Southernmaven it's interesting that you say that about pregnancy. When I fell pregnant my eating habits changed drastically. I finally understood how normal people ate. I was eating reasonable portions, wasn't hungry every minute of the day, was craving very fresh foods like salads and avocados daily, and I didn't deny myself anything. I never overindulged and didn't think about food 24/7. I was so normal. I miss it terribly. But my eating disorder came back quickly after giving birth.

We're all good.

I have to realize that on the internet not everyone can hear the voices in my head. My "noooooope" probably DID come across as testy or maybe even jerky, when really I am doing the Lana voice from the series Archer (any Archer fans? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?). But the only person who knows that is me.

I'm often too goofy for my own good.

I LOVE Archer. Such a good series.

I've never seen Archer. May have to check it out!

Sorry for the confusion. Perhaps I haven't had my coffee quota today.

Oh gosh, now I feel I must warn you that Archer is very, very, very rude; and very, very, very, very crude; and super filthy; and rude; and really, really crude. And did I mention rude? Definitely not everyone's cup of tea.

Of course, I love it.

But I don't want you to sit down with your dear, sweet gandmother (or a child) and flip it on unawares, lol.

You and me both, sister.

Also, sorry for all the Off-Topic, Wannabeskinny!

I loved never having to worry about what I ate - I was overweight when I became pregnant and had been on the diet roller-coaster for about 10 years prior to that. Being sick for the first five months caused me to lose a lot of weight initially, but even if I hadn't I suspect I would have thrown caution to the wind anyway. (and who knows WHAT I would have weighed!) As it was I felt free to eat as much as I wanted and whatever I wanted. It was quite liberating, I must admit.

I am so sorry you have such a struggle with your eating disorder. I've followed you on the forums for the better part of a year and I have great sympathy as well as admiration for you. You have a lot of tenacity!

I love Archer. can totally hear the Lana voice.

One thing that I am grateful for on this journey is that I've learned enough to know that if and when I'm lucky enough to be pregnant, I am armed with the knowledge that it won't be healthy for either me or my child if I turn it into an eating free for all.

Thanks, I should have mentioned that when I gave birth I weighed 10lbs less than when I fell pregnant. Such a happy time, I was at 179 when I gave birth. Wow, I've gained 20lbs since having a baby. So sad.

ha! no, I promise its way more awful than it sounds.
Once I have the binge or even just overeating urge, all foods can be highly dangerous unless its like "fiber pills" or something gross if eaten in high quantities lol like GG Bran Crackers.

Yes, once I thought about that I realized it probably isn't a good way to be - you can overeat on almost anything, not just Zapps Hotter 'n Hot Jalapeno Potato Chips (my personal kryptonite food).

I totally get that.
When I lived alone, I would keep almost no "dangerous" foods on hand. The only things I had were fresh and frozen vegetables and sugar free condiments. This led to binging but no weight gain. I didn't care about the calories because they were such negligible foods (especially because I tended to eat as little as possible otherwise), but the act of eating in that kind of quick, depressive state was so scary to me that I started OA. When I ate 12 egg whites or when I ate a baked sliced onion, I knew it was really bad.
Now, I have my off days, but I certainly don't binge that way anymore. I had a healthy catering business about ten years ago and ever since, I've embraced foods instead of trying to hard to battle my love for them. It was a really tough journey.

Wow a baked half onion and egg whites. I'm sad just thinking about it.

I followed a no oil vegan diet of whole foods to prevent binges which of course only led to more binges. At one point I was eating plain baked potatoes, brown rice, mushrooms, and green vegetables for every meal. No condiments and only water to wash it down. I could eat that way for weeks but I felt terrible and I obsessed about eating forbidden foods. I, too, have eaten a baked onion (plain) as part of a plan. I didn't binge on it, but I ate it because I was afraid that to eat anything with sugar, or anything processed would send me into a binge.

So now I am incorporating small amounts of processed foods as treats a few times a week. I'm not a carb addict- I am a bulimic. I can go for weeks and months without sugars, added fats, and processed foods. The problem is that when I restrict myself I start a cycle that will eventually lead to a binge. I have been easily eating dieting "no-no" foods in small, infrequent quantities. I feel much more sane and I feel that I can do this for the long term, too.

I knew that I would be okay the day that I ate half a donut from a full box at work. I savored that treat. Each bite was delicious. Then I dusted off my hands, left the room, and got a glass of water. I didn't obsess over the rest of them in there, I just enjoyed my treat then continued on with my work.

It was so sad. I could sit there and eat for hours and hours and I was just stuffed. In one binge session I could eat a box of frozen brussels sprouts, one or two huge bowls of steamed broccoli, a portobello mushroom, two cucumbers, and more. If that's all you're eating in a day, which was the case since I lived off of coffee other than my binges, you really won't gain any weight at all.

The behavior was so crazy that it really scared me into OA and eventually therapy when I was pregnant. I was really terrified of being pregnant because it would mean that my unhealthy eating habits would be transferred to an entire other being inside of me.

I wish I could say it was "fixed" but although I keep my foods super healthy and often eat at a very low calorie count, I'm not afraid of foods anymore.

I couldn't do a whole IE way of life, but I do notice that there are times when I creave fresh fruit and veggies, as opposed to times when I crave cookies or pizza. I guess on some level my body is telling me what it needs and I am paying attention.

When I was pregnant with my first, I ate whatever I wanted and didn't really care about weight gain. I ate good, healthy things like cucumbers and tomatoes, fresh fruit, greek yogurt, oatmeal, and I ate unhealthy things like onion rings, milkshakes, and candy. I guess it was IE, beacuse I put no limits on myself and ate when hungry. I gained over 60 lbs. It was a b* to lose, and when I get pregnant with no. 2, I still indulged in the occasional side of fries or ice cream cone, but I had to watch myself so much more and not give in any time I wanted a treat. I still gained 45 lbs with that pregnancy, but that was better than 60+, and I started theat pregnancy 10 lbs under my starting weight with no. 1.