Just love when people think they know me better than I know me
So, I’ve got this co-worker that I have been friends with going on two years now. We decided to partner up for some weight loss back in March-April 2012. We were doing pretty good until we were derailed by our respective vacations that year (OBX and Disneyland). We thought we could enjoy our vacations and get back on the wagon once we were home. Yeah, didn’t pan out as we’d hoped :P
January 2nd we jumped back on the wagon. I was doing excellent until Sunday the 6th when I introduced whole wheat bread products back into my diet (didn’t think anything of it at the time). Did not go well. Ended up splurging that night. I felt guilty, but resolved to do better on Monday.
Well Monday I had pitas for lunch and a roll when I got home. Ended up splurging again. I figured out it was the bread. I felt like a crack addict. About half an hour after I ate that roll I got crazy cravings. I couldn’t stop thinking about eating another roll or getting some candy. I felt anxious. Couldn’t concentrate on anything but food. I even stood in front of the refrigerator arguing with myself - “No don’t do it, you’re still within your calorie limit!”, “Go a head, eat it, you can make up for it later”, “Just walk away! What are you doing!”
Insanity! But lessoned learned. This stuff only seems to happen when I eat bread. So no more bread. I’m going to add it to the list of trigger foods I can’t keep in the house: bread, kashi bars, granola bars, fruit snacks, candy, junk, and crackers of any kind.
So I tell my co-worker today about what happened last night. In so many words he tells me I’m weak and that by cutting trigger foods out of my life I am giving up. I should eat them and keep them around and just learn to build up my will power. He is all about conquering temptation instead of avoiding it.
I explain that this isn’t a will power thing. If I eat anything off my trigger list (even in moderation) I then can’t stop thinking about it. I have to have more. I justify eating more. The minute I have more I feel better, the anxiety goes away, I can think again. I don’t feel guilty. I feel relieved. Then the cravings start again and the cycle is repeated. It literally feels like an addiction.
He blows me off and says again that I need to learn willpower. I should buy my trigger foods, divvy them out, and tell myself only one a day. I tell him he’s not understanding me. I’m not going to spend all day fighting insane cravings in hopes of creating will power. I’m not going to set myself up for failure by having junk in the house. I’ve tried his way in the past and it always, ALWAYS, ends the same – splurging. Needless to say he annoyed me and I’ve learned to keep my issues to myself.
Good for you for standing up for what works for you... For some people the whole "will power" method of dieting works... But I certainly wasn't one of them... and in my experience that method alway seemed to lead me to the inevitable "falling of the wagon" big time...
Now I'm not saying that it doesn't take some will power to lose weight, but if you know something is going to make that harder... Why put yourself through that?
Well here's the thing... EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. I don't get why some people can't grasp that? I have a friend who is also dieting, and she eats two sees candies every morning. It's her "treat" and she doesn't feel tempted the rest of the day. I however, can not have even one PARTICLE of wheat (cake, crackers, bread, or sugary things like candy and fruit snacks) without going CRAZY. And I mean crazy. The thing is we all are going through this differently. I am like you where I like to completely avoid those things. But I live with my parents and they buy all that junk for my brothers so I've had to learn to live with that temptation! I think you should just do whatever works for you!!!
But, one more thing. Your friend here does have some truth to what he was saying. Even when you lose all the weight are you going to avoid those foods forever? I'm guessing the answer is no (in my case it's not). The goal should be learning how to have a better relationship with food. Learn how to tell if our bodies are Hungry. Because one day your going to eat a pack of fruit snacks and you can't let it completely derail you. You can do it! But take it in small steps. Today you might not be able to be around those foods, but in my opinion the ultimate goal is the learn how to be around those things and still be successful and in control.
Sorry If this is random and doesn't make sense! But good luck!
He sounds like kind of a closed minded person to me. Would he tell a smoker trying to quit smoking they should have just 1 cig a day, or an alcoholic they need to learn self control and just stop at 2 drinks. Honestly, it's in the same realm and it just doesn't work that way for all people.
Some people DO cut certain specific foods out of their diets long term and do just fine, so long as you are getting adequate nutrition, do what works for YOU!
I agree with Lockitup. Also, its not like you are cutting out a food that people unequivocally know is good for you. If you were cutting out vegetables ... I might agree iwth him. But there is no reason you need bread in your diet.
Also, there is no reason you can't put it back in someday. He's being ridiculous. First you have to cure the "addiction" tehn you can consider putting some in in moderation. He is totally wrong and everything he is saying counteracts the science of the brain.
Some days I think the only thing I have learned about myself is that there shall be no Kashi/Granola type stuff in my life. Every time I have regained, it started with some kind of healthy "bar". I need those like an alcoholic needs a "bar". I got it. No bars of either type for me.
I share most of your triggers. I don't have as much of a problem with sweets, but the crackers, bread etc. Also, I always want a couple of tablespoons of butter on my bread or crackers.
Ideally, I should eat my trigger foods at a restaurant, or some place away from home. Can I imagine ordering a Kashi bar to go? No? Well maybe I didn't really want it that badly in the first place...
The first thing that popped into my mind was well obviously he has no will power apparently either as he's back to weight loss as well. It just sounds like you'll have to keep the personal details about HOW you're losing weight, or your challenges with it, to yourself and not share so much with him.
That's why this forum is here - so you can share them here if there's no where else to rave or rant about them.
BTW, bread, especially garlic bread, is my biggest struggle with moderation.
So I tell my co-worker today about what happened last night. In so many words he tells me I’m weak and that by cutting trigger foods out of my life I am giving up. I should eat them and keep them around and just learn to build up my will power. He is all about conquering temptation instead of avoiding it.
My boyfriend is like this! He complains when he comes to my house that I never have anything "fun" in my cupboards and I told him I can't have these things laying around the house otherwise I'll eat them. He told me that I should be able to have them in my house and just have the willpower not to eat them. I said "that doesn't work for me". and he said "well it should".
He doesn't even live there! I told him if he wants those things when he comes to my house he can buy them, bring them, and then take them home with him. But nope, he still refuses to accept what I say and keeps bugging me about willpower. Ridiculous. I just ignore him.
After all, I'm the one who has lost weight, and he's overweight and complains that he has the "physique of a seal", so what's working for who here? LOL!
I am with you 100% on this. I am actually debating having a piece of my son's birthday cake this weekend. One small piece won't wreck my diet in the slightest but I know darn well it will be awfully hard not to turn it into another piece later on, then another, etc.
Why even bother discussing it with him? You know what works for you and that's all the validation you need. You don't need some person's approval for your success (especially someone who doesn't get it).
I didn't read all the posts - it's bed time - so I apologize if someone already pointed this out.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I think there is a very distinct difference in how most men deal with many situations compared to how most women do.
I agree that it is easier to avoid the problem altogether than to cope with it. Get to where you want to be first. Deal with the life changing ability to resist temptation then.
I can relate to what you are saying. Today I was talking to my BFF and told her about my lifestyle change. I am calorie counting and eating lots of veggies to fill my belly with bulk because I am terrible with simple portion control. She started telling me that losing weight is all about portion control and went into a long story about it. I kept telling her that it doesn't work for me, finally I had to yell into the phone "Aren't you listening to me? I need to feel full, portion control does not work for me. I bulk up on veggies to fill me and keep under my alotted calories!"
Everyone is different! I wouldn't keep trigger foods around either!
Just love when people think they know me better than I know me
