I am self-conscious about what I eat in public, comes from a life time of low self esteem and fear of hearing comments just like that. People who write such crap are cowards, they probably wouldn't have the b*lls to say it to the person's face..and if they did, they are even worse human beings.

Originally Posted by freelancemomma:
OK, I'm a bit of a dissenting voice here. I think there's such a thing as taking ourselves too seriously. When people make jokes about fat people, they're not necessarily being cruel, and sometimes there's a kernel of truth in the joke (which is what makes it amusing).

A while back, when I was at Starbucks, an extremely obese woman ordered a cookie and made a point of telling the server that "it's for my husband." I have to admit that I did find it amusing and told my kids about it. If I were to do the same thing (justify a large order of food to a server or waiter) and then found out that someone had joked about it, I don't think I'd be offended.

JMHO Freelance

^^^THIS!!!^^^

I think we have become a society of namby-pamby cry-babies.
"Waaaah - somebody hurt my feelings... unintentionally! - but still, Waaah, I say, Waaah!!"

I'm not saying that nobody has ever said anything that has hurt me, or that I have never been hurt by someone's crappy comment, or that I myself have never said something "hurtful" that someone got upset about.

What I'm saying is that people say things - sometimes horrible things -and people's feelings get hurt all the time. Sometimes ignoring it is truly the best way to handle it. And if the comment is directed at you, then at least have a good-snappy comeback - preferably a comical one. NEVER LET'M SEE YOU SWEAT kind of mentality, that's my stance. ;)

And I am guilty of saying things like "If i ever get that fat please shoot me. I wouldn't even want to live." - because I was horribly unhappy with myself when I was at 192 lb. I cannot imagine living with myself at 300, 400, 500+ pounds. Which is why I HAVE A DEEP ADMIRATION FOR THE PEOPLE HERE SO MUCH who are very obese & are working to lose the weight. They are doing something that I honestly do not think I could do.

Oh, and BTW, I have bought MANY food items that were "for my husband" - and they truly WERE for him. I don't care for Cadbury Easter Eggs. (or "peanut butter goo-goo ice cream, LOL) Yuck. Too rich! - but he loves them. And I don't care if anyone thinks I'm lying or whatever about it. I know they're for him, not me, so big fat hairy deal! Of course, those bags of BBQ Fritos are another story. ;) :D

Like a few others here, I generally have an un-PC sense of humor. And with the few people that I know get it, and would not be offended, I would be the kind of person to laugh at all types of insensitive things.
However...

I would never post this on facebook, or "like" such a post. Only my very close friends know how wicked my sense of humor can be, and I am careful not to be that way towards other because a statement like the one you said in the OP, can be very hurtful for people.
Putting it on FB was wrong in my opinion. Had they made the joke in the privacy of their own home, then that would be different, IMO.


I wanted to add that yesterday, my husband and I were at Walmart and I bought a blood sugar monitor, with the strips and all, because I am concerned about both our post prandial sugars...we also needed honey so we had like the super econo-sized honey and then we bought candy from the check out...my husband and I were laughing hysterically at our order. (And he's obese) Because we had diabetic supplies right next to honey and candy we were buying. While diabetes is not funny, we couldn't help but laugh. And had someone else noticed and laughed, how could we get offended? :)

Feelings are feelings. If something hurts your feelings it still hurts whether or not other people don't think it should. Good for the people who have thick skin. I've always had a pet peeve about people who think everyone should feel the same way they do. I, personally, don't have thick skin. I never have. I used to think it was a flaw, but you know what, it's not, it's just me. I don't think society should tip toe around me, but I, and everyone else, certainly have the right to feel however they feel. And I don't think that makes someone a cry baby. Making fun of people, of any kind, is rude and shows a lack of character.

Originally Posted by LockItUp:
Making fun of people, of any kind, is rude and shows a lack of character.

It depends on where its done. I think doing it infront of someone is mean. But if the person never knows, who cares? And you should be careful when you judge what actions are "lack or character". To me, being thin skinned shows lack of character. We all have our opinions.

In the instance in question it was done on a public forum, not behind someone's back. IMO just because someone doesn't know about something doesn't make it right.

And you're right, we all have our opinions. And yours just now insulted me, which I guess means I have a lack of character according to you. But I have never met someone decent who thought making fun of people was actually a good thing to do, a character building method, or one that maintains one's character. Ya, we've all done it, personally I'm not proud of it, it's not something that makes me feel good when I do it. That I think, for me, shows more character than the fact that I don't have thick skin.

@GlamourGirl827 - I apologize if you took my comment as a personal attack, as it wasn't intended to be one. I take it that you did take it as one since you attacked me personally in your response.

Originally Posted by GlamourGirl827:
It depends on where its done. I think doing it infront of someone is mean. But if the person never knows, who cares? And you should be careful when you judge what actions are "lack or character". To me, being thin skinned shows lack of character. We all have our opinions.

I wouldn't say being thin skinned shows lack of character. If anything it shows empathy and compassion. There are extents to where you have to be thick skinned and not let things get to you, but never letting anything in isn't good for yourself and doesn't help you cope with the judgments of others and of yourself. I suppose we wholeheartedly disagree on that subject. Everyone has their opinions, this I completely understand. I suppose I just didn't realize that literally laughing at someones misfortune at turning down food from either insecurities or dieting or even just not being hungry is "so funny". And if I saw someone buying diabetic materials alongside candy, that is their business. Obviously, they know they have diabetes or are monitoring their blood sugar, so why judge and laugh at them? To me it's pointless.

People are vile and unkind. It is one of the reasons I left Facebook, even among friends and family there was nastiness and negativity I just didn't need. I'm not overly PC, but I absolutely believe speech is for building others up, not tearing them down, and I look down my nose at those who make jokes at the expense of others.

It's just unnecessary. I don't abide it and it's a behavior I've tried to eliminate in myself. I can control my tongue enough to not hurt others for my own pleasure and amusement!

I think we've all laughed in private or with close friends at things we would never joke about in public. No matter what weight we are, we've thought, "at least I'm not as big as so-and-so." I've often commented that if I ever got too big to get out of bed, people better stop bringing me food. But I'd never put it on FB. And I really hate the word"disgusting" in this usage. When my DD was little, she had a friend that was a very picky eater who called everything my daughter ate "disgusting.". I told her on many occasions that we did not ever use that word to describe things just because we didn't like them. It goes here, too. We are not disgusting. I can't tell you how much I hate that word.

Lin

Wow. There is a lot of very strong, emotional fueled words on both sides of this issue.

My stance is this: Have I judged? Yes. Do I try to limit it or correct myself when I realize it? Of course. But I do not judge the person judging because I am not perfect myself. Alerting them that their statement is insensitive would be appropriate however. What they do with it shows what kind of person they are and, depending on the circumstances, whether I want to be around them.

We can't always help how we feel when things suddenly come up on us, but we can choose how to react. I hope you feel better for the rant. :hug:

No, I don't have to deal with that on a DAILY basis but I know it happens.

There's not anything I can say to excuse it -- mean is mean. You don't have to like fat people. You may even wonder why they decline food when you offer. Valid enough.

But to top it with the " fat b-----" cherry on top is just not necessary. What did they do to hurt you? Give you the "thanks, not hungry" social niceties? How terrible!

You rather they jump up and scream "MY GOD ! Your cooking is FOUL and gives me the HOT RAGING TROTS! NEVER offer me anything of yours!" instead? Sheesh! :rolleyes:

There are some relatives and friends I have who use FB like bizarro therapy or something. Dumping all kinds of crap out in public I'd NEVER post on my own wall. I don't need to see a stream of volatile so I just "hid" them or marked them down to "Only important posts."

That's always an option if the original comment maker or your sister is in the habit of posting stuff that brings you down. Some people we can just break up with. Others we're kinda stuck with (ex: relatives) and the best that can be done is to "minimize" them.

GL!
A.

Originally Posted by Arctic Mama:
People are vile and unkind. It is one of the reasons I left Facebook, even among friends and family there was nastiness and negativity I just didn't need. I'm not overly PC, but I absolutely believe speech is for building others up, not tearing them down, and I look down my nose at those who make jokes at the expense of others.

It's just unnecessary. I don't abide it and it's a behavior I've tried to eliminate in myself. I can control my tongue enough to not hurt others for my own pleasure and amusement!

I haven't left Facebook, but have severely cut down and log in maybe once a week instead of several times a day. People on there get downright depressing with their negativity and especially their passive-aggressiveness. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I got with one of my old friends a few months back . . . she posted something particularly nasty on her wall about me. I've completely ignored it in that I refuse to take the bait and react like she wants, but I'm not about to forget it anytime soon.

Originally Posted by freelancemomma:
A while back, when I was at Starbucks, an extremely obese woman ordered a cookie and made a point of telling the server that "it's for my husband." I have to admit that I did find it amusing and told my kids about it. If I were to do the same thing (justify a large order of food to a server or waiter) and then found out that someone had joked about it, I don't think I'd be offended.

I hit the drive-thru at McDonald's maybe a year ago upon my husband's request for breakfast. I didn't even give much thought to making my usual order at the time; 3 egg mcmuffins, 3 sausage mcmuffins with egg, 1 large sprite. Just one of the egg mcmuffins was for me, everything else was for him. As the lady was handing me the food, she said, "You must have company over?" Feeling very confused, I was like, "What?" She rolled her eyes and motioned towards the bag. I laughed and said they were just for me and my husband. And as she was shutting the window, she said, "Oh, so that's why you only got yourself one drink," and I could see her turn to some other employees and giggle through the glass.

It took me another moment to realize that it looked like all 6 of those sandwiches were for me since there was only one drink (I rarely drink soda but my husband rarely doesn't). Hey, it was early and I wasn't awake yet! :p I'm sure no amount of explaining would have convinced her otherwise, but really, what's the point? People are going to believe whatever they want anyway. Yes, I'm obese. No, it doesn't automatically mean that every bit of food I buy is for myself and that I need to lie out of embarrassment over it. Honestly, I hate that anyone would make an assumption about me just because of my weight. They don't know how I got to where I am today, and frankly, it's none of their business.

I used to be that way my whole life. I was thin and lean for several years when i was younger, and i befriended a girl who was rather obese. I used to say to myself secretly "oh my god, she is so fat, i will never get that fat"....and you know what? It bit me in the a$$ one day cause look at me now..im bigger than her..karma people..karma.

Elladorine, that's very unprofessional of them. If that ever happens again, do go in and speak with a manager if you can. There are standards of professionalism for food service, even fast food chain franchises, and questioning/judging/mocking a customer with other employees isn't acceptable in the slightest. No matter your weight or reason, if the food was for you or NOT, they have no right or reason to say so and are harassing you. I am NO PC police but they absolutely need to be reprimanded for representing their company poorly to paying customers, among other things.

Well, I commend the members here who say they wouldn't be offended if someone called them fat, or possibly other personal trivial insults..here's to their thick skin...but to encourage a 'hardyharhar' about it from one's children is pretty offensive to me. And not something I would ever, ever expect from a 3FC member.