I've had "long term success" for a while now. I only weighed 230 lbs, and with the exception of about 20lbs, have manged to keep it off for over 3 years.
You might say following my own advice worked well for me. But haters gonna hate!
I've had "long term success" for a while now. I only weighed 230 lbs, and with the exception of about 20lbs, have manged to keep it off for over 3 years.
You might say following my own advice worked well for me. But haters gonna hate!
I hope you didn't think I was being a hater. But for me I just can't give up my friends because they don't cater to me. I certainly don't cater to my vegan friends completely. I mean I always pick a restaurant where there are vegan options but I pretty much won't go to a purely vegan restaurant because there is nothing there to eat for my higher protein diet and I try to avoid bread.
It's a compromise and sometimes I do eat things that don't go along with my diet but I do follow the 90/10 rule. Meaning I understand that about 10% of the time following my diet will be impossible because of outside factors. I don't freak out about it, I just eat what's a available and don't use it as an excuse to fall off the wagon completely.
Honestly, I just politely decline and move on. If they are hurt about it, that is their problem. It's not rude to say "No thank you" or "I'm just craving this salad".. or even "I'm watching what I'm eating". When most people hear that, they move on, start a new conversation topic and carry on with the evening.
Honestly, I just politely decline and move on. If they are hurt about it, that is their problem. It's not rude to say "No thank you" or "I'm just craving this salad".. or even "I'm watching what I'm eating". When most people hear that, they move on, start a new conversation topic and carry on with the evening.
Agreed. In my experience, a lot of this getting more healthy stuff is taking responsibility for yourself and keeping yourself on track - whatever that means to you. So if your friends invite you to a fatty 'wurst' dinner, and they know that you don't eat that way, or constantly ignore your needs, then decline the invitation. Or say you'll drop by after dinner for coffee, or whatever.
This is serious, your wanting to get more healthy. And every time you make the right decision for yourself you get one step closer to reaching your goal. And yes, see if you can get into some circles where the people have more healthful habits, because with the friends you describe you'll get no support.
If you are going to a restaurant and your friends will be choosing the site, ask in advance what the restaurant will be. Then go online and check their menu, so you know what you will be ordering in advance. Maybe they'll have nutrition information. Or go on Yelp and Urbanspoon and check for photos--that'll give you an idea of what the portion size is.
If they ask why you want to know, just say that your doctor is telling you that you have to cut sale intake or you want to know what would be appropriate attire.
NEVER say you're on a diet. It's such a downer.
Last edited by memememe76; 03-31-2013 at 09:01 PM.
Although I'm not disputing the navigating and negotiating we sometimes have to do in order to stick to our diets/health plans, etc.,
a lot of this sounds like being concerned about what will happen if we flat out say that we don't want to eat salt/sugar/fat any more. It's like we (and I include myself here, at times) have to 'hide' behind doctor's orders or some other external excuse, for fear of not being accepted by our 'friends'.
Kinda sounds like what kids go through dealing with peer pressure.
I mean, if you want to eat something off-plan, then eat it because you want it. But if you don't want it, then own not wanting it.
Kinda sounds like what kids go through dealing with peer pressure.
I mean, if you want to eat something off-plan, then eat it because you want it. But if you don't want it, then own not wanting it.
Depends on where I am in my plan. Sometimes, that's easier said than done. One of the things I've learned from The Thin Commandments is that it's not just a matter of calories; it's also a matter of my history with a food.
When I'm in the "sweet spot" of low-carb, and fairly protected from cravings and hunger, I might be able to "eat it because I want it." But if "it" is something that I have a history of binging on (like warm bread in a bread basket, or cheese dip and crackers), then I need to pass even if I want it.
I have to look at my history with a food. If it's something I have successfully eaten "only a little bit" of in the past, then I may eat some even if it's not strictly on-plan. If I have a history with it, though, I have to limit it in some way (eat it only at restaurants, or once a year at holidays), or avoid it altogether.
For instance, Easter baskets... I bought candy I don't particularly like (cookies and cream eggs, Peeps) for the most part. But I planned to have some jelly beans and a chocolate peanut butter egg. I still haven't had any, though, because my "bargain" with myself is to eat only 15 grams of carbs from candy a day, and it can't make my carbs go over my daily limit (50). So I'll be able to eat my candy, but only by making other sacrifices in my calories/carb choices to fit them in.
And I made sure NOT to buy the malted milk eggs or coconut cream eggs, which I used to sit and eat by the bagful. They are an invitation to disaster!
So getting back to peer pressure... It can be fairly easy to "just say no" when you have a plan in place that deals with the specific foods that are being pushed. And a simple "No, thanks" should be enough.
For instance, my SIL offered me a Japanese chocolate yesterday. It was a fancy chocolate, and she was proud to be able to offer them. But I looked at it, and thought about it, and realized it probably wasn't anything I hadn't had before. And I knew I was already over the top for both calories and carbs that day (it was after Easter dinner). So I smiled and said, "No, thanks". She offered again, and I declined again, and then we changed the subject. No issues, no upset, no defensiveness... just polite.
Adults take charge of their own food and food preferences. It's just a matter of practice to feel comfortable getting out of the child-like habits of eating anything that is offered so you don't offend anyone, and politely declining what is not on-plan for you.
Why not bring something you can eat? It is unacceptable to bring a side dish? Tell them you wanted to share a new recipe with them, something like that.
Maybe you could tell them you have a medical issue so you are careful of what you eat.
If it were me, I would tell them I am not hungry or that food is going to upset my stomach. I have stomach problems and can no longer just eat any old thing. I have ulcers. I had my gallbladder out & I have to be very selective on what I put in my mouth or it makes me physically ill. If I ate some deep fried greasy meat thing, I would be in horrible pain later. I am selective about what I eat. I have to lose weight if I want my heart to behave like it should. If I want to see my children have children, losing weight is NOT an option. The people who care about me know this. Nobody gives me any grief over it.
I am sure your friends want you there for your company. I am sure they want to spend time with you. I am sure they care about you. I wouldn't say it's a diet (like you are losing a few vanity pounds). I would say it is a medical issue (wanting to be healthier) and people who love you or care about you should want you to be healthy.
I am sure your friends want you there for your company. I am sure they want to spend time with you.
This exactly.
My friends and I all have different dietary needs/likes/wants, but it doesn't make a difference in the end. When we go out together, we all want to enjoy each others company and conversation. It has zero to do with what option someone else chooses at a restaurant.
Also, the more you choose what fits your plan, the less you will feel awkward about it. People always react to change. After a while, your friends will just accept it as "the way she eats" and not think twice about what you're eating.
Honestly, I just politely decline and move on. If they are hurt about it, that is their problem. It's not rude to say "No thank you" or "I'm just craving this salad".. or even "I'm watching what I'm eating". When most people hear that, they move on, start a new conversation topic and carry on with the evening.
Yes, well said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Exhale15
Although I'm not disputing the navigating and negotiating we sometimes have to do in order to stick to our diets/health plans, etc.,
a lot of this sounds like being concerned about what will happen if we flat out say that we don't want to eat salt/sugar/fat any more. It's like we (and I include myself here, at times) have to 'hide' behind doctor's orders or some other external excuse, for fear of not being accepted by our 'friends'.
Kinda sounds like what kids go through dealing with peer pressure.
I mean, if you want to eat something off-plan, then eat it because you want it. But if you don't want it, then own not wanting it.
ITA.
One of the things I struggled with towards the beginning of my weight loss, and even now, is the attention or ridicule (depending on who it is) I receive when I don't eat what people think I should eat. I think we all know we can't expect people to change for us, but it does get difficult when you feel like you're constantly in the spotlight for what you eat. It can make you feel self conscious that's for sure. I've had people I don't know well at all give me an incredibly hard time for skipping cake, or not trying their "famous" dip, or whatever. They have to get the heck over it. One friend of a friend gave me such a hard time at a party over not eating her cookies I finally said "Look, it's not a personal attack, I've struggle with obesity for years and I'm not eating those cookies. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I'm not going to eat something to make another person feel better when it'll make me feel bad".
One friend of a friend gave me such a hard time at a party over not eating her cookies I finally said "Look, it's not a personal attack, I've struggle with obesity for years and I'm not eating those cookies. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but I'm not going to eat something to make another person feel better when it'll make me feel bad".
I'm definitely not trying to be mean to my friends, but at almost 300 pounds (and I'm not tall), my doctor told me I must get my blood pressure down and must cut fatty foods until my liver returns to normal (which will take a few months). My ulcers also make me absolutely miserable when I eat crappy foods. I absolutely do not expect my friends to change in the least - they should eat what they want when they want.
I think some of you may assume I am being so strict I will never eat anything "bad." What I'm trying to avoid, rather, is eating poorly several times a week, when my health is suffering tremendously from it. I realize I cannot dictate every situation, nor do I wish to do so (and I don't expect people around me to change), I was just asking for strategies to, really, help others manage their feelings when I cannot eat the 5000 calories they place in front of me every time I see them.
Thank you to those of you who understood, and for all who gave advice!
This is when your true friends and those that care about you come out, but unfortunately so do the drama queens (nicer than haters). I have an overweight family and since I was slim my entire life, they like that I am heavy now. Just little comments and that may have been one of my big motivators. This isn't me. I'd rather be criticized for being too small. That feels much better to me. For my friends, they are only going to be excited for me. The drama queens will make comments just to stir the pot. I am very well trained at ignoring the negative. My weight loss is going to gradual just like the weight gain, but it is coming off and I'm eating real food. I just make better choices at restaurants and at events. I may have 2 shakes the next day since I can control what I consume.
Keep at it - we'll get there!
