon you're bad. Food has become a moral compass for people so much so that some can't even eat normally around other people for fear of being judged. This is my main issue with dieting. When you set up a dicotomy of food and put half of the food in the "good" camp and the other half in the "bad" camp then you are judging yourself based on what you food you choose to eat. And this is exactly the reason why people who are scared of cake can't stop eating it once they start. Because they ostricize themselves from it, they put it in the bad camp and then it's all they can think about. The good food and the bad food are separated by a highwire, and everyone knows how difficult it is to keep balance on a highwire. I prefer to put all food in front of me, take the stigma out of food, see all food equally, and make choices according to how my body feels.

So why am I here? Because I pursue my health just like you do. I don't diet, I don't count calories, I don't weigh food, or count macros or whatever. But finding balance in my life is really important, I think about my health and let my body weight follow suit. I try to be happy with the body I have, exercise for the love of exercise, and eat food to nourish both my body and my mind. My perspective is a lot different, so I speak up about it. Disagree all you want but from my view point I'm not the hater, I'm just capable of seeing the other angle.

Palestrina - "Food has become a moral compass for people so much so that some can't even eat normally around other people for fear of being judged." - Not everyone's "normal" is the same. What's normal for you probably isn't normal for me.

My normal used to be spinach dip, pints of beer, wraps and fries, quesadillas, etc. The list was endless. If my normal was still those foods, I wouldn't be losing weight. The entire purpose here is to lose weight and be supported while doing so. Therefore I had to change my normal. Now I eat lettuce wraps, clementines, hard boiled eggs, chicken breast. It's just taking a different perspective on "normal".

I support your health and weight loss journey just the same as any other member on this site, and wish you nothing but success. Perhaps you could try to be a little more supportive of how others choose to take their journey.

While I was looking at Mark Twain quotes, I stumbled onto a psychology concept.

Psychological projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unconscious impulses or qualities (both positive and negative) by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.[1] For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. It incorporates blame shifting. It's a wiki - but it think it is pretty close - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection

Palestrina Fair enough, maybe not a hypocrite, but by justifying your own personal relationship with food, there is a slight call out on how others do it. Personally, I do not agree with specific diet groups who call foods good and bad, I see them as Protein/Carbs/Fat. But I will never say that it is wrong, because I have seen people succeed working this specific way. Everyone knows that to lose weight there has to be a calorie deficit, that is just how it is explained medically, so some people will concentrate on this, especially those who weight lift. Many people need to understand macros, again for specific sports, diabetes, or other medical conditions. Yes! there are people who over think and have a slightly off mentality of dieting, but these people need guided and shown that there is a less stressful way of planning weight loss, not mockery.

Have you ever thought that the family member who only talks about food and fitness, is because during her journey she has been 100% dedicated? Maybe she thinks you are interested? I have 155lbs to lose from beginning to end, I am nearly 45lbs down and I will sure as heck be shouting about it when I get there. However, I am not unkind.... so when I go to someones for dinner I will eat it! I will not pick apart the recipe and tell others that they should be more aware of whats in the food, that's just rude!

I understand that people push food, especially grandparents or those born through the wars, they were brought up with rationing and feel that when food is around, they must feed people to survive. Some people also just love to cook for people, that is great! But while those who are on a diet need to understand that it is not personal, those who are feeders, need to understand that it too, is not personal when someone says no. There are always two sides to everything, you can't demand the person losing weight to understand or change their ways, but not expect the same for others.

Yes, you are correct, people who are tied up emotionally will judge someone for losing weight when they themselves are not happy, but society needs to change! If me going to university can give my big sister the courage to also apply for university, then why can't me losing weight encourage others to do so if they feel necessary? We are living in a world of a growing obese rate, if we can all be motivators, then maybe those who are not yet ready to lose weight, would feel less frightened by it. Food is only a touchy subject because marketing and advertising has told the majority of people that you can't eat this or that, you must look like this and that, this will make you lose 100lbs over night!!! By motivating people to squash the rumours, wives tales, and bad information, they themselves will go on to do the same. Can I go and eat a McDonalds every day and lose weight?? No... I'll die of a heart attack, so I can't eat whatever I want. But can I order a Chinese takeout of a Friday night, Of course! No one said you couldn't, in fact the health industry say that you should have a "cheat" meal (while I would rather call it something else) once a week.

You mentioned that "finding balance in my life is really important, I think about my health and let my body weight follow suit", that is fair enough, but I worked out in the gym 3-4 times a week, travelled and just lived my life how I wanted to. I was in sport teams and an Army Cadet as a teen which involved various hill walking programmes and extreme sports. By letting my body follow suit.... I ended up at 323lbs. So while this seems to be very therapeutic for yourself, and brings great balance to your life, don't assume that everyone can do the same. I am very happy in my own body also, I have great friends and family who have voiced that I shouldn't feel like I need to lose weight, because they all love me no matter what. But after seeing a very healthy uncle have a heart attack, my mum be diagnosed with Gallstones, and to be told that I was too fat to do a high ropes course that I really wanted to do..... I wanted to lose weight to be able to do more of the things I want to do. The problem is you see that there is two sides........... when in reality, there are thousands of variations of how people lose weight and what they believe is the right thing to say and do.

Well said, Scotsgal and Nightowlrn. We can all support one another by whatever method each of us is choosing to follow the healthy lifestyle many of us are pursuing.

I'm fascinated that you think my difference of opinion is indicative of a psychological problem. Thank you for your expert psychoanalysis.

Honestly I don't see how agreeing with everything everyone says is any form of support. It's codependence maybe, but agreeing with me is not a useful way of supporting me. I get it, you need to be cheered on and treated like a superhero because you avoided a donut. Your idea of respect might be that others tiptoe around your food choices. If that's how you need to be supported then best of luck rearranging your friends and family to react as needed. I'm not familiar with a world that operates like that, nor do I need my food choices to be validated by others.

And why do we have to motivate each other? Why does anyone think that their weightloss is meant to inspire others? Maybe it does inspire some people but it's not up to you who you inspire or not. I could never be inspired by a dieter because I know that road, I took that road for decades and I know where it leads -->> back to weight gain. Not that it matters to you but I am inspired by people who are comfortable around food, who don't impose their rules on me, and who don't involve me in the nitty gritty of their bodily functions. Obsessive and controlling behaviors do not inspire me, they repel me and they sadden me. I can't continuously pander to the efforts that dieters make to lose weight and I can't participate in discussions with anyone about nutrients and fat grams.

Anyway none of this matters. My original post was meant to address the OP's assertion that there is a "them against us" mentality out there and I don't think there is. Even if someone is driven by jealousy they deserve compassion and understanding, they don't need to be labeled as haters. They have a side too, they have a reason for acting the way they do and if you plan on having a public vocal stance on food then you'll be exposed to people who have opposite views. Because weightloss efforts are just a change of your body, you shouldn't need admiration to get it done. Losing weight does not make anyone a more valuable member of society, it is presumptuous to think that you are a role model just because you've manipulated your body into becoming smaller. I just don't buy into that stuff.

@Palestrina, I learned from reading your posts. I learned that there are times when I should probably take things less personally. But there are also times when people, well meaning or not, are sabotaging efforts to make positive changes in one's life.

I would say the objection is that commiseration is not co-dependence. You are asserting that people who are unsupportive of one's life changes should have our understanding and compassion. I agree. But we also have to be aware of how to handle this for ourselves and commiseration in this forum is not the equivalent of being a diet crazed nut. We share compassion on this forum for people who are on a journey to be well.

I know myself - several years ago my grandfather made a comment for every piece of food I put on my plate at a Christmas dinner. He wasn't making sure I had every morsel that made me happy. He was humiliating me and drawing attention to me in an unpleasant and embarrassing way. It happens. You get over it and move on. But for illustration, not every one has a benign reason for pushing food on a person, or for pointing out what they are eating. Some people are just mean. And some people are just unaware. The unaware certainly, as you pointed out, deserve for us to take a second look and maybe take it less personally.

I appreciated several points that you had to make. Thanks for giving me something to consider and think about today outside of my own take on things.

Oh absolutely and I concur that sometimes people can become outright hostile when faced with a dieting situation. I've met many people, some of my own family members, who have questioned me and undermined everything I've ever done on my road to health. It certainly does not feel good. But I do believe that ultimately these scenarios are frequent because of the stigma of fatness, outright disdain for fat people, and a harping of the dicotomy of good food vs. bad food. As said by an old friend, we do not badger people who have 2 drinks on any given night, but we feel entitled to question everything overweight people eat. As if one can surmise my entire health based on one evening of eating.

By making food a moral issue we have in turn made other people's eating choices a moral issue. This couldn't be a more polarizing issue than even religion. The diet industry is at fault, we are led to believe that we can have complete control of our health through the food choices we make. We can influence our health but we do not have complete control over it. I know lots of thin people who have cancer, heart attacks, blood pressure issues, gallstones, gerd, hypertension, joint problems, stroke and dementia. Let's not forget that next time we're judging someone for eating cake, or next time we look up to someone when they eat tofu.

I never for one second mentioned that I go around agreeing with everything that people say on this forum or in real life. You obviously misunderstand the subject of support and motivation, if someone was struggling with weight loss and came to me for advice, I will always suggest something better than what they are doing at that moment. If they are very stressed in life, I will always suggest to address this first as it will make weight loss much easier. If I was to see someone with a bad diet plan, I will make a suggestion and hope that they take it on board. But, I will never push information on someone, like you mentioned about your family member who lost a lot of weight, is she tip toeing around you? is she giving you harsh truths? or is she just being plain rude? You need to look at your double standards, do you tell people or don't you. Either way, someone is going to be hurt on the words that are spoken. It is obvious that you are either hurt by her words or fed up, either way, you tar every dieter with the same brush due to your own bad experiences.

My family don't treat me like a superhero at all, I was a 15 year old school leaver who partied and worked her butt off to make ends meet. But age made me realise the importance of life, I got to graduate with an honours degree at the age of 27, I have travelled half way around the world, I have worked for 4 summers in YOUR STATE before coming back to Scotland and starting up my own business. Part of my own personal journey involves weight-loss, my family have always been worried about my health, luckily I have a supportive family. That does not make me a superhero, it makes me a normal human.

Why do we need to motivate each other? because sadly to many people like you are out there trying to rip the life and soul out of people. If you work best with tough love, then great!! you go do what suits you, but don't expect anyone to follow suit. Obsessive and controlling behaviours do not entertain me either, but again, that's someone else's problem to deal with, not mine.

Yes, the "haters" are actually people who do care and have their own emotional problems that are just triggered by the harsh truth. This is understandable, but instead of saying that in your original comment, you have went on a long winded rage against any individual who is still learning how to do it properly. The funny thing is... most people who do "hate" are usually those who are frightened about making the change because of what people say.. catch 22. So if making people realise that saying nasty things gets you nowhere, then surely being motivational will actually stop the haters hating, and have the haters joining in?

Losing weight does not make people higher in society, but being rude AF gets you nowhere either.

@Palestrina - I absolutely agree with what you wrote! There is no good food versus bad food. And it is a polarizing way of looking at things. Are you currently on a path of intuitive eating? You know, eat when you are hungry, try to pick the best options, don't eat when you aren't hungry? I ask because I read a bit about it and it seems to line up with your approach.

Lol ok then, you should avoid people like me. You thrive on melodrama and I don't go that way.

Yes, I am an intuitive eater. It's the hardest path to choose in many ways but diets were destroying my health inside and out. It has been revolutionary for me, and has had a tremendous impact on my body and mind.

"You thrive on melodrama" said no person who knows me ever.

If you had explained that you were an intuitive eater at the very beginning, had mentioned that you follow the path of eat when hungry, then this might not of got as big as it did. This again works for some people, many people follow this when they have hypnosis or virtual gastric band surgery. But a diabetic couldn't follow it, many people can't follow it, not because they are less in tune with their body, but because some people live very busy lives that only allow them to eat when possible. Many people have jobs that don't allow them to eat when hungry, it is a great path, but not for everyone. While I respect that this must work for you, you have to respect that not everyone can do it the same way. I also understand that the fitness industry (weight-loss industry), is 100% to blame for the mass confusion on how to lose weight. Which is why people like me do their best to guide people in the healthy and less stressful direction of weight-loss, I am trying to reach all those terrified and confused dieters and tell them to have a piece of cake, but don't have the whole thing. Enjoy their lives, but be healthy at the same time....

We agree on many things, but your approach and outlook is what needs worked on.

Thanks for trying to understand a little something about IE. But based on your description of it it's obvious that you don't know much of anything about it, just some recycled misconceptions. But I'm not here to talk about IE or try to convince anyone of its merits because how I choose to eat is far from interesting. I'm sure that if you had any interest in IE you'd look into it for yourself. But yeah, you don't understand it sorry.