Someone on a different thread mentioned a book that describes a straightforward method to stop binge eating called "Brain over Binge" by kathryn Hansen. I recall the poster wrote "It really works". I'm in the midst of reading it & it sounds promising.
kaplods: I completely agree with you, if I could get him to be grain free for two weeks everything would be so much different. I like Paleo but not sure how will that work for the kids, all they eat is dairy, whole grains, some veggies and lots of fruits (I know!!! Not the best but trying...) I thinking he might have a severe carb addiction and that's why even a simple piece of bread will send him into a binge.
People who've never experienced true carb addiction or dependence have no idea how difficult it is to "just suck it up" in a carb-filled environment.
It really is like expecting an alcoholic or drug addict to stay clean while everyone else in the house continues to drink and use.
It takes superhuman willpower to hold out even for a short time, just to inevitably fail anyway.
And unlike other comparable addictions, there are no detox or treatment programs, and unless you're living alone you're expected to suffer through detox with your problem substance all around you. You're even expected to sit at the table and watch your loved ones enjoying the substances you can't control.
Imagine how difficult alcohol recovery would be, if you had to not only have booze in the house for your family members who still indulged, but also had to have dinner every night with the family while they all had the adult beverage of their choice.
It may sound humiliating and extreme, but while hubby detoxes, it would be a blessing if you could find a way to allow him to avoid any contact with this trigger foods - even if that means that his food and eating area is in a different part of the house, or if some foods are kept under lock and key. Or if his trigger foods are bought in very small, daily quantities and kept in a bag you carry or in a locked box in the cabinet or fridge.
I've recently been considering doing something similar for myself. I literally would jump at the opportunity to be caged (let alone hospitalized) for a month or more of carb detox, my carb addiction is so severe (especially during TOM, and pretty much all month as I get closer to menopause).
Inpatient or even outpatient treatment for food addiction is almost never covered by insurance, and even if you have insurance that will pay or can somehow afford to self-pay, treatment options are still difficult to find, and waiting lists are often a year or more long.
In the USA, something like 50-65% of is are overweight or obese and 35-40% are obese, and still treatment options are few and even fewer affordable.
I can't imagine what our country would be like if alcohol and drug addiction treatment had not been made available until 2/3 of the population suffered from it - if instead, we just told substance abusers to "just suck it up and use some willpower."
For food addiction, there is no step between self-fix and wls (wls being the only insurance covered option). Imagine alcoholism being treated that way. If you couldn't self-fix on your own or with AA, the next logical step (by the logic we're using for obesity treatment) would be brain surgery to remove or alter the pleasure centers from the brain, or some other surgical option for correcting alcoholism.
With weight issues, we expect everyone to "suck it up," but if it were that easy, 2/3 of us wouldn't be overweight.
What I wouldn't give to be able to check into a carb rehab or halfway house. Too bad there's no such thing.
While I understand wanting to help your spouse, your kitchen is not the only place in the world with food temptations.
What's about the vending machine at work, fast food joints, quick trips?
Food is everywhere, and just because it's not there to binge on in the middle of the night, does not mean he won't do it when out of your sight.
But, I don't really think this is about the food.
Anyway, in the interest of helping him out, what about having things like grapes, or baby carrots on and hand for him to eat in the night? Healthy, low cal options, that require no fixing and are a bit more time consuming to eat, as you would eat them one at a time. These would be HIS foods. The peanut butter, yogurt, cheese, NOT his foods. Would he steal some other persons lunch at work?
Another thing would be to find an alternate activity for the night time roaming. Crossword, word search, yoga, meditate, blog, if you have a tread mill or exercise bike, hop on it.
I don't feel just denying the whole family is fair on his part. He should be willing to compromise a bit and meet you somewhere near the middle, with a few food compromises in his consideration, and some behavior compromises in consideration of the family.
Please update and let us know how this goes! I'm immensely curious. I've been reading the suggestions with interest. It must be bad if he wants to ban waffles and yoghurt and the like from the house, lawd. I can't even imagine. That doesn't even seem like a doable solution, but your husband sounds desperate. Did I read somewhere it takes a month to establish a routine? The very best of luck with this I would not agree to this arrangement as presented. I would be absolutely okay with no desserts stocked in the house, or some other doable modification.
I am dieting with two elementary school-aged kids at the house. EVERY DAY I get to look at a fridge and pantry full of stuff and EVERY WEEK I get to buy a bunch of stuff at the grocery store I am not going to eat myself (although it sure looks awesome.) I definitely have eaten a different meal for dinner than I have prepared for them. I usually do, in fact. It sucked for months, but now it doesn't bother me. For me, the first two weeks was pure misery trying to not blow my diet. My low point was when I was actually crying because I wouldn't let myself eat junk food, lol, it was awful. But I got through it. My life as Mom entails handling foods and snacks for others, and they are not eating exactly what I'm eating all the time. I decided to diet in the real world, if you will.
I have my own version/substitute for some "off limits" foods, whether it be a lower calorie option or something healthier that's similar. I have an informal spot in the freezer, fridge, and pantry for my special diet stuff. Our entire household has slowly but surely moved over to healthier eating and healthier options as a result of the influence of my dieting. It's been great to see our children become aware of how some food is better body fuel than others, and watch them make better choices of their own volition.
If you think your family is not ready as a whole to adopt an eating approach that would suit your hubby, then I think the other suggestions that have already been made are good ones. I know in my family that my extremely thin and fit daughter would not be interested in restricting her food choices (her meals are generally whole-grains/fruit/veg/good-protein, but she also eats non-nutritious treats).
While I do keep a few foods out of the house (literally one or two that are special triggers for me that no one else really wants), most of my approach is to consider foods I keep in the house for others as belonging to them. I do not eat my daughter's snacks because they belong to her.
To make that easier for me, I keep her snacks in a separate pantry area where I only see them when I am grabbing one for her. It's pretty much the same in the fridge/freezer where I keep a few problem foods out of routine sight. I find that sight is very important, so a separate shelf in the fridge might not be helpful enough. A drawer or other way of blocking the view might be more useful. I sometimes keep them inside a plastic grocery bag inside the fridge. If I have to keep a tub of cookies or a pie on my counter (for space reasons), I cover them with a towel. It's dumb, but it works for me. I don't even want to see an opaque container that I associate with those foods.
So, if your family is not all on the same food wave-length, maybe you could ask your hubby if he thinks this approach will work. If not suggest a higher level of security (locked separate fridge). At that point he might think that is overboard and may be willing to try the "it's not mine/out of sight" approach.
ETA: TooWicky says, "I have my own version/substitute for some "off limits" foods, whether it be a lower calorie option or something healthier that's similar." I didn't really think if it that way, but my D has ice cream w/choc sauce many nights, and I keep a supply of SF fudgesicles on hand. It does help avoid treat envy! Also, I don't mean to come across as if I haven't had to struggle with all this. There have been several periods of frustration and tears along the way (I've had weight issues since I was a kid and I am no spring chicken), but I have found ways to make restrictions more tolerable.
Some great posts. I think it was especially accurate to say even if you did everything he asked there are temptations everywhere. Home environment is huge. But what about all the drive thrus? Lunches at work?
He might need a 'motivation intervention'. Maybe needs to be 'scared straight'. I watched videos on the health effects of obesity, not pretty. Are there elder family members suffering? Point those out. There are also of course a million positives about getting healthy. It isn't just about avoiding the bad. I am not at ultimate goal now, it is below 200 somewhere. But my quality of life is unbelievably better.
It sounds like he wants it which is huge. But then you said he won't detox so to speak. It was hard but THE BEST thing I ever did. I am free now. It can work. If it means your daughters can't have some things at home during the detox in particular but get a transformed dad? Worth it.
But don't even attempt a detox unless his motivation is sky high.
Your husband is trying to make your responsible for his behaviors. It is not the world's (or our spouses') jobs to remove all triggers. It is our job to build the tools to deal with them. And honestly, staples like dairy products and bread are not "triggers." They are food.
I would suggest that you will be happy to make sure there are no sugary treats in the house and in turn talk with him about the actions *he* is going to take to help himself - seeing a nutritionist, talking to a professional therapist with experience in eating disorders (yes, if you are being triggered by foods to the extent that you are trying to rid the house of foods that your children need to eat that is a disorder), making a plan for when he feels like he wants to eat those things (is he planning on never carrying money with him or stepping foot in a grocery store?)
You don't need to tell him to suck it up, but you do need to have a conversation about what his plan is for himself, and then you can add in small things that you can do. But the first steps need to be his.
I agree completely with seagirl. I'd be willing to say that your hubby is not really ready for change. Why do I say that? Because he think that the problem is external from him, that it is someone else's fault that he's over eating foods, and that he's willing to deprive his children from food in order to gain control of his actions. Something is UP here, these are not normal well thought-out requests. I don't blame you for wanting to help him, but might you be enabling him by wanting to go along with these absurd requests?
From the small bit of information you've given us I'm willing to bet he feels extreme stress from his job. He may have anxiety disorder, a sleep disorder perhaps and finding release in eating. Normal normal normal. But taking away food would be like putting a bandaid on a much bigger problem. I don't think it's as simple as ridding him of a carb addiction honestly, that's a very small component of this. He needs to take up a physical activity that will help him release energy, tackle his stress, and help him sleep better. You can't eat if you're sleeping. Secondly, he needs to be proactive of the foods that he needs to eat, buy them himself, prepare them himself, and be responsible for what goes into his own mouth. You can help of course by making healthy balanced meals, but I don't think you can do much more than that. Putting a padlock on a refrigerator is pretty drastic and unrealistic don't you think? What's the next step, sewing his mouth shut so he can't eat? These measures will cause more harm than good and not bring about any results to the underlying factors. He definitely needs some professional help - that's not a bad thing by the way, I've saught professional help when I've felt out of control.
In a perfect world that would be ideal, but some people do really need help. He tried, I cook for him healthy, but when he is up at night, stressing over work he will grab whatever is in there. If the stuff is not there he won't eat it...
This is the root of his problem. Encourage him to seek another job. His weight, sleep, and overall health will improve. Believe me when I say that work stress can ruin someone's health physically and mentally. It's not worth it.
"From the small bit of information you've given us I'm willing to bet he feels extreme stress from his job. He may have anxiety disorder, a sleep disorder perhaps and finding release in eating. "
Wow wannabeskinny, even when I didnt disclose this information on my OP, this is exactly what is going on!
He was DX with anxiety 2 yrs ago and it took a toll on him. When he gets it, he says food helps him. He used to play basketball everyday - unfortunately, that's not the case anymore.
Thanks again to everybody that took the time to reply. I will get a little bit from each of you.
He will NOT eat fast food if he is eating healthy at home - he has that going for him.
So what I will do for the next two weeks (at least) is to go grocery shopping everyday and buy singles for the kids (yugurt, milk, cheese sticks) - I will keep the school snacks and bread in a separate part of the pantry (hidden)
I will keep boiled eggs, cut meats and veggies in the fridge.
I'm going with very low carb to get the cravings away (that worked for me) and go from there... He ate on plan during the weekend, so hopefully we can keep it up!
I would not agree to this arrangement as presented. I would be absolutely okay with no desserts stocked in the house, or some other doable modification.
