Where to start...well, I'm not going to lie, I am completely obsessed with being thin. It has consumed my life for years. I have this irrational idea that if I become skinny, I will be pretty. And when I am pretty I will be happy. I know it's not true, but I continue to hold on to this belief. My sister is absolutely gorgeous, 5'9" and 120 pounds, size 4. I have grown up in her shadow my entire life and would give anything to be attractive like her. I guess this is where I should mention I am 5'5" and 190lbs, size 12/14.
I have been yoyo dieting since grade 9 (age 15). I am now 22. My life is completely consumed by the fact that I want to be considered attractive. I constantly feel inadequate, and ashamed of myself purely based on my looks. The funny thing is I am quite confident in my personality, 'smarts', and other aspects of my life. However, my weight has been a constant struggle and stops me from being happy. I go from extreme to extreme of perfectly healthy eating to bingeing on anything in front of me. So not healthy. Last year I was so desperate to lose weight for my sisters wedding that I starved myself for a month. Then I became obsessed with working out. I lost 30 lbs over the course of 2 months and, sadly, was the happiest I've ever been. I've only gained 5 lbs back since, but I know that was not healthy, and also not maintainable. So, I am desperately trying to do everything the healthy way. I know that I will need a lot of outside support to keep my accountable and more importantly, inspired to reach my goal...hopefully I can find this here!
Let the games begin!
COCO ~ to another Canuck; glad you joined us here. You can get a lot of encouragement & support here. You don't really need to obsess about your weight; nor be jealous of your sister. You could easily lose 30 lbs this year without starving. That way, you will be less likely to gain it back.
