I'm sure your sister didn't want to be mean, she probably didn't think you'd feel offended, that's why she laughed. Overweight people are very insecure about their bodies, and perhaps this was some sort of self-irony meant to create an illusion of confidence "I'm so comfortable with my own appearance that I don't mind making jokes about people who are overweight". Some people are just like that, you should just ignore them, just as you'd ignore any other rude remark.
Sounds like something my sister would say (or one of my brothers) and those are time I wonder, "How did we come from the same womb? How do we have the same parents and upbringing and yet are so completely different?"
Question, what does "PC" mean? Politically correct?? Just trying to understand some of the posts what that term in them !
Yes, politically correct . I generally believe people should lighten up and take responsibility for their own offense, not blame shift their emotions to the people they accuse of evoking them. Too often, especially online, people call 'foul' over every little thing instead of just rolling their eyes and ignoring rudeness or comments they disagree with.
But at the same time, what is gained by a course, rude society? We already act like boars as is, I'd rather that not be encouraged and I refuse to take part. Humor in the correct context (private, for the most part) is fine, but intentionally engaging in or encouraging the mocking of another person is disgusting. What on earth is gained in such discourse?
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 03-29-2012 at 05:17 PM.
Elladorine, that's very unprofessional of them. If that ever happens again, do go in and speak with a manager if you can. There are standards of professionalism for food service, even fast food chain franchises, and questioning/judging/mocking a customer with other employees isn't acceptable in the slightest. No matter your weight or reason, if the food was for you or NOT, they have no right or reason to say so and are harassing you. I am NO PC police but they absolutely need to be reprimanded for representing their company poorly to paying customers, among other things.
That particular day I was sooo caught off-guard by the comment that I drove home completely dumb-founded. I really should have stepped inside and asked to speak with a manager, but I was also much more of a wimp then. These days I'm much more likely to approach a manager over any unprofessional issue when it comes to customer service, weight-related or not.
I was ordering at Denny's the other day and asked for the Fit Slam. The waitress seriously asked me like five times if I wanted fries instead of the fruit, as if she was concerned I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Had she asked me just once I might have just found it odd and brushed it off, but repeating herself several times when I made it clear that yes, I wanted the fruit, and then overhearing her argue with the next table over what a healthy choice supposedly was (and being completely wrong about it), I spoke to the manager upon leaving. Her job is to take orders, not inflict her issues with food upon her customers.
I wouldn't say being thin skinned shows lack of character. If anything it shows empathy and compassion. .
This is so not true. It shows that maybe you haven't had to endure the same difficulties.
I was obese my entire childhood, and over weight through highschool. I was also poor. The kind of poor that we lived in a shelter when I was in 5 th grade, I wore donated church clothes, and never had what the other kids had. (When I was old enough to work, I was able to buy clothes, and things imroved for us financially about midway through high school.) None the less I was ridiculed endlessly about my weight and appearance, and about being the poor kid. I don't talk much on this site about my background, but my mother was mentally ill and very physically abusive, and my dad, was never around, because I guess he just wanted to be away from her. Most of the friends I grew up with ended up on drugs or in jail, dropped out of school and who knows what. I could not go home crying to my mommy, and crying myself to sleep over being harassed daily at school, or the nasty things my mother would say to me, because I would have spent everyday paralysed with sadness.
A lot of being thick skinned, for me, was learned because I had to be thick skinned. But believe me, it has no reflection on how compassionate I am or my ability to be empathetic. But I don't expect people who haven't walked in my shoes to understand that.
And what I'd been through has built a lot of character and has made me strong, or at least taught me how to act strong when I need to be. I see being thin skinned as a lack of that character. It says to me that the person has always had the luxury of taking the time and energy to hurt over hurtful things. I think it shows weakness, just as you think it shows compassion and empathy. (And being thicked skin shows lack of?? IDK)
And just as I should not judge a person (or their character) that gets emotionally wounded over things that I feel are not hurtful, nor should a thick skinned person (or their character) be judged.
Lockitup, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to prove a point. I'm sorry it came across as hurtful.
Also, in my experience, children from disfunction homes that may have less than ideal parents (like myself) seem to be more thicked skinned. (Please, I know this might not be everyone, I'm not trying to generalize, it just my experience) And to this day, my tougher friends, the ones that didn't come from happy homes, seem to have a ruder sense of humor. We poke fun at each other, and let it roll off our backs. We don't get our feelings hurt easily. But the friends I've made later in life that came from more comforting homes seem more sensitive. Not saying this is scientifically proven, just my life observation.
But that being said, I don't make fun of people to their face, I don't even do it in ear shot. I don't get pleasure from being mean to others. I find humor in pointing out funny and ironic things in real life. Maybe when your life sucks you have to learn to find the sucky things funny or else you'll get really discouraged...???
And what I'd been through has built a lot of character and has made me strong, or at least taught me how to act strong when I need to be. I see being thin skinned as a lack of that character. It says to me that the person has always had the luxury of taking the time and energy to hurt over hurtful things. I think it shows weakness, just as you think it shows compassion and empathy. (And being thicked skin shows lack of?? IDK)
I think you're really generalizing here in saying that people who are easily hurt are all pampered babies who should suck it up and just get on with it. I disagree.
I consider myself to be pretty thick-skinned. I take nothing lying down and refuse to be belittled by others. I also had a pretty rough childhood: my father was emotionally and physically abusive, my mother was mentally ill, and I was taken away from my parents, for my own safety, when I was twelve and placed in a series of foster homes.
Throughout the course of my life I've met a number of people who have been through emotional and physical trauma and come out alive. Some of them are strong and some of them are not. Everyone is different. I know people who are very sensitive and easily hurt who did not, as you put it, always have the "luxury" of ruminating over hurtful things. Being sensitive to scorn sometimes means these people are so broken down, after a lifetime of abuse and ridicule, that every little thing just piles up to make them feel so depressed and useless that all they can do is mope: they can't find the strength to fight back or defend themselves.
It's great that you're strong after having had to survive what you did. But others aren't so lucky. Some survivors just come out of their experiences broken.
I think we all may have different definitions of think skinned, thin skinned, character, luxury, and strength. Knowing this, I still will never, no matter what someone's background consists of, think it's ok to ridicule/make fun of an unwilling/unknowing person, whether it's in front of them or behind their backs.
One of those things I guess I will have to agree to disagree on.
P.S. I'm tough as NAILS, have the strength of an OX, and have been through a lot of tough crap in my life too. Just because I'm a sensitive person does NOT mean I'm not strong as all get out, doesn't mean I cry in my room when something upsets me, or that I dwell on it or mope around feeling sorry for myself. And I hope to raise my 2 kids to be nice people who are allowed to feel however they feel without fear of being viewed as weak by their mother, or their father for that matter. And I hope to the good Lord that they never think it's ok to make fun of people, whether or not it's in front of them or behind their back.
Developing mechanisms for dealing with hurtful events or actions (becoming thicker skinned) doesn't mean that it's okay for someone else to be mean or hurtful towards me. It just means that, eventually, I have the ultimate control (which is empowering actually). Negative things are going to happen. It's not right, and not okay, but it will happen.
All you can really do with people who say/do hurtful things is ignore it. You're not going to change them, no matter how much you'd like to.
All you really can do is if you DO have control over someone (I'm thinking your own kids here) is to teach them how hurtful it is to make fun of people, and hopefully - no guarantees - they'll have a bit more common sense.
edited to add a note: If that someone doing hurtful things is supposed to be servicing you, as in the McDonald's example, then yes you CAN do something. I'm pretty darn sure I would have been on the phone with the manager or corporate for that one.
And I hope to raise my 2 kids to be nice people who are allowed to feel however they feel without fear of being viewed as weak by their mother, or their father for that matter. And I hope to the good Lord that they never think it's ok to make fun of people, whether or not it's in front of them or behind their back.
This is probably me, but you are talking about how kind you are but your reply is passive aggressive. Maybe its me?? Can a third party please correct me, and let me know if I am wrong??
You hope to raise your kids be nice people (ok as opposed to those of us NOT raising them to be nice??) that can feel how they want without being viewed as weak by their mother. (I said I see it as weakness, so are you referring to how I would view my kids should they be thin skinned?? Is this saying how you will suceed as a mother where someone with my views would otherwise fail?? )
And you hope to the good LORD that they never think its ok to make fun of people, and you makde sure to point out this included behind their back, AFTER I said that as long as the person doesn't know, I don't think its a big deal. So what is that saying about me? Or people who agree with me? That you hope to the good lord your kids are never like that? Hmmmm sounds rather insulting. Good thing I'm thick skinned, huh?? lol
You know you act like you are so kind and so much better than us meanies, but you don't see how your post is just as rude, if not worse, because instead of saying this: I will be a better mother because I will raise NICE kids, and not tell my kids they are weak when they are easily upset by things, and when I raise them, I pray to god they don't turn out like you.
You vail it in a mild post...I really don't think that's any better than making fun of someone to their face.
Ok maybe ist me! Maybe I'm nuts and that message totally doesn't exist in that post???
Seriously, if a few people tell me that what you said is nothing like that, and it in no way can be taken like that, I take it all back and apologize. We can shake hands and part ways.
This is so not true. It shows that maybe you haven't had to endure the same difficulties.
Personally, I think we should just stop using "skin" terms. We all have specific things that get to us sometimes. I think it is great that you came out of your childhood strong. It's truly wonderful. At the same time though, you cannot assume that just because I get revved up over stupid comments sometimes doesn't mean I haven't gone through things. Or should ever be compared to the things others have gone through.
I also didn't mean that "thick skinned" people aren't compassionate or empathetic or both. I just mean't that it doesn't make them weak babies. Personally, that comment didn't make me feel sad or cry. It made me mad. I just think it was an insincere way to poke fun. I don't find it ironic. And I don't find it humorous. Especially with the term "fat b******" included. It's degrading.
Like I said we all have differing opinions. You are more than welcome to yours, just as I am to mine. But just because some people don't have the same sense of humor and deal with things the same doesn't make them any weaker or even any stronger than you or have gone through any less. We're all different, and we all handle things differently.
This is probably me, but you are talking about how kind you are but your reply is passive aggressive. Maybe its me?? Can a third party please correct me, and let me know if I am wrong??
You hope to raise your kids be nice people (ok as opposed to those of us NOT raising them to be nice??) that can feel how they want without being viewed as weak by their mother. (I said I see it as weakness, so are you referring to how I would view my kids should they be thin skinned?? Is this saying how you will suceed as a mother where someone with my views would otherwise fail?? )
And you hope to the good LORD that they never think its ok to make fun of people, and you makde sure to point out this included behind their back, AFTER I said that as long as the person doesn't know, I don't think its a big deal. So what is that saying about me? Or people who agree with me? That you hope to the good lord your kids are never like that? Hmmmm sounds rather insulting. Good thing I'm thick skinned, huh?? lol
You know you act like you are so kind and so much better than us meanies, but you don't see how your post is just as rude, if not worse, because instead of saying this: I will be a better mother because I will raise NICE kids, and not tell my kids they are weak when they are easily upset by things, and when I raise them, I pray to god they don't turn out like you.
You vail it in a mild post...I really don't think that's any better than making fun of someone to their face.
Ok maybe ist me! Maybe I'm nuts and that message totally doesn't exist in that post???
Seriously, if a few people tell me that what you said is nothing like that, and it in no way can be taken like that, I take it all back and apologize. We can shake hands and part ways.
I didn't read into it as much as that... I think at the heart of it there are just differing opinions on making fun of someone in front of their face and behind their back and whether or not it is wrong or right.
...but to encourage a 'hardyharhar' about it from one's children is pretty offensive to me. And not something I would ever, ever expect from a 3FC member.
I guess you directed this comment at me. Oh well. I'm able to laugh at myself. I'm able to laugh at others AND empathize with their plight. One doesn't preclude the other. I'm also able to admit to some horrendous binging behaviours in the past, and if someone saw fit to laugh or gossip about it I would find it neither surprising nor offensive. And no, I'm not thick-skinned about everything. I bleed when my work is criticized. But I'm realistic about human nature, including my own.
. I generally believe people should lighten up and take responsibility for their own offense, not blame shift their emotions to the people they accuse of evoking them. Too often, especially online, people call 'foul' over every little thing instead of just rolling their eyes and ignoring rudeness or comments they disagree with.
These days I'm much more likely to approach a manager over any unprofessional issue when it comes to customer service, weight-related or not.
But just because some people don't have the same sense of humor and deal with things the same doesn't make them any weaker or even any stronger than you or have gone through any less. We're all different, and we all handle things differently.
