In theory, this sounds great, but in practice where exactly do you draw the line? How many pounds before it becomes enough of a health and safety issue to address? When does overeating or disordered eating become an eating disorder.

My husband and I both have very wide standards for attractiveness. Wider than anyone else I know. There's at least a 250 lb range between the lowest and highest weight we would want for each other, but the limits are still there.

When we started this journey of weight loss, my weight was impacting on our relationship, because I was so disabled by my size that my husband had the burden of working to support us, and taking care of me and all the house chores. The burden no doubt hastened the progression of his joint disease, disabling him quicker than if he had not had to care for me.

We both had and have disordered eating, and lifestyle adjustments we need to be able to make. And there is physical attraction in the mix. Any drastic change in appearance and physical ability can affect physical attraction. I wouldn't want my husband to gain 300 lbs even if it wouldn't impact his health. Just as I wouldn't want him to get extensive tattoos on his face, shave off his eyebrows, or dye his hair purple.

Maybe it shouldn't matter what he does to his body, but it does. Just as it matters to him what modifications I might make.

Physical attractiveness does play a role in relationship, and in a healthy relationship you need to be able to discuss your preferences and comfort zone.

Wow. I exactly agree with Kaplods on this. I almost started to feel like a 'freak' on this board because weight does matter to me with attractiveness. It just does. It as real as gravity or needing water to survive.

Too thin or too overweight just are not attractive to me. My wife is losing weight and yes I am finding her more attractive. I find her attractive now but I would be lying if I wasn't finding her more attractive. Of course she is also getting more fit, and getting more energy, and it is helping all of those. I can't tease out one thing from the mix.

But yes weight matters for attractiveness. No use denying it. At least it does to me and if we are being honest it does for most, not all, but most people.

Yeah, I understand that even if it should not be looked at (and its not that important) the reality is what it is and I'll just have to face that fact. He's been at the gym so I'm assuming he'll build some muscle too and put on a few lbs (he's 132 now). I'm a work in progress with ROTC military training so if I don't get in the best shape from that than nothing will. I am also at a different university now and won't see him until next summer (maybe Christmas if I'm lucky). Either way, I should be around 145 then, 10ish lb difference max. I'll be able to see him after all this time and be like...BAM! Its gonna feel good. :D Thanks again guys.

I agree with those who say that weight/size usually factors into whether or not we find others attractive. I don't like weighing more than guys. I'm not even medically overweight, but I do know some guys who weigh the same or less than I do, and I just feel so big and gross around them. Luckily, my husband outweighs me by a good 40+ lbs.

I also don't like when I'm taller than a man. I don't think I have any men in my acquaintance who are shorter than I am (I'm 5'4) but I don't think I could ever date one who was.

It's shallow, but there it is.

Hm, interesting. I wouldn't say I'm quite to that extreme. I wouldn't have a problem dating someone slightly shorter than me. But I guess if they were like 5'4 or something as a guy I might find it slightly awkward at first...but I'd get used to it. Plus at 5'8.5 imagine how much more difficult it would be to date if you did have that rule. Its just as tough being the exact same height because that makes things even more comparative even if no one verbally says anything (we're like an inch apart) so its hard to draw a fair distinctive line. That's why my goal is to get rid of it altogether. Sad or not, the reality is that the physical will always matter to both genders. That said, it is even more true that personality will always matter more so just go with that. above all else. :yes:

I don't tell my DH the actual number of my weight. I'm tall, and he's still under the illusion I'm closer to 150 than 200! If he found out the truth, that in less than 20 pounds I would "catch up with him", I am afraid that he would be Psychologically Less Attracted.