I remember something someone once said about me that always seems to come to mind at the worst times.
I was thin. I was 150lbs. (Keeping in mind that I am 6'1) I was on a plane going to meet my DH after we hadn't seen each other for awhile. I was wearing a black fitted sleeveless turtleneck and a pair of beige shorts that were on the short side. Not butt cheek short! Just short.
The plane landed and we were all making our way up the aisle when I heard a conversation behind me. Something to the effect of "I bet she thinks she looks so good" followed by "Yeah, maybe if she lost 10 pounds." I turned to see them both looking very pointedly at me. So I smirked and rolled my eyes at them to let them know I didn't care what they thought. But I did apparently because to this day that comment comes back to haunt me sometimes. I think because when it was said I WAS THIN! And now I'm not.
Another thing that randomly comes back to haunt me...a photo of me at Hanalei bay. I still keep the photo, I don't know why, but I do. It was that photo that shocked me into doing something about my weight issues.
So, I guess these things will just always be there in my subconscious and they'll pick random times to come back and bother me again and again. Does anyone else have moments/objects like these that never seem to go away?
I had a bf when I was younger and at the thinnest point in my life. Not sure what I weighed at that point but I was a size 6 or 8. He said, "if you lost a few lbs, you'd look just like those super models on my wall." He had pics of sports illustrated girls on his wall. Needless to say, photoshop and thinner builds were the only difference in our bodies at that point. I had no fat on me! It left an impression. I broke up with him a short time later.
I just found him on Facebook. Shocker ....he's still single.
So glad you rolled your eyes at them, MauiKai.... I teach teenage girls, and until each group gets to know me, regularly find myself having to repeat, "we don't comment on other people's bodies!!!" If I'd overheard your encounter it probably would've come out of my mouth as reflex.... I do also shhh children in the cinema
One turning point for me was discussing with my sister and mother what we should do for my father's 60th birthday back at Christmas time. We thought of getting him a portrait photo because we don't have any good recent pics of us all together. My mother and I said 'oh but let's do it in X number of months so we can lose weight." My sister was really angry and replied, "have any of us changed in the past 5 years? No. So we're never going to." I felt for her, because it obviously hit a sore point, but also it really made me think, and gain determination to prove this perception another person has of me wrong.
Also chatting with an old school friend, mentioned I was trying to lose weight and she asked me if I still had "the white shirt"...had no idea what she was on about....apparently I had a "legendary" white shirt that I wore "all the d**n time" in our teens, and it showed of "those d**n" abs. i remember abs even less than i remember a white shirt!!! They definitely didn't exist. Although she is adamant they did. That conversation actually made me feel awesome about myself, because I'd totally forgotten what my body CAN do, no matter what I tell myself (ok I'm not a teen anymore, but it could get close ) The idea that someone could envy my body was too alien, but weirdly motivating.
Nickilaughs, that guy.........may he be single everymore
Last edited by bramblefox; 05-13-2015 at 02:25 PM.
@ not butt cheek short. Wow! I am 5'11 and at 150 I would be skinny! Not thin but skinny! AT 6'1 and 150 you were tiny! Those ladies were hating. I find that happens often.
I still remember when a man in position at my job was hitting on me. I constantly ignored him but I am 100% he did that because I am very top heavy and always have been. One day he told me, I think you would be a bombshell if you lost 40 lbs. I was stunned! I was a size 7. I had another client at the job who was there for another reason ask me if I could work for him for a project. He wanted to take my picture and put it on a billboard!! Yes those billboards by the roads!! He said you are very attractive. If I put you on the billboard people would notice. I was flattered but after years of being put down for my weight at home, I never acted on it even though he asked me repeatedly. The thing about the 40lbs I still remember. It doesn't hurt me now but it did back then because I thought that I looked good. It's just kind of funny to me that he was after me so hard yet thought I should have lost weight. OK.
We all have our insecurities, but yes it's important to remember the compliments and the things people love about us. It's not good to only think about the negative thoughts.
I have been fortunate in very few people commenting on my weight. Seeing myself in pictures is a stronger defining moment for me. Seeing pictures taken of me with my daughter, I was embarrassed. I knew what the scale said, I just didn't realize how I actually looked. Looking at those pictures helps keep me on track.
nonameslob -- My jaw dropped. Literally. I can't believe he'd say something that rude! If he wants boobs like his ex-girlfriend's, why doesn't he go back to her!? Geez.
AngelOnHorseback -- Your post described me word per word. I have had a few people commenting on my weight but I think I remember the compliments more. I don't need to remember those who beat me down; I already do that enough on my own!
Seeing the number on the scale for me was always a bummer, so I avoided it for the longest time. And I would see myself in the mirror, stand up straight, pose cute, and go about my day thinking I looked fabulous. Of course you're not always standing up straight or posing cute during the day, so when I got pictures taken of me infraganti, I would hate them because they showed my "real" me. I still do. I love my face, I think it's very pretty, and I think I have an okay body, very well proportioned (even though I have a DDD bust, I have an hourglass shape). I don't mind taking pictures of myself if I can be in control of how I look in them, if I have time to pose, if I can pick and choose one decent one out of 100. But for example, my husband has the special talent to take the worst pictures of me, ever. He says he sees me beautiful anyway, bless his heart for that. But he doesn't get how some angles just make me look hideous and the bomb my self esteem really bad. I don't want to be behind the cameras in my kids' childhood pictures. I want to be in them. I want to be part of the fun and the action immortalized in images for my children to have and cherish. When I put it in this perspective, it makes me feel selfish and silly that I refuse to be in their pictures for being 70 lbs overweight, because I know they wouldn't care, and they don't. And taking family pictures after my husband got his lapband surgery, and all of a sudden I was the fat one of the two really hit me. I wasn't jealous of him, of course, I just felt that his thin self deserved a thin wife too and that I needed to do something about it.
But anyway... yes, pictures are my defining moments, time and time again. They're my wake up calls. Scales, comments, and mirrors, I can handle well.
I remember a defining moment for me. I was a competitive gymnast, I had just won gold at Nationals for the third year in a row and was still STANDING ON THE PODIUM. I was absolutely tiny, and had just qualified to go to my third World Championships...yes...I had gone to two before that one. My coach came over to me, and hugged me, and whispered in my ear that we needed to talk. I was so elated, I thought he wanted to congratulate me. He had me cornered by him, and HIS coach (he was also a gymnast) and they told me that if I wanted to go to Worlds again this year, I would have to lose weight. I cried for hours, started dieting the day after, and struggled with anorexia for over two years after that. I weighed 80 pounds, lost my period, started losing hair, cartilage, friends...it was really bad.
Losing weight has scared me since I became in recovery from the eating disorder, but I am finally in a healthy enough mindspace to do it the right way...so here I am! *******s are everywhere and in every form, but we get stronger after interacting with them and coming out ok on the other side!
And we all end up lying about our weight because of instances like this. Continuing the cycle of insecurities and attempting to fit unrealistic images.
I remember in the days of aol instant messenger, some guy asked my stats. He said I was fat at 165. Didn't matter that I was 5' 10". I blocked him. But where do guys even learn this concept? The media, misinformation from friends.
Thanks Maui for this vent post. It's reminds me of sad past moments, but also how strong we really all are.
Kahaney- that should be (insert strongest word that 3fc censors here) CRIMINAL for a coach to do. Jesus. H. Christ. You had just won and qualified FFS. It's not like you were impairing your athletic ability (which I do understand in ballet and gymnastics, you must maintain a lean physique in order to compete effectively... but there's plenty healthy ballet dancers!)
If I could know who that was, I'd send him the most primo "grandma Helen" (my dad's mom... she was the QUEEN of the ***** letter...) rant possible for damaging adolescents from a position of trust...
My moment? Seeing pics of me at a friend's wedding last summer... eeeeeeep. And then being sad and telling another mutual friend, who then offered to try to lose weight with me... yeah... if your best bud, who's a true gentleman, has that response? You fat. ;-) Didn't bum me out for too long, got a fitbit and have been slowly but effectively losing the weight!
And we all end up lying about our weight because of instances like this. Continuing the cycle of insecurities and attempting to fit unrealistic images.
I remember in the days of aol instant messenger, some guy asked my stats. He said I was fat at 165. Didn't matter that I was 5' 10". I blocked him. But where do guys even learn this concept? The media, misinformation from friends.
Thanks Maui for this vent post. It's reminds me of sad past moments, but also how strong we really all are.
I don't lie about my weight. It is what it is, whether or not I particularly like that number. I had a friend who was big who used to lie about her weight and frankly, everyone knew it was a lie and said so behind her back. To me, that was much more embarrassing than just being honest would have been.
I think many men are somehow "indoctrinated" to believe that a woman weighs 135 or less or she's a cow. I do not know why, but that number seems to be a common "idea" amongst men. They don't seem to take in to account that some of us (like you and I) are as tall or taller than they are! I do know that at 135 my head would probably look bigger than my body! I've often out weighed my boyfriends, because I was taller than they were. At my height, guys taller than me aren't super common since the "average" US man is 5'9", and I'm not insecure so guys shorter than I are fine by me.
Nickilaughs, I always find it funny when a guy comments on the scale number, but when they ask bra size don't have a clue. 165, ooh overweight, stop responding. 48DD - pooh big rack, gotta meet her. Some just don't get what the numbers actually mean.
Nickilaughs, I always find it funny when a guy comments on the scale number, but when they ask bra size don't have a clue. 165, ooh overweight, stop responding. 48DD - pooh big rack, gotta meet her. Some just don't get what the numbers actually mean.
Don't you wish you could go back and say something in your own defense? I do, hurtful words have a way of staying with you forever.
I remember when I was young, late teens I had gone with friends on vacation to a Greek isle. It was so beautiful there. I was confident back then, I was never thin but I think I wore size 10-12ish. I was laying in this incredibly beautiful beach near dusk, there weren't too many people left at the beach. I was laying face down in the sand enjoying the warmth of the sun after a swim. A group of guys walked by me and said something along the lines of "ewww this fatty is showing us her ***, does she really think we want to see that?" and laughed. I was so mortified. That's when I learned that I didn't deserve to feel confidence in my body. Only now am i unlearning this.
Defining moments
) The idea that someone could envy my body was too alien, but weirdly motivating. 
@ not butt cheek short. Wow! I am 5'11 and at 150 I would be skinny! Not thin but skinny! AT 6'1 and 150 you were tiny! Those ladies were hating. I find that happens often. 
I had a friend who was big who used to lie about her weight and frankly, everyone knew it was a lie and said so behind her back. To me, that was much more embarrassing than just being honest would have been.
