All throughout high school I weighed between 250-275, and it seemed no matter what I did, I couldn't get under 250. Of course, back then I was armed with very little knowledge and a lot of misinformation about weight loss, and we had no online forums like this one to find others to relate with. I felt so very alone and struggled among friends that had no weight issues to speak of.
Then along came the phentermine craze. Not that I endorse it by any means, but going to a clinic and getting that prescription was the very first time I managed to get substantially below 250, all the way down to 220. It made me a jittery, nervous wreck though, and when a family crisis hit and I was no longer able to get the pills, the weight piled right back on.
Years later we were in the middle of the low fat craze, and pushed myself very hard and managed to struggle my way down to 220 once again. I was literally starving myself though and nearly ended up in the hospital. I became so burned out I gave up entirely, and shot right back up over 250 again.
It seems 250 was a major set point for me at various stages of my life. And it felt that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I pushed, I could
not get below it without resorting to extreme, unhealthy means. I felt doomed to remain fat forever!
So then comes another story, one that I needn't go in much detail over . . . but the gist of it is that within the feeling of lost hope and a lot of unfortunate events in my life, I gained
another 100 pounds on top of where I already was! And when the realization struck me, I think one of the only things that allowed me to turn my life around was believing that even if I was supposedly doomed to remain fat forever, I should at the very least be able to get down to 250 again, right? Because I was so heavy I had trouble breathing. Breathing! One of the very basics required to live and I didn't have enough breath to walk from one end of a room to another. Trying to bend over for anything was pure torture, which included using the bottom kitchen cabinets or tying my shoes. I also struggled to find any clothes that would fit around me outside of a big & tall men's store (I couldn't even fit in the largest jeans of a women's plus-size shop). I'd also stopped wearing makeup and jewelry because I figured, what's the point?
I literally spent years working my way back down to 250. Apparently another set point I have is 285, and getting back below it was a real b*tch in and of itself. I spent roughly
four years at 285-290 (from 2006-2009), so I know exactly where you're coming from. I didn't manage to work past it until after I'd taken a break from worrying about it, giving myself time to settle while maintaining, and eventually deciding to buckle down on healthier living despite the lack of results I was apparently getting.
I had a similar issue when I finally got down to around 250 again, as I bounced around 250-260 from 2009-2011. Something finally clicked for me last summer and I managed to work my way under 250, but I don't think I was ready and ended up really struggling by the time I was in the 235 range. I snapped when a lot of excessive stress hit me all at once and completely gave up, figuring once again I was doomed to remain fat forever. And I ended up eating myself all the way back up to 267 last winter. I finally realized what I was doing to myself when I had my miscarriage (first trimester) in January. I knew I had to do something, so I made a plan to start over in March. That gave me a little cushion to mourn over what I'd been through (not just the loss of my first pregnancy, but the death of my cousin, issues with my brother, an urgent drive across the country, my car breaking down, etc.) and to get my head back on straight.
Within weeks of my new plan, I ended up in Urgent Care over what I thought was a gall bladder attack due to my new diet. Luckily it just ended up being a very painful case of gastritis, but it's the type of thing that would usually derail me. I stubbornly reworked my new plan though and got my way through it, one day at a time, one meal at a time.
Weight loss is not happening nearly as quickly as I feel it should be. I quite often gain for no apparent reason. Last month I spent three frustrating weeks facing the same number on the scale. But I think what makes all this bearable for me is focusing on what I
can control and accomplish. I
can stay on plan. I
can do positive things for my body. I do what I can to nourish my body and soul. Something I
can't control is how fast it comes off. I still get plenty frustrated, but I can't let the scale be my main focus! Whenever I do? I lose sight of what's important, that I want to be healthy and happy. Focusing on the rate of loss ends up being counter-productive since it frustrates me to the point of giving up.
The thing is that you have to shift your focus on what to enjoy. So many have the mindset of, "Well, it won't come off, so I might as well eat what I want!" That's how I ended up going 200 pounds over what my healthy weight should be!

And the only reason I'm finally down to the 220's now with any amount of sanity is because I'm choosing to focus on how healthy I can make each day, not how much I lose each week. I write down all of my meals and snacks. I track how much I walk daily. I choose the stairs over the elevators and park farther away from the stores. And although it's easier said than done and took a h3ll of a lot of practice, I now look forward to healthy meals with smaller portions. It took time, but I've found enjoyment with staying on plan and finding what works best for me rather than being angry over not being able to eat like "everyone else" and giving up over a lack of results. I'll admit I spent way too much time feeling angry and bitter that I couldn't be naturally thin like most of the people in my life. But it is what it is, and no amount of complaining I do will make it fair or give me a level playing field.
Results take time. It's taken me since March to lose 40 pounds, half the amount a lot of people are capable of. But I'm doing it my own way, stress-free, without calorie counting (cc'ing just stresses me out to the point of giving up). I really hope you find what works for you. Eating "whatever you want" is not truly enjoying life; unhealthy eating actually robs you of happiness. Work hard with honor. Find ways to enjoy the healthier steps you need to take. People often view weight loss as a battle, but not me. Whenever I've done that I exhaust myself to the point of giving up, and it sounds like that's happening to you as well. Instead, embrace the changes you need to make. Focus on the positives! I know that if I eat too much pizza, I'll feel like a bloated, lazy glutton for the rest of the day. But if I limit myself to just one or two slices at lunchtime and pair it with a yummy salad, I not only feel better, but I have something to be proud of! This way I can still have pizza, fries, chocolate, whatever . . . it's finding the balance that keeps me sane, I guess.
Good luck to you, and take care of yourself! You can do this, one step at a time . . . we're never really standing still after all, so just make sure you keep going in the right direction.
