Feeling so weak right now - where to find willpower?
Hi all,
I've been on my weightless journey since Jan. 2009. I realized my weight had crept up, I began exercising and calorie counting consistently, and lost 30 pounds "easily."
Then it started getting hard. After months of constantly sticking to my plan, I began to feel deprived - I missed going out to eat, resting and relaxing, etc. I started / stopped so many eating and exercise plans since then, and gained back nearly all the weight I lost.
I've maintained my current weight for about a year, but I've felt like I've been dieting the whole time. I can't seem to stick with it for more than a few days at a time. I think I'm just so sick of feeling like I'm always on a diet at this point. But I'm also so tired of starting and giving up when the smallest obstacles come up.
Can anyone relate? I have no idea where to find my willpower again.
I am right there with you. It is so hard for me to get started and even harder for me to keep it up. Right now i'm in kind of a slump...i'm unemployed and not in love with the community i'm living in. I'm going to school in a new town in 4 months but considering i've been in this situation for a while now, the next 4 months seem rather daunting.
Anyways I always described myself as a yoyo dieter, meaning I am constantly losing and gaining weight; but recently I thought back to all the times I said I was going to diet and I realized that I can't be a yoyo dieter because I never actually lost any weight. I talked about dieting, stressed about dieting and even dieted for a week or two but never actually dieted with any kind of success. Which now seems like a total waste because for someone who has never dieted I sure wasted a lot of time on dieting.
I feel bad because I don't really have an answer. What I can do is tell you how all this dieting has changed me in a good way beyond weight loss. 1. When I used to hang out with friends all I thought about was if it would look too piggish if I took the last brownie. Now I am genuinely just focused on being with my friends and enjoying their company. 2. I might be the same weight before and after I started this whole "dieting" thing, but now I am much healthier. I work out a few times a week and only eat healthy foods. (meaning low oil, low sugar high vegetable and while grain diet) it's still easy to maintain my weight even thought I cut out the fattening foods because I have portion control issues and because I genuinely love healthy food 3. Before I was slowly gaining weight. I might not have lost any weight but I am now stable 4. I used to get instant gratification after eating a candy bar now I get instant gratification after eating lets say a grilled chicken salad because it makes me feel clean and energized as opposed to bloated and guilty 5. I have completely lost cravings for pretty much anything that comes standard in a snack machine as well as pizza, fried foods and overly sweet desserts
I hope this helps. Just keep at it and change will come in one form or another, I am sure of it. Good Luck!
It was like that for me too... I lost like ten pounds easy and then it got super difficult. It's because at the beginning of weight loss, you lose what's called water weight, and it's easy to lose that. But afterwards it's all uphill. Just don't give up! Make some small changes and be willing to stick to them. Not all at once, just one at a time.
For instance... me, I decided to start primarily drinking water, and slowly transition to just drinking water. And tea. Before, I primarily drank diet soda, which, while better than regular soda, let's just be honest, water's better. It's a small step, but since my change, it's been getting easier to just drink water. You get used to it. So now I can start doing something else different, like running a little when I go on walks, and slowly becoming able to run for longer periods of time.
It'll take time. You'll have lapses, but don't give up!
I was put on my first diet in kindergarten (medicallly supervised by my pediatrian), and I've been on the weight loss rollercoaster every since, and I failed every weight loss attempt (but this one) because I felt exactly as you do.
This time has been different, because I stopped trying to lose weight, and instead decided to focus on getting healthier and stronger, eating better, moving more, and deciding to care as little about weight loss as possible. Instead I focused on "not gaining."
The healthy changes did eventually result n weight loss, but I considered it a reward not a goal. Goals should be things you have complete, 100% control over. Weight loss makes a better reward/result than it does a goal.
Focusing on "not gaining" though meant that every time I got on the scale (even if it was dozens of times a day) I usually got a reward (seeing no gain), so getting on the scale is never discouraging. Even when I KNOW I've gained (because of eating off plan), I get on the scale immediately and usualy discover I haven't gained nearly what I think I have (you can't gain more from a food than the food actually weighs, so getting on the scale immediately after eating off plan actually gives you a worse case scenario - and unless you ate pure fat it actually gives a worse-than-worst case scenario).
I decided this time to never make any changes that I wasn't willing to stick with indefinitely whether or not they resulted in weight loss. That too was incredibly liberating. I stopped feeling overwhelmed and deprived, because I only took on changes small enough that I was pretty confident I could take them on comfortably.
Even though it's taken me several years to lose the 105 lbs, it feels like it's been effortless, because I only made changes I found relatively easy. I made the changes so gradually that I didn't have to put much if any energy into adjusting to the changes.
I also stopped "dieting" in that I only made food plan changes that I also was willing to change forever. I will never "stop" dieting, because I didn't start. I'm not "dieting," I'm just going about living my chosen lifestyle. I plan on eating "this way" forever. My calorie intake may have to change (or it may not, I'm eating about 1800 calories, which I may be able to follow all the way to my goal weight, or I may have to reduce it), but there is no "diet" to fall off of.
Because I'm not dieting and because I enjoy food, I focus on choosing the yummiest healthy foods I can find, gain no deprivation because I'm choosing foods I want to eat (I'm not choosing ALL the foods I want to eat, but there are plenty of healthy foods I enjoy eating, so I focus on what I'm getting, not what I'm giving up).
All these little tips have revolutionized my life. I don't try to get willpower, I try to set up my life so that I don't need willpower. I make the healthier choices and habits easier than the unhealthy ones (for example not buying trigger foods, or if hubby wants them I have him put his treats on the highest pantry shelf so I can't reach or see them).
These tips capitalize on the laziness that would otherwise be a weight loss barrier. Hubby and I used to do one main shopping trip per month and a few side trips for perishables like milk, fresh veggies, and bread. We did that because we wanted to save a money and gas (and because we were lazy).
Now we only buy what we need for a few days (we end up grocery shopping about twice a week). It feels like less work (because we don't spend as much time in the store) and by only buying what we need, we end up doing more walking in the end, and we don't feel deprived, because if we want a small treat, we buy one (though more often than not, even my treats are getting healthier).
So we used to shop once a month out of laziness, and now we shop twice a week out of laziness, but we've learned to let the laziness work for us.
When I went to the gym, I told myself how lucky I was that hubby and I didn't have to shower at home, because that way we didn't have to clean the tub and shower tiles as often.
Focus on the ways you're saving time, money, and effort and it stops feeling like an unpleasant chore that you'll eventually not have to do, and more like simply a normal part of your life that is there forever, because it's a lifestyle you want and enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, find a way to make the choices enjoyable or you'll never stick with it (or you'll stick with it, but be miserable).
Willpower is highly overrated. Making changes because you want to, will always trump changes you're making because you feel you should or must do.
ADL - laughed when I recognized myself in your dieting description. Honestly, if we separate all the time we spend THINKING/OBSESSING about it versus DOING it - well, you are right!! And, as others posted, right about making these daily habits vs. having a feeling of deprivation.
It makes maintaining easy. It comes down to calories and eating two larger meals a day is easier for me than eating 5-6 times a day and trying to fit everything into a budget.
For example if you maintain on 1800 calories a day you could eat an 800 calorie lunch and a 1000 calorie dinner. For me this is easier than a 400 calorie breakfast, a 100 calorie snack, a 500 calorie lunch, a 200 calorie snack, and a 600 calorie dinner.
It takes some adjusting but for most people who try it intermittent fasting works fantastic.
I totally relate. I started my "get fit" journey in Jan 2011. I dropped weight pretty dramatically and was 100% committed to WW and working out 4-5x per week.
Of course, then life happens, right? In spring 2011 we had 2 week trip in Europe where I gained around 10 lbs. I got right back on plan and lost all that just in time for a week-long vacation in the Caribbean a month and a half later. Happily, I only gained 2 lbs on that trip, which I also promptly lost.
On Nov 5, 2011 I weighed in at 160 lb and no matter what I tried, I couldn't motivate myself to lose more. I didn't gain, I was still working out, totally maintaining - but I was totally burned out of constantly trying to lose. It was just one thing after another since then - 3 week-long business trips, then 4 separate family Christmas celebrations, many holiday parties, followed up by another huge trip this past May.
It's totally normal to feel burned out. I know I have to stick to this way of living forever in order to maintain a healthy weight - that's not my issue - my issue is dropping those last 15'ish lbs. The plan would work if I stayed committed to it, but I slip because I am mentally tired of my entire existence being about "losing weight."
So, instead, I now concentrate on working out, eating well, etc. and I haven't weighed myself in weeks. It's really nice just living a healthful lifestyle without jumping on the scale and freaking out because the weight isn't dropping off me like it once did. I have found that since I stopped weighing in weekly, my mental burn-out is less and my motivation is better.
I know the program works, I know what it takes and that is what I focus on now rather than the scale. I have a doctor's appointment in 2 weeks, so I'll wait until then to weigh-in, hopefully I'll be down a few more pounds, but if not, I'll just continue to live as healthfully as I can!
Thank you all so much!!! Though I don't wish this frustration on anyone, it is comforting to be reminded that there are others who felt like this and succeeded.
I need to remind myself of my successes more - I am in so much better shape than I was 3 years ago when I weighed this much, I've found a love for being active, and my eating habits are definitely a lot healthier than they used to be. If I never started this journey, who knows where I would be today!
I love the ideas to focus on maintaining and just make some small changes to get healthier, and go from there.
Really glad I posted - you are all so motivating and helpful!
Last edited by christiina; 08-30-2012 at 05:38 PM.
Reason: typo
First, congratulations for losing the weight once! That period of healthy eating created a "groove." Second, congrats for not giving up--and for trying different programs and plans.
Regarding being on a "diet" forever--it does suck. You do kind of have to, to keep the weight off. But you get to pick the diet, so pick one you CAN do forever--even if it's not super-strict, and only brings you partway to goal. Something that worked for me, that got me going, was just to make sure half my plate was fruit and veggies. You're not denying yourself, and, at least for me, it was worth 10 pounds. From there, I was in a better frame of mind to make more changes.
There are definitely plans that will let you go out to restaurants. (I like to stick to fish or shellfish, but some people make it work counting calories.) Exercise is good for toning, but if it's making the whole thing too onerous, hold off a bit.
Good luck!! You're really not that far from your goal.
Last edited by HungryHungryHippo; 08-30-2012 at 07:35 PM.
Feeling so weak right now - where to find willpower?
