Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-04-2014, 12:09 AM   #1  
Junior Member
Thread Starter
 
Mercedes136's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 23

S/C/G: 260/261/180

Height: 64 inches

Default So frustrated with myself!

So I joined back in April was kind if on track for a while and been on and off again all summer. After a recent issue of me barely able to fit into my airplane seat to fly to the Caribbean for vacation with my family ;( I once again told myself, ok back on track so I have been on 3FC a lot in the last few days which helps me feel better and not so defeated. So again I am "making the healthy choices" for past 2 dAys thinking ok just one day at a time. Then tonight I got off work late my daughter had gymnastics, so it was late when she was done, I didn't plan ahead and pack myself a snack, I really didn't want to try to find something to cook At home so I let my 7 year old pick where we would eat telling myself well if she picks someplace and I eat bad choices that is where she picked and we had to go there, like I can't tell her no or get the healthy options. So, we went to taco johns where I find myself ordering the value meal and Large potatoe oles "tator tots fried in greese"! Then I get a desert of mini Mexican donuts! WHat the heck! Then I eat while I am driving and inhale the whole large container of potatoes & a chicken quesadilla, then 3 of the donut things, I was full Long before I stopped eAting, but just didn't stop! Now I am laying in bed, my stomach hurts I am bloated and so angry at myself for eating so much stuff and it wasn't even that great. I know tomorrow is a new day , but right now I am miserable and I did it to myself, and why? Because I didn't plan ahead, I made multiple bad choices, one eating out to begin with and second ordering w y more food than I needed! I know don't be so hard on yourself but it is so frustrating.
Mercedes136 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 02:26 AM   #2  
[url=http://www.TickerFac
 
LuLu22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 28

S/C/G: 213/211/150

Height: 5'2"

Default

I definitely feel you. I always make up excuses for myself as to why I need fast food or to eat late. Then after I get the crappiest item on the menu, I feel so bad about myself for eating it when I know I am supposed to eat better. Sometimes I don't even make excuses. I just kinda run my healthy eating for the day and I say screw it. Then I look on facebook or see a picture of myself and I remember how much I don't like how I look and how badly I want to change and the whole cycle starts over again. It's always tomorrow is a new day. And maybe, just maybe I can change it. I think you can too. We will overcome this.
LuLu22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 07:48 AM   #3  
Senior Member
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mercedes136 View Post
So I joined back in April was kind if on track for a while and been on and off again all summer. After a recent issue of me barely able to fit into my airplane seat to fly to the Caribbean for vacation with my family ;( I once again told myself, ok back on track so I have been on 3FC a lot in the last few days which helps me feel better and not so defeated. So again I am "making the healthy choices" for past 2 dAys thinking ok just one day at a time. Then tonight I got off work late my daughter had gymnastics, so it was late when she was done, I didn't plan ahead and pack myself a snack, I really didn't want to try to find something to cook At home so I let my 7 year old pick where we would eat telling myself well if she picks someplace and I eat bad choices that is where she picked and we had to go there, like I can't tell her no or get the healthy options. So, we went to taco johns where I find myself ordering the value meal and Large potatoe oles "tator tots fried in greese"! Then I get a desert of mini Mexican donuts! WHat the heck! Then I eat while I am driving and inhale the whole large container of potatoes & a chicken quesadilla, then 3 of the donut things, I was full Long before I stopped eAting, but just didn't stop! Now I am laying in bed, my stomach hurts I am bloated and so angry at myself for eating so much stuff and it wasn't even that great. I know tomorrow is a new day , but right now I am miserable and I did it to myself, and why? Because I didn't plan ahead, I made multiple bad choices, one eating out to begin with and second ordering w y more food than I needed! I know don't be so hard on yourself but it is so frustrating.
You've had a pretty big rant on yourself, do you feel better now? I'm guessing not. If your daughter did this would you speak to her in this way? Would you speak to anyone like this? Do you like kicking yourself when you're down? Because that's what I see here, you're putting a lot of responsibility on yourself for making "bad" choices rather than asking yourself why you are making these choices when you obviously don't want to. Your'e eating eventhough you're full, you're ordering too much food, you're using your daughter as an excuse to eat poorly, you are miserable lying in bed and blaming yourself because you didn't "plan a healthy snack in advance." Ok let's say that you are at fault, what good does it do to come down on yourself like this?

Let me ask you. Do you find yourself often diving into making healthy choices only to get derailed very soon after? Do you find yourself binging like this every time you go on a diet? If so you may be suffering like soooooo many of us who are extremely sensitive to restriction. I did exactly this too. Everytime I made a choice to be healthy I'd find myself diving head first into a bucket of fried chicken and I had no idea why so I blamed myself and hated myself just like you do. It doesn't have to be this way though. All that guilt is holding you back, it's almost forcing you to eat more than you should.

You can be healthy without having to give up any of your favorite foods. You already know you're eating past fullness so that's a great start and good insight! There's a reason why we overeat this way, it serves a purpose as bad as it feels it also feels really good. If you're interested in becoming a normal eater rather than a perpetual failed dieter I suggest reading The Overfed Head and other books on IE. I relate very much to your post and it does not have to be this way. The food might be doing some damage to your health but the guilt and degrading self abuse is even more harmful.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 10:10 AM   #4  
Junior Member
Thread Starter
 
Mercedes136's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 23

S/C/G: 260/261/180

Height: 64 inches

Default

Thank you wannabe, yes I know I am way to hard on myself and I have been working on this with my therapist ;( i usually have her to help keep myself accountable and not so hard on myself but I have had to cancel our last 2 sessions as my 5 yr old son broke his leg so I've been off work and not able to get to my sessions. I read a book on IE a while back and I could totally relate. I will look into the one you suggested. It is so easy to fall back into the same habits of "I need to diet" which in my case makes things so much worse since I feel restricted and go all crazy
Mercedes136 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 11:05 AM   #5  
Lifelong Alaskan!
 
alaskanlaughter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Posts: 2,669

S/C/G: 230/180/150

Height: 5'5"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
You've had a pretty big rant on yourself, do you feel better now? I'm guessing not. If your daughter did this would you speak to her in this way? Would you speak to anyone like this? Do you like kicking yourself when you're down? Because that's what I see here, you're putting a lot of responsibility on yourself for making "bad" choices rather than asking yourself why you are making these choices when you obviously don't want to. Your'e eating eventhough you're full, you're ordering too much food, you're using your daughter as an excuse to eat poorly, you are miserable lying in bed and blaming yourself because you didn't "plan a healthy snack in advance." Ok let's say that you are at fault, what good does it do to come down on yourself like this?

Let me ask you. Do you find yourself often diving into making healthy choices only to get derailed very soon after? Do you find yourself binging like this every time you go on a diet? If so you may be suffering like soooooo many of us who are extremely sensitive to restriction. I did exactly this too. Everytime I made a choice to be healthy I'd find myself diving head first into a bucket of fried chicken and I had no idea why so I blamed myself and hated myself just like you do. It doesn't have to be this way though. All that guilt is holding you back, it's almost forcing you to eat more than you should.

You can be healthy without having to give up any of your favorite foods. You already know you're eating past fullness so that's a great start and good insight! There's a reason why we overeat this way, it serves a purpose as bad as it feels it also feels really good. If you're interested in becoming a normal eater rather than a perpetual failed dieter I suggest reading The Overfed Head and other books on IE. I relate very much to your post and it does not have to be this way. The food might be doing some damage to your health but the guilt and degrading self abuse is even more harmful.
This sentence stood out for me, although it may not apply to the OP. I DO make bad choices, and I think it's okay for me to admit that. To me, choosing to overeat something unhealthy to the point of sickness IS A BAD CHOICE, and it's okay to admit that to myself. And I don't go on to hate myself for it either. A stern talking-to is sometimes needed, from me to myself.

On the other hand, the part about doing it "when you don't want to" is different for me. When I start eating something unhealthy (almost always sweets), it's because I darn well WANT to eat it Either because it's in front of me, or I'm starving past reason, or it was offered and I feel rude turning it down. I'm impulsive also and that makes consistent healthy choices a struggle. And once I start eating sweets because I WANT TO, it's also then very very hard to stop eating it.

Just my thoughts....
alaskanlaughter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 11:17 AM   #6  
Junior Member
 
Athy Baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Calgary, AB
Posts: 6

S/C/G: 284.1/270/165

Height: 5'10

Default

Wow. This thread is very inspiring.

Mercedes, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Sounds like you really could benefit from your counseling. I think I might enlist some myself because I know I've gone through similar situations in the past where I also do this weird blame-cirlcle and sabotage what I'm doing. I really don't want to put myself through that again.

Wannabeskinny, thank you so much for the proverbial kick-in-the-head, and the recommendations. I love the quote in your sig.
Athy Baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 01:46 PM   #7  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 443

S/C/G: SW194/CW144/GW140

Height: 5.10

Default

I'm going to approach this a different way. I have 3 very active kids, i'm driving someone to some event always after school. You have to make an effort to plan the meals -for yourself and your kids. I fell in the trap of doing the fast food because it was easier but not better.

Think of it also. Are you really helping your daughter with gymnastics and letting her pick her fast food? She did all this wonderful training and didn't get the proper nutrients for her body. I have a high level gymnast at home that practices 5 days a week. It takes a lot of energy to do this sport., for her sake get her the food to help her excel. It will be good for her and you and the rest of your family.
hiddenstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 01:58 PM   #8  
Senior Member
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskanlaughter View Post
This sentence stood out for me, although it may not apply to the OP. I DO make bad choices, and I think it's okay for me to admit that. To me, choosing to overeat something unhealthy to the point of sickness IS A BAD CHOICE, and it's okay to admit that to myself. And I don't go on to hate myself for it either. A stern talking-to is sometimes needed, from me to myself.

On the other hand, the part about doing it "when you don't want to" is different for me. When I start eating something unhealthy (almost always sweets), it's because I darn well WANT to eat it Either because it's in front of me, or I'm starving past reason, or it was offered and I feel rude turning it down. I'm impulsive also and that makes consistent healthy choices a struggle. And once I start eating sweets because I WANT TO, it's also then very very hard to stop eating it.

Just my thoughts....
A bad choice is different than a bad food. A bad choice might just be the wrong choice. If someone is eating past fullness for example, even if you're eating carrot sticks with low fat cottage cheese it's still a bad choice and considered over eating. Choosing to eat is not a bad choice. Choosing to eat more than you really need is a bad choice.

Regarding eating when you don't want to - not sure if you can relate but someone who's binge eating doesn't really want to be eating at all. It's more of an impulsive act stemming from distress/fear/anxiety/frustration/anger. When one binges there is a sense of shame, guilt, anger towards oneself, lots of self blame. You also tend to eat a lot when binging because hunger plays no role and therefore cannot ever get enough food. There are lots of informative stuff on youtube if you search out physical hunger vs. emotional hunger.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 02:01 PM   #9  
Senior Member
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mercedes136 View Post
Thank you wannabe, yes I know I am way to hard on myself and I have been working on this with my therapist ;( i usually have her to help keep myself accountable and not so hard on myself but I have had to cancel our last 2 sessions as my 5 yr old son broke his leg so I've been off work and not able to get to my sessions. I read a book on IE a while back and I could totally relate. I will look into the one you suggested. It is so easy to fall back into the same habits of "I need to diet" which in my case makes things so much worse since I feel restricted and go all crazy
That's great to hear that you have a therapist. "Accountability" is a word that scares me a lot, I associate it with my dieting days. I really hated being accountable for every step, every calorie, every pound, every mile I logged, every inch I gained etc. So I'm not sure what kind of accountability you mean but in my experience accountability leads to a lot of stress and feeling pressure.

I used to visit therapists and then finally decided to see a nutritional therapist that understands and promotes IE. I don't think I could have gotten past my dysfunctional eating without her.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 05:06 PM   #10  
Senior Member
 
freelancemomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 2,213

S/C/G: 195/145/145

Height: 5'11"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
someone who's binge eating doesn't really want to be eating at all.
Weeeelll... you can't generalize about anything, including binges. I can honestly say that I've enjoyed every one of my binges, and some of them have been epic. I mean, who in their right mind eats 4,000 calories of pure carbs and fat in a 30-minute sitting? I've done it many times.

I think it's become politically correct to state that binging is not pleasurable in order to support the notion of food addiction (i.e., "I'm not getting any pleasure out of this, it's just my addiction that's making me do it").

For me, binging has always been a source of pleasure. A little uncomfortable to admit, but the truth.

F.
freelancemomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 06:44 PM   #11  
Senior Member
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

I guess it depends on how you define a binge. For me a binge is something that i do for the purpose of pleasure. But I end up feeling miserable, ashamed, angry, and physically very very uncomfortable. I don't think if it as an addiction. It's a compulsive behavior, well intended at best and self abuse at worst.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 10:21 PM   #12  
Junior Member
Thread Starter
 
Mercedes136's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 23

S/C/G: 260/261/180

Height: 64 inches

Default

For me the "accountability" I refer to isn't really accountability I guess, it's more of awareness. She reminds me like you have not to be so hard on myself and look more closely at why I ate what I did. As I look back today at my choices I know I was overtired and my body wanted sleep not a ton of food. Today I was again tired (I have a 5 yr old who broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been waking up at night so I am up with him, me & my husband take turns) anyway after posting yesterday I was more aware that the reason I was looking to food was really due to being tired not hungry, so I was able to only eat when it was true hunger I felt and make better choices. I had more dt pop than usual to try and help me wake up a little, which isn't great but better than eating when not even hungry. Tonight even if there are a ton of things to do around the house I know I need to go to sleep as soon as my son does so when he wakes up I at least am getting. Little more sleep.
Mercedes136 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2014, 08:42 AM   #13  
Senior Member
 
Palestrina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,607

S/C/G: 215/188/150

Height: 5'4"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mercedes136 View Post
For me the "accountability" I refer to isn't really accountability I guess, it's more of awareness. She reminds me like you have not to be so hard on myself and look more closely at why I ate what I did. As I look back today at my choices I know I was overtired and my body wanted sleep not a ton of food. Today I was again tired (I have a 5 yr old who broke his leg 2 weeks ago and has been waking up at night so I am up with him, me & my husband take turns) anyway after posting yesterday I was more aware that the reason I was looking to food was really due to being tired not hungry, so I was able to only eat when it was true hunger I felt and make better choices. I had more dt pop than usual to try and help me wake up a little, which isn't great but better than eating when not even hungry. Tonight even if there are a ton of things to do around the house I know I need to go to sleep as soon as my son does so when he wakes up I at least am getting. Little more sleep.
That's an amazing realization, good for you! I'm sorry to hear about your son's broken leg. Kids! I just moved mine into a toddler bed and it's been a nightmare! Up all night crying, needing to be tucked in every half hour, scared of the dark, getting out of his bed and crawling into mine. I feel like a zombie and I'm reaching for carby things - I always reach for carby stuff when I'm exhausted!

Join our thread http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/gene...er-2014-a.html We have ongoing conversations about identifying our emotional needs and finding ways to meet them without food.
Palestrina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2014, 11:26 AM   #14  
Senior Member
 
Streudel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 804

S/C/G: 255/see ticker/145

Height: 5'4

Default

Not sure I can really add anything here, especially since you said you know it's not OK to beat yourself up, but I just wanted to say you're still a wonderful, valuable human being, as we all are, and no amount of falling short of your own expectations will change that.

We can intellectually know there's no point in beating ourselves up, but we sometimes do anyway because we feel we should and it's a habit. If you keep doing what you're doing, enlisting the help of others ( 3FC, your therapist ) to challenge those negative, self abusive thoughts, you'll get to a healthier place mentally and physically.

Hang in there!
Streudel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2014, 11:51 AM   #15  
Diane
 
Slashnl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 5,467

S/C/G: 294/258.0/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

I just want to add that although you didn't plan ahead to bring snacks/food, there is one other thing you can do to "plan ahead" for times like this. Take the time to research the restaurants you go to and find the lowest calorie/best choice food for that restaurant. I don't go to Taco John's, but I know that in general, maybe 2 crispy tacos would be a good choice. My point is that I have some fairly standard items that I get when we do go out to different restaurants. Is it always exciting? No. But making my goal will be exciting, so to me it is worth the "sacrifice". Also, you probably didn't have a lot of time, and you also probably know this, but even at fast food restaurants, I think it helps to not eat in your car.

Just some thoughts. Also, keep in mind, it is one day. You have a clean slate each day to do things right. Don't let it stop you from moving forward!!
Slashnl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:05 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.