Random, but MUCH needed rant.
 

So, I was on facebook. Wasting time when I should be sleeping. And I see this status that my own sister thought was hilarious.

"I think its so funny when fat b****** always try an act like they ain't hungry when you offer them food!"

I'm not entirely sure why, but it just INFURIATED me! Well, I am sure why. I know there have been times that I have rejected offers of food for fear of what it would look like to other people. And that insecurity, for it to be picked on. It's just ridiculous. And to think it's "so funny". Furthermore, this specific person is overweight themselves and is trying to lose weight. I just don't understand the hearts of some people. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I just had to get it out.

-Rant over-

Do you guys have to put up with heartless trash like this on a daily basis? I know I do.

The over weight person who wrote this is probably just trying to make them self feel better. But you are right, that is horrible. Even I am annoyed with that comment and it wasn't my family member who laughed at it! Some people just never grow up.

I have SO been there. Even now... when I ate my complete lunch out at a restaurant last week with co-workers (instead of, for instance, saving half of it for later), I worried what they would think.

What an awful comment, and it's sad that anyone found it funny.

Yea.. they are everywhere!! I hear obese jokes everyday, not sure if those people realize that I am technically obese but it is hard not to get visibly upset.
I refuse food in public at times and some people will ask again to make sure-not sure if if it has to do with the idea that fat people are always hungry?? Hugs
I find the world is a pretty heartless place and it gets discouraging.

My sister insults skinny people all the time and then she'll say stuff like OMG don't let me be 300 lbs or "well I guess I shouldn't judge this person because I"M not obese"
Yes I get it you are not obese. Nor are you "scrawny."
People who make out of line comments about other people usually do it to draw attention away from the flaws in their own bodies.

I have a family member that is overweight, but not obese. It makes her feel better when she insults obese people. Her favorite thing to say is "OH MY GOD! Did you see that man/woman? If i ever get that fat please shoot me. I wouldnt even want to live."

Then she goes on about how it looks disgusting, and how its disgusting to even see them eat.

Its cruel and unnecessary and it irritates me. I can relate.

Ugh. Sometimes I get so indignant about the stupidity of some people it makes me hate them. When fat guys hate on fat women (and yes, I've seen it happen firsthand) I feel like punching them in the head; it makes me that angry.

And I feel for you, OP: My sister's husband makes disgusting comments about larger people, and unfortunately is one of those guys who'll yell out insults at a fat woman as he drives past them -- and while I'm in the car, too!

OK, I'm a bit of a dissenting voice here. I think there's such a thing as taking ourselves too seriously. When people make jokes about fat people, they're not necessarily being cruel, and sometimes there's a kernel of truth in the joke (which is what makes it amusing).

A while back, when I was at Starbucks, an extremely obese woman ordered a cookie and made a point of telling the server that "it's for my husband." I have to admit that I did find it amusing and told my kids about it. If I were to do the same thing (justify a large order of food to a server or waiter) and then found out that someone had joked about it, I don't think I'd be offended.

JMHO Freelance

I don't know, I just find that kind of sad. That she was obviously so self-conscious and anxious about ordering food that she felt the need to justify it. And yeah, when people make fun of larger people, I'm sure they do find it really amusing. But it's not. It's just pointing the finger at less fortunate people and finding an excuse to laugh at them for their flaws. There's nothing funny about that, particularly when the person being laughed at is not in on the joke.

Your point is well taken. That said, I don't take offense if someone pokes fun at me for one of my foibles or even gossips about me. I consider it part of human nature and expect people to do it.

F.

You might feel differently, however, if you weighed 300 pounds and lack the self esteem that you currently have! ;)

:mad:There is nothing that I hate more than that. The thing is I used to do it myself. :o I would never say anything out loud but I sure would think it. Like watching the woman at Walmart slipping Queen Size panty hose into her basket on the sly and saying to myself "If I ever get that big...". Well, now I am that big and I am so totally ashamed of myself for thinking that way! My husband makes fat people jokes all the time. It really does a number on me. And if I bring it up he doesn't deny I'm big but he'll say "At least you're working on it." How does he know that other large people aren't working on it, too!

Even though it's one of the things I hate I've been trying to develop a thicker skin. You just have to. Shame and anger isn't going to produce permanent weightloss if it produces any weightloss at all.

In my experience, people who say things like that about others are insecure about themselves for one reason or another and that is how they make themselves feel better.
I think it's sad that comments like that are made..not just about obese people, but about anyone. I wish we could all just live and let live.

My sister is about 100 lbs. On Pinterest the other day she pinned a pin that said "If you spent as much time working out as you did pinning to your weight loss inspiration board you wouldn't be so fat". She has never ever insulted me because of my weight, and I'm sure it wasn't directed at me, but it really hurt my feelings. People are insensitive tools sometimes.

And I have definitely been there turning down food even when I was hungry because I didn't want to look like a cow. Fat or not, it was a rude comment to make!

I actually can't stand crap like this, mostly because most of the time when they ask and I say no, I am genuinely NOT HUNGRY. I hate it when people assume that just because I'm fat that means I eat at any given opportunity to eat. I eat when I'm hungry -- that's just about it. My weight has nothing to do with it.

I am self-conscious about what I eat in public, comes from a life time of low self esteem and fear of hearing comments just like that. People who write such crap are cowards, they probably wouldn't have the b*lls to say it to the person's face..and if they did, they are even worse human beings.

^^^THIS!!!^^^

I think we have become a society of namby-pamby cry-babies.
"Waaaah - somebody hurt my feelings... unintentionally! - but still, Waaah, I say, Waaah!!"

I'm not saying that nobody has ever said anything that has hurt me, or that I have never been hurt by someone's crappy comment, or that I myself have never said something "hurtful" that someone got upset about.

What I'm saying is that people say things - sometimes horrible things -and people's feelings get hurt all the time. Sometimes ignoring it is truly the best way to handle it. And if the comment is directed at you, then at least have a good-snappy comeback - preferably a comical one. NEVER LET'M SEE YOU SWEAT kind of mentality, that's my stance. ;)

And I am guilty of saying things like "If i ever get that fat please shoot me. I wouldn't even want to live." - because I was horribly unhappy with myself when I was at 192 lb. I cannot imagine living with myself at 300, 400, 500+ pounds. Which is why I HAVE A DEEP ADMIRATION FOR THE PEOPLE HERE SO MUCH who are very obese & are working to lose the weight. They are doing something that I honestly do not think I could do.

Oh, and BTW, I have bought MANY food items that were "for my husband" - and they truly WERE for him. I don't care for Cadbury Easter Eggs. (or "peanut butter goo-goo ice cream, LOL) Yuck. Too rich! - but he loves them. And I don't care if anyone thinks I'm lying or whatever about it. I know they're for him, not me, so big fat hairy deal! Of course, those bags of BBQ Fritos are another story. ;) :D

Like a few others here, I generally have an un-PC sense of humor. And with the few people that I know get it, and would not be offended, I would be the kind of person to laugh at all types of insensitive things.
However...

I would never post this on facebook, or "like" such a post. Only my very close friends know how wicked my sense of humor can be, and I am careful not to be that way towards other because a statement like the one you said in the OP, can be very hurtful for people.
Putting it on FB was wrong in my opinion. Had they made the joke in the privacy of their own home, then that would be different, IMO.


I wanted to add that yesterday, my husband and I were at Walmart and I bought a blood sugar monitor, with the strips and all, because I am concerned about both our post prandial sugars...we also needed honey so we had like the super econo-sized honey and then we bought candy from the check out...my husband and I were laughing hysterically at our order. (And he's obese) Because we had diabetic supplies right next to honey and candy we were buying. While diabetes is not funny, we couldn't help but laugh. And had someone else noticed and laughed, how could we get offended? :)

Feelings are feelings. If something hurts your feelings it still hurts whether or not other people don't think it should. Good for the people who have thick skin. I've always had a pet peeve about people who think everyone should feel the same way they do. I, personally, don't have thick skin. I never have. I used to think it was a flaw, but you know what, it's not, it's just me. I don't think society should tip toe around me, but I, and everyone else, certainly have the right to feel however they feel. And I don't think that makes someone a cry baby. Making fun of people, of any kind, is rude and shows a lack of character.

It depends on where its done. I think doing it infront of someone is mean. But if the person never knows, who cares? And you should be careful when you judge what actions are "lack or character". To me, being thin skinned shows lack of character. We all have our opinions.

In the instance in question it was done on a public forum, not behind someone's back. IMO just because someone doesn't know about something doesn't make it right.

And you're right, we all have our opinions. And yours just now insulted me, which I guess means I have a lack of character according to you. But I have never met someone decent who thought making fun of people was actually a good thing to do, a character building method, or one that maintains one's character. Ya, we've all done it, personally I'm not proud of it, it's not something that makes me feel good when I do it. That I think, for me, shows more character than the fact that I don't have thick skin.

@GlamourGirl827 - I apologize if you took my comment as a personal attack, as it wasn't intended to be one. I take it that you did take it as one since you attacked me personally in your response.

I wouldn't say being thin skinned shows lack of character. If anything it shows empathy and compassion. There are extents to where you have to be thick skinned and not let things get to you, but never letting anything in isn't good for yourself and doesn't help you cope with the judgments of others and of yourself. I suppose we wholeheartedly disagree on that subject. Everyone has their opinions, this I completely understand. I suppose I just didn't realize that literally laughing at someones misfortune at turning down food from either insecurities or dieting or even just not being hungry is "so funny". And if I saw someone buying diabetic materials alongside candy, that is their business. Obviously, they know they have diabetes or are monitoring their blood sugar, so why judge and laugh at them? To me it's pointless.

People are vile and unkind. It is one of the reasons I left Facebook, even among friends and family there was nastiness and negativity I just didn't need. I'm not overly PC, but I absolutely believe speech is for building others up, not tearing them down, and I look down my nose at those who make jokes at the expense of others.

It's just unnecessary. I don't abide it and it's a behavior I've tried to eliminate in myself. I can control my tongue enough to not hurt others for my own pleasure and amusement!

I think we've all laughed in private or with close friends at things we would never joke about in public. No matter what weight we are, we've thought, "at least I'm not as big as so-and-so." I've often commented that if I ever got too big to get out of bed, people better stop bringing me food. But I'd never put it on FB. And I really hate the word"disgusting" in this usage. When my DD was little, she had a friend that was a very picky eater who called everything my daughter ate "disgusting.". I told her on many occasions that we did not ever use that word to describe things just because we didn't like them. It goes here, too. We are not disgusting. I can't tell you how much I hate that word.

Lin

Wow. There is a lot of very strong, emotional fueled words on both sides of this issue.

My stance is this: Have I judged? Yes. Do I try to limit it or correct myself when I realize it? Of course. But I do not judge the person judging because I am not perfect myself. Alerting them that their statement is insensitive would be appropriate however. What they do with it shows what kind of person they are and, depending on the circumstances, whether I want to be around them.

We can't always help how we feel when things suddenly come up on us, but we can choose how to react. I hope you feel better for the rant. :hug:

No, I don't have to deal with that on a DAILY basis but I know it happens.

There's not anything I can say to excuse it -- mean is mean. You don't have to like fat people. You may even wonder why they decline food when you offer. Valid enough.

But to top it with the " fat b-----" cherry on top is just not necessary. What did they do to hurt you? Give you the "thanks, not hungry" social niceties? How terrible!

You rather they jump up and scream "MY GOD ! Your cooking is FOUL and gives me the HOT RAGING TROTS! NEVER offer me anything of yours!" instead? Sheesh! :rolleyes:

There are some relatives and friends I have who use FB like bizarro therapy or something. Dumping all kinds of crap out in public I'd NEVER post on my own wall. I don't need to see a stream of volatile so I just "hid" them or marked them down to "Only important posts."

That's always an option if the original comment maker or your sister is in the habit of posting stuff that brings you down. Some people we can just break up with. Others we're kinda stuck with (ex: relatives) and the best that can be done is to "minimize" them.

GL!
A.

I haven't left Facebook, but have severely cut down and log in maybe once a week instead of several times a day. People on there get downright depressing with their negativity and especially their passive-aggressiveness. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I got with one of my old friends a few months back . . . she posted something particularly nasty on her wall about me. I've completely ignored it in that I refuse to take the bait and react like she wants, but I'm not about to forget it anytime soon.

I hit the drive-thru at McDonald's maybe a year ago upon my husband's request for breakfast. I didn't even give much thought to making my usual order at the time; 3 egg mcmuffins, 3 sausage mcmuffins with egg, 1 large sprite. Just one of the egg mcmuffins was for me, everything else was for him. As the lady was handing me the food, she said, "You must have company over?" Feeling very confused, I was like, "What?" She rolled her eyes and motioned towards the bag. I laughed and said they were just for me and my husband. And as she was shutting the window, she said, "Oh, so that's why you only got yourself one drink," and I could see her turn to some other employees and giggle through the glass.

It took me another moment to realize that it looked like all 6 of those sandwiches were for me since there was only one drink (I rarely drink soda but my husband rarely doesn't). Hey, it was early and I wasn't awake yet! :p I'm sure no amount of explaining would have convinced her otherwise, but really, what's the point? People are going to believe whatever they want anyway. Yes, I'm obese. No, it doesn't automatically mean that every bit of food I buy is for myself and that I need to lie out of embarrassment over it. Honestly, I hate that anyone would make an assumption about me just because of my weight. They don't know how I got to where I am today, and frankly, it's none of their business.

I used to be that way my whole life. I was thin and lean for several years when i was younger, and i befriended a girl who was rather obese. I used to say to myself secretly "oh my god, she is so fat, i will never get that fat"....and you know what? It bit me in the a$$ one day cause look at me now..im bigger than her..karma people..karma.

Elladorine, that's very unprofessional of them. If that ever happens again, do go in and speak with a manager if you can. There are standards of professionalism for food service, even fast food chain franchises, and questioning/judging/mocking a customer with other employees isn't acceptable in the slightest. No matter your weight or reason, if the food was for you or NOT, they have no right or reason to say so and are harassing you. I am NO PC police but they absolutely need to be reprimanded for representing their company poorly to paying customers, among other things.

Well, I commend the members here who say they wouldn't be offended if someone called them fat, or possibly other personal trivial insults..here's to their thick skin...but to encourage a 'hardyharhar' about it from one's children is pretty offensive to me. And not something I would ever, ever expect from a 3FC member.

Question, what does "PC" mean? Politically correct?? Just trying to understand some of the posts what that term in them !

I'm sure your sister didn't want to be mean, she probably didn't think you'd feel offended, that's why she laughed. Overweight people are very insecure about their bodies, and perhaps this was some sort of self-irony meant to create an illusion of confidence "I'm so comfortable with my own appearance that I don't mind making jokes about people who are overweight". Some people are just like that, you should just ignore them, just as you'd ignore any other rude remark.

Sounds like something my sister would say (or one of my brothers) and those are time I wonder, "How did we come from the same womb? How do we have the same parents and upbringing and yet are so completely different?"

Yes, politically correct ;). I generally believe people should lighten up and take responsibility for their own offense, not blame shift their emotions to the people they accuse of evoking them. Too often, especially online, people call 'foul' over every little thing instead of just rolling their eyes and ignoring rudeness or comments they disagree with.

But at the same time, what is gained by a course, rude society? We already act like boars as is, I'd rather that not be encouraged and I refuse to take part. Humor in the correct context (private, for the most part) is fine, but intentionally engaging in or encouraging the mocking of another person is disgusting. What on earth is gained in such discourse?

That particular day I was sooo caught off-guard by the comment that I drove home completely dumb-founded. I really should have stepped inside and asked to speak with a manager, but I was also much more of a wimp then. :lol: These days I'm much more likely to approach a manager over any unprofessional issue when it comes to customer service, weight-related or not.

I was ordering at Denny's the other day and asked for the Fit Slam. The waitress seriously asked me like five times if I wanted fries instead of the fruit, as if she was concerned I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Had she asked me just once I might have just found it odd and brushed it off, but repeating herself several times when I made it clear that yes, I wanted the fruit, and then overhearing her argue with the next table over what a healthy choice supposedly was (and being completely wrong about it), I spoke to the manager upon leaving. Her job is to take orders, not inflict her issues with food upon her customers. :lol:

This is so not true. It shows that maybe you haven't had to endure the same difficulties.

I was obese my entire childhood, and over weight through highschool. I was also poor. The kind of poor that we lived in a shelter when I was in 5 th grade, I wore donated church clothes, and never had what the other kids had. (When I was old enough to work, I was able to buy clothes, and things imroved for us financially about midway through high school.) None the less I was ridiculed endlessly about my weight and appearance, and about being the poor kid. I don't talk much on this site about my background, but my mother was mentally ill and very physically abusive, and my dad, was never around, because I guess he just wanted to be away from her. Most of the friends I grew up with ended up on drugs or in jail, dropped out of school and who knows what. I could not go home crying to my mommy, and crying myself to sleep over being harassed daily at school, or the nasty things my mother would say to me, because I would have spent everyday paralysed with sadness.
A lot of being thick skinned, for me, was learned because I had to be thick skinned. But believe me, it has no reflection on how compassionate I am or my ability to be empathetic. But I don't expect people who haven't walked in my shoes to understand that.

And what I'd been through has built a lot of character and has made me strong, or at least taught me how to act strong when I need to be. I see being thin skinned as a lack of that character. It says to me that the person has always had the luxury of taking the time and energy to hurt over hurtful things. I think it shows weakness, just as you think it shows compassion and empathy. (And being thicked skin shows lack of?? IDK)

And just as I should not judge a person (or their character) that gets emotionally wounded over things that I feel are not hurtful, nor should a thick skinned person (or their character) be judged.
Lockitup, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to prove a point. I'm sorry it came across as hurtful.

Also, in my experience, children from disfunction homes that may have less than ideal parents (like myself) seem to be more thicked skinned. (Please, I know this might not be everyone, I'm not trying to generalize, it just my experience) And to this day, my tougher friends, the ones that didn't come from happy homes, seem to have a ruder sense of humor. We poke fun at each other, and let it roll off our backs. We don't get our feelings hurt easily. But the friends I've made later in life that came from more comforting homes seem more sensitive. Not saying this is scientifically proven, just my life observation.

But that being said, I don't make fun of people to their face, I don't even do it in ear shot. I don't get pleasure from being mean to others. I find humor in pointing out funny and ironic things in real life. Maybe when your life sucks you have to learn to find the sucky things funny or else you'll get really discouraged...???

I think you're really generalizing here in saying that people who are easily hurt are all pampered babies who should suck it up and just get on with it. I disagree.

I consider myself to be pretty thick-skinned. I take nothing lying down and refuse to be belittled by others. I also had a pretty rough childhood: my father was emotionally and physically abusive, my mother was mentally ill, and I was taken away from my parents, for my own safety, when I was twelve and placed in a series of foster homes.

Throughout the course of my life I've met a number of people who have been through emotional and physical trauma and come out alive. Some of them are strong and some of them are not. Everyone is different. I know people who are very sensitive and easily hurt who did not, as you put it, always have the "luxury" of ruminating over hurtful things. Being sensitive to scorn sometimes means these people are so broken down, after a lifetime of abuse and ridicule, that every little thing just piles up to make them feel so depressed and useless that all they can do is mope: they can't find the strength to fight back or defend themselves.

It's great that you're strong after having had to survive what you did. But others aren't so lucky. Some survivors just come out of their experiences broken.

I think we all may have different definitions of think skinned, thin skinned, character, luxury, and strength. Knowing this, I still will never, no matter what someone's background consists of, think it's ok to ridicule/make fun of an unwilling/unknowing person, whether it's in front of them or behind their backs.

One of those things I guess I will have to agree to disagree on.

P.S. I'm tough as NAILS, have the strength of an OX, and have been through a lot of tough crap in my life too. Just because I'm a sensitive person does NOT mean I'm not strong as all get out, doesn't mean I cry in my room when something upsets me, or that I dwell on it or mope around feeling sorry for myself. And I hope to raise my 2 kids to be nice people who are allowed to feel however they feel without fear of being viewed as weak by their mother, or their father for that matter. And I hope to the good Lord that they never think it's ok to make fun of people, whether or not it's in front of them or behind their back.

Developing mechanisms for dealing with hurtful events or actions (becoming thicker skinned) doesn't mean that it's okay for someone else to be mean or hurtful towards me. It just means that, eventually, I have the ultimate control (which is empowering actually). Negative things are going to happen. It's not right, and not okay, but it will happen. :(

re:
 

All you can really do with people who say/do hurtful things is ignore it. You're not going to change them, no matter how much you'd like to.

All you really can do is if you DO have control over someone (I'm thinking your own kids here) is to teach them how hurtful it is to make fun of people, and hopefully - no guarantees - they'll have a bit more common sense.


edited to add a note: If that someone doing hurtful things is supposed to be servicing you, as in the McDonald's example, then yes you CAN do something. I'm pretty darn sure I would have been on the phone with the manager or corporate for that one.