Hi,

I have thought along time about how I would write this thread, so I am just going to start. I have been struggling with my weight since I was a child. I lost 150 lbs when I was 35. I was probably close to 200 when I graduated high school and am now 50 and over 300lb. When I look back at all the years of being heavy and all of "life" I have missed out on I am disappointed
in myself BIG TIME. I am heart-broken and ashamed when I think that "if" I could of kept the weight off when I was 35 what a different life I may of had now? I am taking medication, three types, all brought on by the extra weight-diabetes, high blood pressure and chlosterol. Also, I have let relationships go, isolated myself, keep a cluttered house, yard, car and (head). When I look back on my life, I think it was pure madness not to have gotten my head out of my a** and LIVE!

I, also, was sooo naive about the prejudice that comes with being this heavy. I think I knew it all along but there have been a few instances that have really "brought me to my knees". I went through the same drive-thru a couple times and the girl said to her co-worker that I looked like a Walrus. My
neck does look pretty hideous. I know that I am far from the only one out there but I have been kidding myself about it and not letting it get to me but I know it is there. There are other instances but the Walrus one is the newest and probably most painful. I think this should help me to change but......

I tried OA, as I use food to self-medicate in a BIG way, but it was not for me but I do know it is a wonderful program for alot of folks. The one thing that hit home for me though was that you have to admit your life with food is unmanageable, which I know mine is, but I still have my head in the sand.
To sum up I am sooo broken hearted at letting myself get to this point and also I mourn for the lost time. Time I could of used to hopefully made more of myself. I guess some people remake themselves at 50 but I want to go back in a time machine to 35 and have that extra fifteen years-LOL.

Most people and online articles state to take small steps but I sometime get very,very discouraged with the huge mess I've made.

Any advice or tips. Anyone recreated your life and made it stick ??

Thank You so much for listening!!

Bonnie

Hi Bonnie.. Had me in tears in my office...

HUG !!!

I really don't think I can comment on recreating your life but I am sure you can do it !! Belief is a big factor and there are people out there that believe in you too!! - I am still trying to make my life so I don't miss out on the things.

50 is the new 35 !!! If we take a few years just to push to the point where we want to be we can have loads of years waiting for us!!! Instead of the other way around...

That Comment she made that stupid girl- Please ignore!! I have been there with the name calling...Someone Shouted out their car at me on a night out! That is not that point where you Go you know what I want to go jog and eat salad!! So don't beat yourself up over that!

I wish I could give you the right words to make everything just happen for you... just try remember when you were at your happiest and aim for that point... Accept Your Age, Accept what has happened and accept Change!!

I Believe in you! I want this to happen for you!

Please Believe in yourself.

HUG

Please don't get discouraged! As long as you draw breath you can make changes to improve your situation, especially with weight. There is SO much hope and I want to encourage you that it is possible to not only lose large amounts of weight, but permanently keep it off.

Do you have a plan in mind or a way of eating you prefer? If not, try something simple. Write down what and how much you eat for a week, get used to logging your food and calories. Don't make a concerted effort to cut anything, just see where you land.

Once you have that established, cut your daily calories by 500 or so per day to start out with. Simple changes like one less serving of a main course or swapping out chips and soda (if you eat them, they're just an example) for roasted veggies or a nice, crunchy apple. Small swaps and exchanges are simple change to make but easily drop your calories.

Try to eat mindfully and be aware of how you are feeling as you eat and if it is real hunger or emotionally/boredom driven. This was a big one for me, stopping eating when I am not hungry and replacing it with something else. Hard to do, but SO necessary.

Whatever plan you pick, please let me encourage you to stick to it like glue for no less than three months. Give it an honest shot, your very best effort, and I guarantee you won't regret the effort.

Improving simple things about your diet and cutting out some of the excess food shouldn't be a painful start, especially given how miserable you sound right now! But every journey had to begin somewhere, right? You can do this and mend your health AND heart, you are worth it and deserve your happiness and a functioning body. You do NOT deserve to be mocked, called names, or shamed, and don't you let yourself buy into that. Forget past weight failures, move forward from all those hurts you've been medicating, do the hard and necessary work of clearing out your head and not using food when you need a hug, scream, or hobby. It's not easy, it doesn't happen overnight, but there are dozens of people here on 3FC, myself included, who have lost and kept off our weight. There is all the hope in the world and you couldn't have picked a better day to start than today!

Bonnie, I just wanted to send you oodles and oodles of hugs! I'm so sorry you're struggling like this! I think that weight loss is mostly a mind issue and I hope you'll find a way to get past those obstacles. If I might suggest, please don't focus on the past....unless you can review it and learn from it. Negative feelings don't tend to lead to success. First, you must love yourself. Second, you should commit to a plan. Don't look for motivation. It comes and goes. Look for a plan you can live with. Stop rushing toward weight loss. It takes plenty of time and it's not a predictable process. You can sometimes do everything "right," but the scale won't move. You just keep at it. You're WORTH IT! Please stick to it and stick around and post. You really can do it!!!

Ugh, people can just be horrible! Those comments about it deep even if you try not to take them to heart. Be happy that you recognize your problem and set some mini goals. It helps to break up my weight loss into 5 pound increments because thinking about losing 100 pounds can seem impossible. Try small healthier decisions, park further away, etc. We are all in this together! Like others have said-work on the emotional eating if that is what you do... I still struggle with this and there is no easy fix... identity and intervene if you can. *hugs*again

I'm so so sorry to hear your story, Bonnie. The girl that insulted you like that is a prime example of human nature at its worse. You seem like a great person inside, and when it all boils down to everything, that is what matters. Looks fade, but personality does not. 50 years have passed but look forward to the other 50 years ahead of you. It is never too late to start anew and I'm sure many members here would tell you the same. Stop living your life full of regrets, instead, look ahead and plan a better, healthier lifestyle.

Hi Bonnie,
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I understand the regret of the feeling of "losing out" while being overweight. I've felt the same way. But this is the year it is changing. Next month and next year WILL come, and we have to choose if we want to meet them in the same condition or healthier and happier. It's easy to wait until "tomorrow" or "next year," but NOW is the time to reverse it. Since I've been heavy last few years, I've lost energy and motivation. I'm sure that's where your "clutter" has come from, just from a lack of energy and lack of caring. As you lose weight and exercise, your energy will return. Mine is improving with only 24 pounds gone so far. As for your meds, those conditions are likely all reversible with the proper diet, weight and exercise. One day at a time, you can do this. Make it a lifestyle change. Even though you can't get back the last 15 years, you can make the next 15, and 30, and beyond, be very different, healthy happy years. You can do this! It's a long road, and there will be tough days and some setbacks, but look at the final goal--where do you want to be in 2 years. You have a lot of living still to do!

Hi Bonnie,
I'm kind of new here but I just wanted to say you have so much to look forward to!! It's hard not to become discouraged. First, I want to say that how others treat people says a tremendous amount about THEIR own character and personal issues. If you are confident and happy and a person with integrity, you will feel no need to lower someone else to make yourself look better. Second, I think sometimes when we look at the big picture of where we want to go it can definitely be overwhelming and discouraging. I have a habit of looking to my past and wondering how I could've changed things and how things could've been different if I'd only... But .. I know that I did the best I could with what I had at that time and I have to respect my choices and love and nurture that person who was most likely going through a lot of pain. I hope you can look back and realize that too.

But maybe more importantly is how you see yourself now. You are still going through a lot, but there's a part of you that wants and sees a light at the end of the tunnel. And it's there and possible to get to. You will still have those days where its dark and it seems like nothing has happened and things will never change, but you have to squash those LIES, dust yourself off, get back up..and keep moving! For me, prayer and reading the Bible helps a lot, I still have days where I'm like ughhh not feelin it lol but it's a process and the goal is to make the most out of everyday.

I hope this helps some. Better days ARE ahead!!

Suzan

A big HUG to you.

You've gotten some great advice already. YOU CAN DO IT. It will be overwhelming but try as hard as you can to just take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Many of us have felt that same 'I just can't do it' feeling and it is oh so heavy, but it can be overcome. Have faith in yourself!!! Coming here and making this first post is a sign that you want it, even if just a little. Success does not come overnight...it's something that we all have to work on everyday. You deserve to have that healthy happy life you crave.

Bonnie

It is never to late! I know as a life long fat man with numerous ups and downs in my weight but the ups were always higher than the downs. January 2011 I was 66 years old, weighed 317 lbs and was gaining daily. I had totally given up hope and was totally depressed. I knew that I would die early and fat.

I had tried and failed at so many diets over the years. Then I made the most important decision of my lifetime. I decided not to give up but to try one last time. That was when I found the 3FC forum and all of the wonderful, supportive people here. I now think of them as close friends.

A year later at 67 years young I am at 210 lbs having lost 107 lbs and more important then the weight loss is that with the help of my new friends at 3FC I have lost my depression. Today I love life, I love to ride my bicycle down the street, I love to garden and do yard work. I have been given a new chance because I did not give up.

You can do this and we can help, I know that you have been on 3FC since 2009 but remember you are not alone in this struggle.

"No one can go back and start over, but anyone can start from now and create a new ending"

Larry

Don't give up Bonnie! Larry's a perfect example that it's possible! I didn't start making healthy choices till I was over 50 and it's made such a huge difference in my life.

I know it seems impossible and that even small changes won't make a difference - but they will. And while we can't go back and live our pasts more intelligently we can choose to make those same changes NOW so our future is brighter. You can do it!

Dear Bonnie:
first of all.... !!!

You're HERE. You've admitted you have a food problem & that you want to lose the weight. Congrats! - cause that's HALF the battle! In order to make changes, we must first discover & admit what it is we need to change.

You said you tried OA & it wasn't really for you. How about TOPS? Or WW? - it seems to me that you DO need some support in your efforts, and being here is certainly a good first step. Second step is to MAKE A PLAN. Decide what kind of diet would work best for you. For instance, if you LOVE carbs, then something like Atkins probably isn't going to be a good diet for you. I have found that trying to make myself NOT LIKE something that I absolutely LOVE is just failure waiting to happen. The opposite is also true - you can't make yourself like something that you just don't like. So if you HATE grapefruit, then going on a grapefruit diet probably ain't gonna cut it for ya! (NOTE: I'm not saying you can't learn to like different foods; just making a point.)

Once you decide what kind of diet you can live with long-term (because it's not just about "losing weight" as you already know... it's also about maintenance) then you can implement a plan. Same goes for some kind of exercise. If you hate running, you probably won't become a sprinter anytime soon. If you hate exercising with a bunch of people, you probably won't enjoy a rumba class. So figure out what you like/are interested in, & go from there.

The most important thing I can stress is that you need to forget "what you should have done at age 35." That's done, it's over, it ain't coming back, you cannot do the time-machine shuffle. That kind of thinking is detrimental to the progress you want to make - STARTING RIGHT NOW. You can go on & on about what you should have done 15 years ago, but it's much more helpful to put your mental energy into what you want to be 15 years FROM NOW.

Good luck to you - & come here often. Let this be the place where you rant, rave, cuss, fuss, cry, lament. Let this be the place where you get ideas, support, uplifting advice, and cheers for your successes. We're all here for the same reason!

Hi, Bonnie - I'm glad you posted. I'm over 60. I was approaching 60 last year when I decided to make a lot of changes. I think our age is to our advantage. Give an older person a challenge and I think they try extra hard to make it through.

You mentioned clutter. Boy, can I relate! A few years ago I decided (at my highest weight) that the closets, junk, etc., just had to be dealt with. I've lived in the same house for 35 years. Lots of stuff accumulates. I had a roof leak about 6 years ago that did a bit of damage in the attic that got me cleaning out up there. That was the first step. I had 28 black (lawn and leaf bags) garbage bags to haul out of there. That sounds like a lot, (OK - it IS a lot!) but it amounted to 1 bag per year for the years I lived here. Think of that - just one bag a year that I should have dealt with but didn't. It added up to stress every time I went up there. Now that stress is gone. The closets are better - they'll never be perfect. But all this is to say that getting one thing under control leads to getting lots of things under control.

Start big on the healthy eating. I say forget about baby steps! Make as many changes for the good as you can, and keep evolving. And tackle one small project at the same time - a closet, one cupboard, one dresser drawer. And just don't stop. Keep it up and you'll see just how good it feels to be in control.

I ran into the father of one of my daughter's friends today - he's lost 100 pounds in the past year and is off all his diabetes meds now. He told me it was really hard for him at first, but after he got into a routine, everything fell into place. I could say the same about me. And just stop worrying about being 50! Heck, my young friends are 50! Life is so worth living in a healthy body. You can do this. You know we're all here for you. Hang in there - it gets better.

Lin

You are fifty, going on thirty
It is to The time to think.

Yes baby, you can do it. I am 60 and I achieved my weight at 30 in one year.
I was always cooking healthy meals. But, the mistake I made was eating too much complex carbs.
You go to doctor and make a decision with his hep and stick to it like glue. Before your 51 st birth day you will start loving your body.

Your post touched my heart. We are here for you. I'm very new here but I feel very supported. We will support you as well. Please stay hopeful. The girl in the drive through was unaware of the pain she was causing. Forgive her. As Jesus says, she knows not what she does.