I think dropping the idea of perfection is actually what's helping me succeed this time (more in the sense that it's ok if I don't lose at least 2 pounds every week). And it's odd because even when I wanted perfection, it's such an abstract, far away concept to me. I haven't been anywhere near a healthy weight since before puberty, and I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be anywhere under 200 pounds. I'll be absolutely ecstatic if I can even reach 220 again, which was my lowest weight as an adult.

Even if I never get out of the obese category, I think I'll be pretty satisfied if I can get below a size 20 and continue to gain energy from my healthier choices.

While there are times I'm upset because I didn't end up with some smokin' hot bikini body, I'm finding those times are few and far between now. I'm not so much as a perfectionist when it comes to how I look, but rather what I can do. I didn't hate my body before I lost weight—instead I learned to embrace my plus size body and dress to flatter it—which I believe has helped me be more accepting of the flaws I have now as a thin person.

I've always liked being active though, and the body I have didn't allow me to be as active and fit as I pictured myself in my head. Now that I can do the things I always dreamed of, I push myself to always do better. I find I'm a perfectionist when it comes to fitness and sometimes I need to step back and remind myself: "Hey, dummy, remember last year when you couldn't lift 40lbs? Stop beating yourself up for only deadlifting 130lbs again."

I think everyone needs a good dose of turning around and looking behind them every now and then. Those of us who have lost a lot especially. We've walked so far on the path that we're just looking directly in front of us—we forget to turn around and see just how far we've walked in total.

A lot of it has to do with our personalities, but we're certainly surrounded by constant messages of THIN IS PERFECTION that it can take a toll on anyone. To come so close to that "perfection" and still be far away can be quite frustrating for people.

Very good question. And perhaps not one I can answer directly, as I'm deliberately not aiming for a weight that'd put me at the low end of healthy BMI. My target at the moment is 175, or twelve and a half stone as we call it here, under twelve would be in the healthy range. So my aim is to still be slightly overweight, but to be five pounds lower than the lowest adult weight I've ever been.

Reasons why that's my target? Firstly, I don't really know what a reasonable target for me is. I've never been skinny as an adult, I don't know what scale-number is going to look best on my frame. I refuse to sit around measuring my knees and elbows to work out what size my frame supposedly is to help me work it out, because that sounds like madness to me. I suspect, with my height, ten stone (140) is the lowest that might conceivably look good on me.

Secondly, the pervading wisdom is that weight loss gets harder the closer you get to goal. Why is this? I suspect in part it's because the smaller you are, the greater percentage of your body weight you're trying to shift with each pound lost, and the smaller you get, the more your body's going to panic and resist. Whatever the reasons, I'm hoping that by setting my target that bit higher, the final pounds won't be quite so difficult as the final pounds would be if I were aiming for ten stone. And the ease of hitting target is very important for me: I've never really successfully lost weight before, I don't know if I'll manage it, I don't even know if I'm capable of it, and I don't know how well I'd be able to stick to it if it starts taking weeks or months of ridiculous effort to shift each pound.

Thirdly, I think, is an emotional point - I've never been thin, so this is taking a giant leap into the unknown for me. I know how to be an obese person, and I know how to be an overweight person. I have no idea how to be a skinny person. It's an intimidating prospect at times. With a higher target, I don't have to be intimidated.

Fourth and finally is consideration of the boyfriend. He likes larger women, I was eighteen stone (255) when we met and he thought I was gorgeous. (I thought he was mad, but that's beside the point.) I give him a lot of credit for helping me get my head in such a place that I'm ready to take down the defensive fat-walls I've surrounded myself with, and if it weren't for him and the motivation and support he gives me, I wouldn't be doing this. So it would seem a bit harsh, and counterproductive, to set a target weight in the zone he considers unattractively skinny, and then to expect him to help me get there.

Of course, I reserve the right to have a rethink when I get to 175. I may decide I still need to lose another half a stone or more when I get to that point. But that point's in the future, and I don't need to worry about perfection now. I just need to focus on keeping on with my healthy eating choices, and that seems achievable.

I'll be intrigued to read everyone's replies here. Would be good to see if I'm an oddity in terms of my targets!

I'm exactly with you on many of your points.

I also don't feel the need for perfection, but am only aiming at 5 pounds or so outside the healthy bmi range. I feel that at that range I will be healthy, it should be easier to attain and most importantly, to maintain. And as I've been overweight/obese my entire life since about 11 years old, I think I will be content with that level.

However, I also realize that since I've never been there, I MAY?? decide to go a little lower when I achieve that goal. If the reward seems worth the effort at that point, I will move forward. At this point though, I sincerely doubt it.

Aside from the obvious of wanting to look great in clothes, I have come to terms with the fact that it might not ever happen for me. Two years ago I got down to 150 and while I looked and felt terrific, I was still fairly overweight for my height. It was frustrating because I just couldn't break the 150 barrier.

Then I relaxed on my plan a little (read: way) too much and started eating like a 'normal' person. After regaining 68 pounds, I know now that if I can get back to 150, I will be just fine with that. I'll be 40 this year, and I have to face the fact that it's just going to get even harder to lose. So if I'm never tiny, it's not the end of the world. I'd like to feel fit and energetic like I did in the 150s, though.

Great post Berry - and YES. I struggle with this very thing. It's been (over) two years now, and I'm still not at my goal of 140. I'm beginning to think I will NOT make it to my goal & that I should be happy & OK with my current weight, which is actually 3-4 lb ABOVE my ticker ...

At this point, I'd really just be happy to get to 150 & MAINTAIN THE HELLOUTTATHAT!!! But of course, once I reach 150 (IF I reach 150) I know me... I will STILL struggle with that last 10 pounds. My motivation has come & gone like a spring tide, but it's my commitment that has kept me going this long, & unfortunately it is beginning to wane a bit.

I think part of the reason is that *in my heart of hearts* I REALLY want to be 130 lb, not 140. But I chose 140 because it seemed more "doable" and now I haven't even "DONE" that. So now of course I feel like reaching goal is even MORE important, and yet you can tell that I am feeling like a loser today, & not the good kind of loser. Waaaah.

I was just thinking about this yesterday. Has anyone chosen an obese or overweight BMI weight loss goal? I am tempted to just maintain my 40 pound loss and call it a day. With my calerie restriction/ excersize I should be loosing a pound a week but it is more like .5.....I have been at this for 7 months and don't want to get frustrated and quit.

I keep thinking about the health risks....I want to get out of the obese range at least.

I think as someone else said, it is about comparing yourself to others. At least, it is for me, in part. I see someone who was 100 or more pounds overweight and are now "skinny" (in my mind) and I berate myself for not being able to do it also. I think to myself that I just must be lazy, have no willpower, etc. To be honest, I don't have faith in myself right now that I can lose the 130-ish pounds that would, I think, put me at my "ideal" weight. I didn't even put it as my goal weight. And because I don't believe in myself enough to get there, I seem to also have a hard time thinking that I could even lose 10 or 20 pounds. Which is really silly, but it is what I'm fighting right now.
This might have gotten off topic a little, but I do think if we all do what is healthy for ourselves, that can be good enough. But as I type it, my thoughts whisper "good enough" isn't GOOD ENOUGH! It is a struggle.

after some more soul searching about this topic, I am now changing my ticker to ????? for my goald weight instead of 158 and adding my first mini goal of 250. My current clothes will fit much better at that weight. What happens after that, happens. I might change my mind tomorrow, but today I'm going to eat healthy and live life.

I didn't have 100 pounds to lose but I am 80 pounds below the heaviest weight I ever had. My experience was the opposite. I thought I would ideally like to get back to 180 pounds, what I weighed at high school graduation. That was still 25 pounds overweight for my height. In a dream world I thought I might get to a size 10 or even an 8. I never thought I could do better until that initial goal came within sight and I realized I had a handle on my fitness and diet enough to do more. Oh, and kalpods, you have beautiful perspective that I appreciate.

There's always room for improvement... it gives us something to strive for... but it is equally if not more important to reflect on how far we've come and celebrate it!
I think about this a lot when I'm running. It may be hard some days, and I may wish I could be faster sometimes, but then I think about how hard certain hills were when I first started, and that makes it easier to appreciate my progress.
I still struggle with emotional eating sometimes, and I definitely tend to beat myself up over that. But nowadays, I am more likely to overeat on fruit and yogurt, or hummus and whole wheat bread, than a whole bag of doritos. WOW! I really have to remind myself of how major that is.
Recently I've adopted a mantra- I AM WHAT I AM. So simple, but it reminds me that I am awesome, even when I struggle or make mistakes.

I see what you mean. I take this on as a process and I'll see where I land. I am 10 pounds over not and if I couldn't lose more I would maintain and be content. I don't have "bikini dreams" and am not letting magazines dictate what I should look like.

At the same time, I would want to turn as much of that extra fat into muscle and continue to be active. This is such a personal process, and I feel like I get to know my body a bit more with every week. So I hope I will know when I am at a weight that is good for me.

Hmm. I don't know that I'm aiming for 'perfection' I'm just aiming for a place where I can be happy. I've always wanted to be fit and active. Always. When I was younger I was a competetive swimmer, I always wanted to be lean and muscular etc etc. I just know myself and what I'll be happy with. I'll be in the overweight category at 180lbs and 170lbs. I'll probably look all right, too since I'm tall. But I wouldn't be HAPPY.

I don't think I wouldn't be happy because I'm not perfect, I wouldn't be happy because I'd be settling. I know what my body can do, I know I can hit my goal weight and maintain it. I just need to discipline myself and fight for it.

If at 170 I decide meh, I look good, might as well stay here, I'd be absolutely disappointed in myself. I would have given up because things became easy. If I set a goal, I want to meet it head-on. It's not about perfection for me. It's about determination and doing what in my heart, I know I can do, not settling for less, and not being half-arsed about it.

My two cents...

I struggled with this when I first started out, was so confused on who to listen to on what I "should" weigh for my height, age etc. Eventually I decided to go for 150lbs, my lowest weight in high school and I felt good at that weight. That is about 10lbs over for my height according to different calculators online which says 140 is the highest I can weigh.

I may change my mind when I get to 150 though I doubt it because I plan to try lowering my bodyfat, gain muscle with heavy lifting and etc.

See, this is where I think there needs to be a balance between aiming high while still appreciating your current status. I think it's possible to have both. It's not easy, but it's something I've been working on...