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Old 10-18-2012, 04:31 PM   #1
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Default Complete lack of support...

I have social phobia so I don't go out much. I lost my last semi friend a few years ago when she stabbed me in the back yet again. I mainly only talk to hubby, my kids, my parents and my sister occasionally.
My problem is this, my sister is heavier than I am by far and does not want to put forth any effort into losing weight so I can't talk to her because all I hear is how if she was as skinny () as I am she would be thrilled.
My kids are teenage boys so they are out for any help.
My parents have health problems of their own and if I say anything to my mom about losing weight she tells me to just be fat and jolly and don't worry about it?! Then amazingly she buys me chocolate or some sort of candy "because she was thinking of me" even though I just told her I was losing weight.
When I talk to hubby about anything to do with weight loss he gets that look on his face that tells me he doesn't want to hear it, even though he says he will try to help me. Then if I ask him about figuring out portion size and calories in it or basically any question related to weight he just tells me over and over "I don't know"
I do have another site I go to for weight loss and I try to be as encouraging as I can and reply to their posts and I get nothing from them. One day I admitted I was in tears from my weight and I swear there were crickets chirping from my computer. Not one person who read it said one word to me, even though I have tried to help them with what little bit I can.
Then I am here, and see you guys trying to encourage people and help them out and answer questions and just being as supportive as you can. It made me realize that this is it. This site is the only support I get, and I haven't even been here that long or gotten to know anyone really. But I have been reading old threads and learning a lot.
Am I the only person who gets no support and encouragement from people you live around? I know that I should not rely on others to motivate me or help me, that it should all come from within me, but doesn't everyone need an encouraging word now and then?
I don't know whether I need a hug or a kick in the pants and told to suck it up and get over it.
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:39 PM   #2
Embracing the suck
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No doubt you'll find all the support you want on this site.

The other good news is that most people who are successful with weight loss on this site are just like you. They didn't have any support either except online - so it can be done.
"Getting solid information is easier than ever. Getting misinformation is even easier." - Kaplods

Maintaining for two years and I eat whatever I want - just not however much I want. Details here.
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:39 PM   #3
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Welcome and good luck. No, you re not the only one with family that just don't get it and are of no support. Keep posting, I am sure there is someone here that knows exactly where you are coming from.Don't give up .
Goal 12/21/2007
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:51 PM   #4
Knocking down walls.
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Hi tubolard! There seem to be a lot of people on here who don't get much/any support IRL, so you're definitely not alone.

1 banana/5 lbs. lost:
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:00 PM   #5
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My mom has diabetes and my dad has high blood pressure. Iím usually lecturing them about eating right but theyíre old and donít want to hear it either. Last week my dad bought 2extra large pizzas for 3 people to eat in one day and just today he brought home a 12pack of donuts. He said he was craving them and wanted a treat. I do wish he would just buy these ďtreatsĒ for himself. like one donut or a small pizza for himself to indulge in. Almost like, if he keeps everyone his size heíll feel better about himself kind of attitude.

But I canít say my friends offer no support, they mustíve lose 100pounds combined, but they arenít perfect. This site is prolly the best thing that has worked for me so far. Even ghosting some of the threads so I know people are doing this for a purpose helps a lot. Good luck on your journey, but best thing I can tell you is to ignore the ppl that bring you down. You donít need to eat what they eat even if they offer it to you. If they wanna eat bad thats their lives. And your life is up to you
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:15 PM   #6
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This website has been a blessing. My boyfriend has no weight problem whatsoever, I have one friend who is trying to lose weight but instead of encouraging each other,we end up talking to each other about how fat we are and laugh it off instead of helping each other to do anything about it.

I have my good days and bad days as far as weight loss is concerned. However, I have found that my short time on this site and how encouraging these ladies and gents are, I have more will power throughout the day to stay on track and stay motivated. I want to be a success story too
Ultimate Goal:

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"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:16 PM   #7
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Oh you are so not alone! Even with support those not going through or been through weight loss, I feel get tired of hearing about it. For me that's where this site helps. Someone is nearly always on when you really need. And seeing the people who have made it to the other side AND especially maintaining is super encouraging. They remember weight loss not being linear and ups and downs, binges and still are here. I have some people that purposefully and not purposefully try to sabotage me, and here I feel better realizing I'm not alone. Welcome!
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Old 10-18-2012, 05:21 PM   #8
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I had to become proactive to put together an effective support network for myself. I hired a wellness coach for a few weeks while I was trying to figure out how to change my life. I have learned some new techniques to deal with the emotional eating behaviors. I have great online support here and in another forum. I found an exceptional personal trainer who runs a Pilates studio that is filled with like-minded fitness enthusiasts.

Your support system is not going to come to you. You have to find it for yourself. The support system you thought you had really wasn't supportive for your goals. They weren't built to do that. You're going to have to push yourself to create/find what you need. You don't have to be an effective social butterfly to find success and support.

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Old 10-18-2012, 05:44 PM   #9
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I agree that this site is IT. My husband and kids are supportive to a limited point, but they quickly tire of hearing about the minutiae of weight control. The good news is that none of us on the board get tired of it. We get it. Keep going, keep reading and keep posting. If you feel a particular affinity toward someone you meet here, you can start corresponding via PM, which can give you more individualized support.

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Old 10-18-2012, 06:10 PM   #10
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You've definitely found a great place for support. 3FC has some of the most wonderful members, which is very very very rare for an internet community!

I have a decent amount of supportive people in my life, but no one who can relate and understand what I've been through and am going through, with my weight loss -- like I find here. I love it here!!! So glad you have joined!
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:16 PM   #11
a work in progress
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my friends and family are nice about it, they compliment my weight loss and seem happy for me. as far as day to day support of struggling with dieting, i get zero. my boyfriend just doesnt understand and he and my son tell me i look fine already. if he cooks dinner (which he usually does) and im going to great lengths to figure out the calories in it hes standing there rolling his eyes. im pretty sure he thinks im a lunatic.

when its time to find people who truly understand and who have been there or are currently there, this site is the place to be. im so grateful for it. the last time i lost all my weight this site was it. i regained a TON when i stopped posting here. ive been back 2 months and lost almost 20 lbs. this site is THE only help i have!

Last edited by juliastl27; 10-18-2012 at 06:17 PM.
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:21 PM   #12
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Don't focus on those around you and their lack of support. Realize that if they support you they have to look in the mirror and they are not ready. Love yourself. Love them and be an example, by deed and not words. When they see you are getting healthy (and smaller) and loving life despite their lack of enthusiam they can join your, or stay stuck where they are. You can't change other people. You can only change yourself. If they ask what you are doing, tell them, but don't expect them to adopt your new way of life. Just share and let them decide. If they ask for help, give them the support you did not get. But don't push. There is a balance. Keep up the good work and just do what is good for you. That is not selfish. If you are not happy with yourself you are no good to those around you either.
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:24 PM   #13
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This site was the only support I had while losing weight. I still visit several times a day. I read mostly. But I've always gotten support when I post.

Link to before and after pics
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:24 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by freelancemomma View Post
...but they quickly tire of hearing about the minutiae of weight control...
This is exactly why I'm here. I can come here and talk about a pound gained or lost, a great workout, a craving for caramel popcorn, or even my bowel movements! That isn't stuff that my husband or best friends care about, and really nobody wants to hear about dietary frustrations from someone who is in shape already.

It's hard to maintain my fitness level and it's not always easy to make the right choices. Sometimes trying to white knuckle through a craving is nearly impossible, and where someone in the "real world" would probably tell me to "live a little" or "just treat myself" the other folks here on this site understand that sometimes you have to stick to your plan. The 80/20 rule to diet and exercise only works if you stick to the 80! haha

Anyway, I digress...

This site has been a blessing for me and so many others, so I'm glad you've found it for yourself as well!
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:56 PM   #15
Back to Basics!
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I don't talk to ANYONE in my regular life about my weight loss or current maintenance. I live for 3FC in that regard, because I know everyone on here knows what I am going though.

GOAL Photos & Story
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