If you've been here for at least 2 years, then you were with me on my first journey when I lost over 90lbs and hit an all time low of 143lbs last fall.
Since then, I've gotten a new job and a new boyfriend, and I've abandoned apartment living and began renting a new house. Lots of changes have come about, but the biggest one is my weight. I've climbed the scale back up to 180, and between work (junk food and sweets in the break room almost all the time) and having a boyfriend who totally doesn't understand my woes about my weight, nor does he care about his own weight or what he eats, its been a real struggle to take back control of myself. I even feel like my relationship with food is even worse than it was before - whereas before I lost weight I didn't care at all, now I almost have an anxiety attack anytime I'm presented with a challenge. (I'm getting anxious writing this post right now.)
It seems so much harder this time around. When I was single and working retail, weight loss was a breeze. I could plan my meals easily and there was junk food in the break room, only it was in a vending machine which is easily avoidable if you never carry cash. But now, as I said before, there is almost always some sort of baked good in the break room - I've compared it to putting a recovering alcoholic in a room full of booze: you're just asking for disaster.
As for my boyfriend, that would be a lot easier to manage if we lived together. But we don't, and I can't afford to but groceries for both my house and his house, and its such a hassle to always have to go home and pack up my kitchen (I know I'm.exaggerating but thats what it feels like sometimes lol) before I go spend time with my boyfriend. He does come over a good bit, but it would be unfair for me to expect him to only come to my house just to suit my dietary needs. Not only that, it makes it hard to plan and cook meals because I never really know where I'm going to be staying.
Food in general has become a huge hassle, and I end up just eating whatever is available because its just easier, but I know that's not good because obviously I just keep gaining weight. How can I make this easier? BF moving in isnt an option bc my landlord is my very conservative grandmother who simply would not allow it. If that wasn't the case, I'd just let my bf move in and then i wouldn't be going back and forth all the time. Work is simply a matter of avoiding the break room.
As for working out, that's not as much of a hassle but o just suck at working out consistantly. Every time I start a workout routine something throws me out of whack and its super hard for me to get back into it once I've been knocked off course.
This probably all sounds like a bunch of whining, which it is, but the thought of everything overwhelms me and I don't know how to manage it anymore. How can I keep this from being so overwhelming??
I used to loathe the break room buffets. Why people insist on doing it I will never know. I can see for birthdays and special occasions but at my last job it was ALL the time. Then the non-stop complaining about their weight followed. I started to encourage that everyone bring healthy alternatives and that seemed to work sometimes but FFS everyday with the food. Those women drove me insane for several reasons, the break room food orgies was only a minor detail in comparison to other irrelevant BS.
I avoided the break room entirely.
The BF situation is tricky because living together wouldn't necessarily solve your food problems. Think if he smoked a lot and you just quit. You say he has poor eating habits. Both of you should come up with a plan for healthier lifestyle together before that day comes.
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I can't afford to but groceries for both my house and his house, and its such a hassle to always have to go home and pack up my kitchen (I know I'm.exaggerating but thats what it feels like sometimes lol) before I go spend time with my boyfriend. He does come over a good bit, but it would be unfair for me to expect him to only come to my house just to suit my dietary needs. Not only that, it makes it hard to plan and cook meals because I never really know where I'm going to be staying.
Yeah, I've been back and forth too... as my profile says... 2009... eeeeeesh! I hoped to have this under control and conquered by now, but it seems like every life change makes it more difficult. Single college working girl was super easy. Having a boyfriend made it harder, married made it even moreso, and having a baby I just threw losing weight out the window. I NEED to now though so I'm back. Would it be possible for you to make up or buy some food that fits into your plan and just store it in his freezer and cupboard? He doesn't have to eat it with you, but if it's important to you, you need to talk to him about it. Make sure you know he doesn't have to join you, you aren't going to hold it against him, but it's something you have to do to be happy with yourself.
First...congratulations on all your past success. I'm a true believer that past successes are a great indicator of future success. You've done it once - you can do it again!!
I'm so sorry you are challenged so much now. I feel like the step that would get you the most success right now is talking with your boyfriend about what is important to you and figure out a way to meet both of your needs. Believe me if you can't communicate about this issue then the future will only be harder. My first husband was like this and I didn't stand up for myself. The result was years and years of bad choices (and not just in the food department).
I'm not sure if this next thing will work for you (it's a little wacky ) but it's worked for me. Once I started imagining all my co-workers as horribly unclean cooks it became easier to walk away from that stuff on the break room counter. I know it sounds crazy to think about your co-workers like that but I was really at my wit's end with all the stuff I had to be tempted by. Now...I do have to admit that it's hurt my ability to go to those holiday potlucks but then again those things are not normally known for their healthy choices and who knows, maybe my co-workers really are the incubus of the plague and I've saved my own life by not eating their germ laden creations! Or...it's possible that I just might need some professional help!
I've been back and forth here, and finally figured out if I just keep hanging out here I do better, even if I'm not in full on weight loss mode. And believe me, it's not that often that I'm in full on weight loss mode.
Sometimes you have to just work on stopping the gaining, then work on losing. Baby steps, have patience with yourself like you would anyone else, celebrate the small successes.
I too imagine food in our break room as kind of gross. I think of germs and stuff being left out all day, if I'm going to eat a treat I want it to be the best, freshest version of whatever it is. Yesterday was leftover Xmas cookies, I didn't even go over and look, too tempting. Gabby
Definitely talk to your BF if you haven't already just to let him know what's on your mind, he might be able to help you just not to feel so overwhelmed.
Best of luck to you and don't give up, you don't have to do it all at once
In addition to all the great comments, I just want to suggest you take a hard look at the "eating junk at the boyfriend's house because it is too hard/expensive to keep healthy food there" to make sure it isn't mostly just a giant rationalization -- because it sounds really, really familiar to me... hmmmm.. where have I heard that before... oh yeah... I said just the same sort of thing when I was dating Mr. Snark.
And really the problem had less to do with money and logistics and more to do with the fact that:
1. Eating junk with my boyfriend (who, like yours, didn't care about healthy food and weight and whatnot) was really, really fun and tasty and once I got into the habit of eating junky stuff it was hard to stop eating it, because: fun and tasty.
2. I didn't want to be seen by my lovely boyfriend as "uptight food chick", I wanted to be seen as "drinks Guinness and eat brats off the grill and is still super hot and sexy in the bedroom because she's ultra cool and not uptight about weight and food chick". (Note: you're not "uptight food chick" if feed yourself well, you're "healthy chick who eats well and is still super hot and sexy in the bedroom because she's ultra cool, period.")
[Stock some frozen meals, some soup, and some canned stuff that stores well at his house, if money and logistics are really an issue. Will it be gourmet? No, but you can at least keep from being overwhelmed with the junky choices he might be making by having something quick on hand!]
3. See #1 and #2
I recommend some gentle hugs to yourself for the challenges you face (it is hard, I know), and then some serious sucking-it-up-buttercup because the world is full of breakrooms populated with people who don't eat like you need to eat and who aren't going to relate to your particular food quirks (and you will even share a bed with some of these alien people who don't eat like you eat!), so you might as well get used to it now if you want your health to be a priority. And I know you do want that.
I absolutely have full faith in you, so I hope you have faith in yourself. You can do it.
So many good thoughts above. Just one little thing to add:
Why would it be "unfair" of you to want him to stay at your place? If he stays with you, you are probably the one who washes the sheets, does the cooking, scrubs the toilets. Before my husband and I moved in together, I preferred staying at his place by a margin of about 1000 to 1. I don't know how he feels about it, but I wonder if you have taken the opportunity to ask him. He may very well much prefer that arrangement, or maybe not think it's a big deal. If it's important to you, and he doesn't care, there's no unfairness about doing it the way that works better for you. Part of being a couple is allowing your significant other to give to you, and to genuinely appreciate it when he does.
I remember your posts from before. You were always enthusiastic, and if I recall correctly, you were living with your parents before, and had some challenges there. You found a way through it then. I know you'll do it now!
Hard to add to the above posts, lots of level headed advice
But I will try to toss a few in there mostly because I don't want to go back out to work right now even though the sun is shining bright and it is a clear and warm t-shirt day.
But for the life of me I don't see why you don't be clear with him, absolutely clear as to your NEED to watch your weight. As the others said he does not have to eat the same as you, nor you he. And if he will not go along with that, to be honest, it will be time to dump him. There will be more... as a friend of mine says, there will be one at the next bus stop. But if he does care about you there will be no problem at all.
As for the break room, there are several different solutions you could use. Some suggested here and many you could come up with. Also I am a recovering alcoholic and believe me, you could lock me i a room full of booze, stock it in every closet in the house and cook with it, I would have no problem. But.... That is me.
You do not have to go to the break room do you? Can you just go outside and eat a carried snack and drink your coffee or whatever? Or is it that you are unable to resist what others MAY think of your not eating their snacks? You will find that it is mostly only you who cares, most if not all the others will think more highly of you for making and following your own path and showing you have what it takes to not indulge. People with higher control abilities are sought after as administrative personal also.
As for being harder to get it under control the second time, you are absolutely correct. The first time I stopped smoking it was a nothing thing. So I figured I would smoke for a while being as it was so easy to quit anyway. The second time I stopped was not near as easy but not bad. By the time I had to quit I found it almost impossible. So hard that for 3 years I bought my cigs a pack at a time because I was going to quit at any time. 3 years. Yup, 3 years. And losing weight and stopping drinking same way. I finally stopped smoking and it has been almost 38 years since I smoked and it has been 21 years since I stopped drinking. And I am going to make this my last time for losing weight. When I get it off, and I am, I only have 18 lbs more to go for my goal of 180 lbs, a 98 lb weight loss. I am determined to keep it off. Same as for drinking and smoking, it is easier to stay stopped than it is to stop. I do not want to have to go through this again and frankly I don't think I have another weight loss attempt left in me.
This is your life. You make of it what you ought for you. As several said before, talk it over with him. And if you do not come to an easy solution that you both are happy with, you are best advised to to the scariest thing of all... dump him. No one ought to be in a relationship with someone who does not care enough about the other enough to cooperate with their needs.
It's so easy to get overwhelmed when you're working, running a household, and trying to lose weight. Don't let it swamp you, though! Just pick one thing to focus on at a time, work at it until it becomes close to second nature, and jump to the next one. I have anxiety problems too, so I feel you.
One of the things I find helpful, when I feel like I'm getting overwhelmed by things I need to do, change, or make a habit of, is just make a list. Make a list of all those things that make you anxious or nag you, and why they bother you. Then, write out a step-by-step plan for each one on how to knock it off the list. I usually pick the one that seems easiest or most within my realm of immediate control and go from there.
Cooking in either place may not have to be so daunting and tedious. Try picking one day a week that you know you're generally free to get your grocery shopping done, get everything you need to make a week's worth of healthy meals in one go, just like you would for your single home. Then, when you get home, split everything in half. Put half in your fridge, half in a grocery bag, and go visit your boyfriend that night. Store half at his place, so then no matter where you are, you always have the ingredients you need.
Craigslisting a couple crock pots and a couple small to medium size baking or roasting pans will make it even easier. That way, if you know you're going to be at the same place you started the day in later that evening, you can throw stuff in the crock pot. Or, if it's a wild card night, throw it in the oven for quick cooking.
I hope you find something I've said helpful. I know there's been a LOT of good advice already here. Keep your chin up! A lot of these things seem really hard, but just remember, you made it through yesterday. You can make it through today. And every day it'll get a little easier to make little improvements. You got this!
If you've been here for at least 2 years, then you were with me on my first journey when I lost over 90lbs and hit an all time low of 143lbs last fall.
Since then, I've gotten a new job and a new boyfriend, and I've abandoned apartment living and began renting a new house. Lots of changes have come about, but the biggest one is my weight. I've climbed the scale back up to 180, and between work (junk food and sweets in the break room almost all the time) and having a boyfriend who totally doesn't understand my woes about my weight, nor does he care about his own weight or what he eats, its been a real struggle to take back control of myself. I even feel like my relationship with food is even worse than it was before - whereas before I lost weight I didn't care at all, now I almost have an anxiety attack anytime I'm presented with a challenge. (I'm getting anxious writing this post right now.)
..........
This probably all sounds like a bunch of whining, which it is, but the thought of everything overwhelms me and I don't know how to manage it anymore. How can I keep this from being so overwhelming??
Yes, back to the OP, her struggles deserve our attention. MB, the above parts of your post stood out to me. You have gone through a number of life changes fairly quickly, and you have anxiety now about anything challenging. This seems like a potential root problem. Can you break it down into maneagable chunks?
Example - job: what is stressful about the situation; what can I alter to improve it; what can't be changed/may take time to resolve, etc. Then same with boyfriend situation, and so on. I found this approach very helpful when anxiety reared its head in my life.
I've been watching this thread and I really appreciate all the great advice! I know that the bottom line is if I want to be back to where I was and happy again, then that is all up to me -- not my bf, not my coworkers, not anyone but myself. I have talked to my bf before about it and he's fully supportive and always encourages me to workout, but he also reminds me that he isn't on a diet and I shouldn't try to force him to eat like I eat -- which is true. And he loves me no matter what, so I know there's that.
Back to the original topic at hand...
I think the hard part is realizing that this is up to YOU. I still struggle with that -- all the time during the holidays -- when it's easy to rationalize that I can't eat healthy at this meal or that I can't order the salad because no one else is ordering the salad, or whatever the excuse may be (my boyfriend, my workplace, my car, my cat, my walls...).
I think for me, it's focusing on what is important to ME and not worry about what others think or do. Just because that person is eating Chinese (horrible for me, in any way or shape), doesn't mean that I have to eat it too (even if I love it). I'm the one CHOOSING to not eat well or exercise or whatever your plan is.
I've been unmotivated for a large part of 2014, with work and travel as my excuse. I'm working on January being the start of no more excuses for me. I've sat at the same weight for two years now and now it's time to get back down to under 160 and stay there.
Good luck, mimsy.
(P.S. IF following the "rules" guaranteed anyone a happy life, everyone would be doing it. But life doesn't work that way. Sleep around, be celibate, ride a bike, skip dessert, sleep 8 hours, get married, get divorced, dye your hair... doesn't matter -- do what works for *you* [the general you])
WOW! I came on here to read Lauren's thread because I also started two years ago and Lauren has always been one of the people I love to follow. Why? Because you're awesome, Lauren!!!
In regards to your regain, Lauren- ME TOO! I was 146 in March and I'm at least 170 now- I am going by measurements for a bit to not startle myself! I know it's cliche but is working for me so far is the idea of a new year. I need to forgive myself for the chaos and gain of 2014- it seems like 2013 was a huge year for loss and 2014 was a constant struggle and slow gain. I feel like there is new wind beneath my sails. Others have wisely suggested some food, metabolic rate, planning ahead etc. ideas so my contribution is: forgive yourself. Remember when you started losing weight and you had to forgive yourself for the initial gain? We all go through that. I hated 210 lb me for what I had done to myself but that attitude wouldn't get me anywhere. Someone on 3FC (maybe kaplods or freelancemomma? I have it written somewhere because they changed my world) told me to let 210 lb Sarah go. I encourage you, while it's hard, to do the same. Yup, you've gained- and it SUCKS looking forward and having to redo what you have already done. But it also sucks staying where you are so choose what sucks less. I believe in you so much and honestly, Lauren, you have no idea how much you have inspired me over the years. So, my advice is to cut yourself a little slack and move forward. I know you can do it. PS enjoy your next sleepover
You guys handled the derail but it was uncalled for and I've cleaned up this thread. This is a forum of weight loss support and please keep that in mind when replying.
I have become lost in my weight.
) but it's worked for me. Once I started imagining all my co-workers as horribly unclean cooks it became easier to walk away from that stuff on the break room counter. I know it sounds crazy to think about your co-workers like that but I was really at my wit's end with all the stuff I had to be tempted by. Now...I do have to admit that it's hurt my ability to go to those holiday potlucks but then again those things are not normally known for their healthy choices and who knows, maybe my co-workers really are the incubus of the plague and I've saved my own life by not eating their germ laden creations! 
Or...it's possible that I just might need some professional help! 
