My mom and dad were talking with me and I was telling them my goal weight which is 150. They said that was "too skinny." My dad actually got mad at me saying that I don't have to be a stick to be pretty and I'm just trying to conform to society or something. Now, 150 is still considered "overweight" for my height. My mother was skinnier than that when she was my age. Honestly, even my best friend thinks it's too skinny /: Why can't I have their support?
It's possible they don't really know what 150 will look like on you. It can be very hard to judge. My sister's the same height as you, and 152 at the moment, but if I didn't know her weight and someone asked I'd probably say something closer to 165 is her current weight. The sole reason for this is we're different heights - I'm five inches taller - and so when I look at a body I judge its weight as if it were my height. When it's considerably shorter, my judgement's all wrong. So if your parents aren't the same height as you, they could well also have trouble accurately judging size at your height.
There's also the question of whether they've ever seen you at 150. If they haven't, again, very difficult to judge.
Your dad saying you don't have to be a stick to be pretty makes me think that he actually is trying to be supportive, in his own way. He doesn't want you starving yourself to fit some ideal of beauty, and that's a very good thing. Sounds like he wants you to be happy with yourself whatever your size. Sit down and talk to him again. Explain that you know you can be beautiful when you're bigger, but for the sake of your health you'd like to be within the healthy weight range, and you need his support. And be prepared for the fact that you may well then have to spell out exactly what support you'll need, because people aren't mind readers.
You could also try to find photos of other people who are your height and target weight. I'm thinking of my sister again, and at your height and target weight she's far from skinny.
I've pointed out that by medical standards, my current weight is considered overweight and that normal weight is a range of 120-140, and my goal is solidly in the middle of that. Sometimes pointing out what is medically considered obese or medically considered overweight or normal is what helps people to understand your goal. It's not about getting skinny to fit in to some warped mold created by society or fashion magazines. It's about what is considered medically healthy.
Perhaps by pointing that out, showing your parents what you have learned about being healthy, fit, losing weight etc, and how it is good for you, then they will see that you've put thought in to this, instead of them thinking you just want to be a stick person.
When I reached 200 pounds, people were telling me I looked good and didn't need to lose anymore weight...really?! It's your body, your life, get to the weight you want to be and ignore them.
I do think they were trying to support me... in their own way.
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Your dad saying you don't have to be a stick to be pretty makes me think that he actually is trying to be supportive, in his own way....
Don't worry too much about what your dad said. As Brid stated above, he is just trying to be supportive, but not doing it the right way. I know, because I'm a guy and there have been plenty of times when I've said something trying to console my wife, only to have it totally backfire and make the situation worse. We guys don't always know the best words to use in a situation.
Last edited by next99nights; 06-14-2012 at 10:32 AM.
I've experienced the same thing Kassie. After having gastric bypass surgery and getting down to my goal weight of 150, I was told that I was 'too skinny'. Now keep in mind, most of my family is overweight and my mother is obese.
I say decide what weight FEELS good, LOOKS good and is HEALTHY for you.
but my family used to say the same thing, and they still do.
They told me 140 (which is my ultimate goal) is WAY TOO SMALL and I'll look anorexic.
Harsh.... It's borderline healthy, you know?
Either way, maybe just don't tell them, and let them see. Once you get closer and closer to your goal, you'll re-evaluate and see where you feel comfortable at.
I started with goals of 160, 150 and now 140.
But I never let anyone know, I just keep saying "oh another 10lb to go..."
LOL I hear you, Kassie. When I was 150 (I'm 5'6"), my parents said I was too skinny. My mom actually said she thought I was anorexic. It wasn't until I hit 170 that they said I looked kinda healthy. Maybe it does have to do with self-perception on their part. I'm the shortest and finest-boned in the family. Everyone else is over 5'9". Before their gastric bypasses a couple years ago my dad weighed nearly 500 lbs and my mom about 300. My brother, who's over 6', is built like a refrigerator. (On the other hand, my grandfather (6'2" stick) asked, when I was 140, if I ever considered exercising because I was really chunky, bordering on obese.) It would be lovely to have their support. It would be wonderful to have the support of my friends (they don't think I can lose the weight and don't agree with my way of eating). I know I'm not going to get it.
Your health is for you. It's not for society or for anyone else. You're the one who has to live in your skin, so do what you feel is right for your health. You know what looks good on your frame. I wouldn't mention goals anymore if they're going to be like that; they'll see the results. You look fantastic, and you're headed for your goal. Almost halfway there! Wishing you the best!!
people are so afraid of dedication and change, I am telling you. Sometimes soemones passion to be fit/finally healthy can be seen as scary to close friends and family. They dont know that your goal is to look healthy, they just know that x number is way far from your old weight and that scares them.
Just explain to them that you don't want to be stick thin either! You just wnat to be healthy! And then if that doesnt work, sorry to say, but ignore them! They'll realize how beautiful you are at 150.
Ah, cultural/regional differences! My parents still think I'm chunky under 130 >_<
Just because you want to be a healthy weight doesn't mean you only want it because "they" on magazine covers are skinny. People don't realize this/have a hard time "getting" it. I'd just reassure the worrywarts that you're aiming for healthy, not bony, and if they keep bugging you just stop talking about weight loss with them.
I wouldn't worry about it since you are basically quibbling over some future number that has not arrived yet.
If you KNOW speaking these numbers out loud gets them all cranked up, just agree to something neutral like "I just want to get a bit more fit" and let it go. You can come here to talk hard numbers and things.
They don't watch you stand on a scale. They'd never know the number otherwise if you just don't volunteer than information. Volunteer other information -- like "I worked out 4 times this week! Yay me!" or "I ran a whole mile without stopping! Yay me!"
And perhaps then you'd have more support for "fitness talk" rather than "lose weight talk."
When I first started out over a year ago, I told my mom I was thinking of maybe setting my goal to 136 instead of 150 and she basically freaked saying that was way too skinny, that it'd be hard to maintain and etcetc. I was shocked by her reaction but chalked it down to her never seeing me that low since I was a pre-teen. I know she was trying to be supportive by being concerned and stuff but I didn't really want to argue with her nor explain to her that 136 is healthy and 150 still overweight so I decided not to bring it up to her again, ever.
I get this, too. It's an utter load of tosh and I suppose you just have to be strong and know what you want for your body. I had people tell me to sopt losing when I was 180 and still really overweight. I've had people tell me I'm aiming too low. Eh. It's my body. I'll figure it out. You can, too.
I wouldn't worry about it since you are basically quibbling over some future number that has not arrived yet.
If you KNOW speaking these numbers out loud gets them all cranked up, just agree to something neutral like "I just want to get a bit more fit" and let it go. You can come here to talk hard numbers and things.
They don't watch you stand on a scale. They'd never know the number otherwise if you just don't volunteer than information. Volunteer other information -- like "I worked out 4 times this week! Yay me!" or "I ran a whole mile without stopping! Yay me!"
And perhaps then you'd have more support for "fitness talk" rather than "lose weight talk."
It all depends on how YOU carry it, and your bodyfat percentage at a certain weight is a HUGE part of that.
I have lost pounds on the scale, but added more muscle over the last year. People that before were telling me "don't lose any more weight!" are now saying that I "bulked up a bit". Really? I LOST 5 more pounds... go figure.
In the end, maybe it's best to be vague about specific goals and plans if at all possible. I've seen this question (or one like it) a lot lately and it seems like if you give out a lot of information people take that as an invitation to offer their comments and critiques.
So..they think I'm trying to be too skinny? x:
