So when I'm alone and it's the morning I do great. When I'm with people and it's night, that's when the drama happens of being tempted to fall off the plan and MEANWHILE dealing with family members! It's like juggling hardships. LOL
I essentially make two meals at night. One for me, and one for the family. If it's on plan, sometimes I can simply eat some of what they're eating.
But here's the thing: I have a teen aged son who is OBNOXIOUS. He has Non Verbal Expressive Disorder, which basically means he has no filter. Especially with me! He has finally learned to keep his mouth shut around other authority figures, but if they ask him how he really feels, watch out!!
Anyway, no matter what I make, he has some complaint, wise crack or put down. It is a vicious cycle where NO, I'm NOT going to make a five course meal that he'll just complain about. But then he complains if I make a "Heat and Eat" as I call non-home made meals in our family.
Last night I lost it. I told DS, "YOU cook then!"
"No. I'm a student. You cook. What else have you done today, Mom?"
**Pause right here and take that all in**
Basically at the end of it (you can imagine), three boys/men ended up eating fast food in my kitchen when they realized I was serious. DH was on DS's side!!
That is another issue as the family will take the lead of the father, so that was NO HELP at all!! And will make the whole issue get worse!
Options:
1. If there are complaints while I am cooking, to just stop cooking right then and there and have someone else take over
2. If DS complains while he's eating to take his plate and throw it in the trash.
3. To leave the table myself at a complaint.
4. Just stop cooking.
5. Make dinner and call others but not him. He can eat and complain at whatever's left.
6. Designate each child over a certain age to have "their" day to cook.
7. Just do that for this child. (Whole fam. goes hungry and blames me, not him)
8. Casually not be in the house from 5-9 PM and see what had transpired after I left.
The other kids are NOT like this, and I don't care if someone says, "I don't like Brussel sprouts" but the constant put downs, insults, jokes I can't shake. Advice??
Wow. And your husband is siding with the kid?! Wow.
I'd choose options 4, 6 and 8. Stop cooking, tell them to cook for themselves, bug out in the evenings. I might even think about things like letting everyone else take care of laundry, errands, cleaning, you know, all the stuff you don't do.
And I'd tell that husband of yours to check himself. Under the best of circumstances, teenage boys just walk all over you if they can get away with it. If they see any weakness between the parents they'll totally take advantage of that, but with your son's situation, in particular, it would seem that you guys need to be even more united.
If anyone does not like it, they are welcome to go to bed, or their room.
My husband is awful about this crap.
Sometimes, I just have to say, "eat it or go to bed" I'm done!
He does not buy the groceries, he does not bring them home, pack them in, cook the food, or clean up after.
So, eat it or go to bed! He goes to bed.
I get, issues, but really!?
My Dh, is a dipshit, love him, but, enough is enough.
He is also a bully, if he can get away with it. I do not allow that!
I have over the years worked with kids that have all kinds of things going on.
The one thing I learned is, "this is the rule, routine, whatever" This applies to people, animals, family, neighbors, any situation you are dealing with. I have boundries, rules and limitations.
They get that, but you/we, have to make the rule the rule!
They are not stupid. However, they can be very creatively manipulative!
I can understand your frustration, that is not a nice thing to have to deal with.
Remember to take a step back and not react with anger. There are always consequences for what we say and speaking to his mother like that should result in a punishment. Ground him, take away a privilage, and he should have a serious talking to. Let's face it, he hurt your feelings and doesn't seem to appreciate and value what you do for the home and family. As the only woman in the house you must make sure you teach your boys how to value and treat women.
I don't understand why your husband sided with your son about this. It seems disrespectful to allow your son to speak to you like that. I'm not familiar with this disorder but the sentiment behind your son's words is disrespect.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it might help to involve the boys in making dinner and washing up chores so they can learn to value you a little better.
This is absolutely ridiculous. Your son has no respect for you. I don't know what Non Verbal Expressive Disorder is but quite frankly that is no reason for him to act like that towards you and your husband should step in and defend you. I think you need to talk to your husband about him helping with this situation. If he is unwilling to help I suggest you make food for yourself and they can figure food out for themselves. If they decide fast food...go for a walk to exercise during the time they eat so you are not tempted.
Sorry you are going through this. I agree with the quote that Larry H listed above.
This is what I do. I post the meals that I plan to cook for the whole week. I print a calendar in Microsoft and add the meals each week. I put it on the fridge so there are no surprises as to what we will be eating the next week or so.
Whoever does not like what will prepared on any given day is welcome to make a sandwich or eat a frozen meal lol. And that's how it goes in my house. They know the routine and it works perfectly.
Wow INKRID.....what a horrible mess of upset feelings that you don't need to deal with on top of the already challenging process of curbing your eating. Your situation sounds so frustrating and must hurt. You totally deserve some support and your family is just causing more need for more support. I have no children so I don't feel like I can give practical advice. I like the advice lovemylife gave....or what about having each child and DH take turns choosing (from a set list) what they want for dinner each day.
I'm so sorry your family is being thankless and becoming your obstacles.
Stay strong, not only in your eating but knowing that you have friends that are on your side!
I'm sorry you're going through this, it might help to involve the boys in making dinner and washing up chores so they can learn to value you a little better.
This. I never really had many issues with my family and dinner, although my daughter would complain and whine sometimes. I always told her "every meal is not your favorite meal."
About 6 months ago I decided that I needed to involve my family in planning dinners. I already plan, so now I just sit with them and ask them what they want and we work around what we have. I have very few complaints now, especially because of the input they had and the fact that our meals are posted on the fridge. No surprises.
Sorry you are going through this. I agree with the quote that Larry H listed above.
This is what I do. I post the meals that I plan to cook for the whole week. I print a calendar in Microsoft and add the meals each week. I put it on the fridge so there are no surprises as to what we will be eating the next week or so.
Whoever does not like what will prepared on any given day is welcome to make a sandwich or eat a frozen meal lol. And that's how it goes in my house. They know the routine and it works perfectly.
Good luck to you!
I'm just reading this right now - I pretty much just said the exact same thing!
I operate a eat or it starve rule in my house. Your Husband is disrespectful, and so is your son. I'd be having words with your Husband about the fact he needs to back you up when your son is being so nasty to you, not let your son think that this is a perfectly acceptable way to treat or speak too women (or people in general).
And if they do this again I'd just refuse to cook for your son and your Husband. If they can't appreciate your hard work, stop doing it for them. You don't have to punish the whole household. Make dinner only for those who show love and appreciation for you. You are not their slave, their cook or their maid. Why should you do anything if they can't show you any thanks.
Family Meal Time Issue
