Hello fellow peeps. I'm new to this forum and in need of a little support. To start off I went through a divorce recently, January last year was when it was finalized. One thing that lead to this is that my now ex use to call me fat all the time and on occasion would tell me my back looked like it was stuffed in my pants. Needless to say, he found other smaller sized women more attractive, and had no problem showing them he affection if you get what I mean. His best friend ended up telling me the details of his affairs and how long they had been going on..... When I finally decided I had enough I weighed in at 180 and a size 14/16. Now, i'm 140 and size 8/10. My dilemma is that I just struggle with that feeling of still being of the larger size. I don't feel like i've lost anything. The guy I'm seeing is totally digging my body, but I just don't see why. I still have the love handles, the little pooch, and the horrific permanent stretch marks. I guess what I'm after is how to get over this hump of self-doubt, negative body image.
I guess all in all I just want to see me the way he sees me as a beautiful woman.
If he loves you for you then you've found an amazing guy! I'm sure it's going to take some time for you to see it until you are the size you want to be. I wish I could lose 40 lbs. and I'm sure if I did (hopefully I will) I would still say I could look better. That's just how us women work! Don't look at the negative! Look at the positive!
Actually, this is common; and it will take a little time to heal from all the negative comments made to you by your ex, and the hurtful behaviors. I wish your ex's friend had kept some of his thoughts to himself; do we really need to hear all the gory details? I think not. Sorry you had to go through all of that ...
So, from this day forward -- try to enjoy and love the nice guy you have now. Healing does take time, but it will get better.
I've been through the whole "YOUR FAT" ex-boyfriend emotional put-downs as well. For A LONG TIME I couldn't take any compliment seriously from a guy.
I don't know what that internal machanism is that makes us not see what others see and how far weve come. Wish there was a magic wand I could wave for ya! It has taken me years to just accept myself for who I am. Just having people around you that love you and compliment the way you are and the way you look is a wonderful thing. Learn to Appreciate and LOVE EVERY COMPLIMENT! Best of wishes to you!!
From one Peach to another.....I have been in your shoes sweetie.....and still walking. I wish all my ex had done was call me fat.....but I also got some other great things/names/words thrown my way. After 20 years, I believed him. I have been divorced for 2 years now.....steady with my bf for a year and a half. (getting ready to move in with him) He is really doing A LOT of work to make me understand I am valuable and viable and (get this) sexy. My ex has called me fat since we met (pre-kids) when I was 120......when our divorce was final I was around 175. Now my bf wants us both to lose weight......first for health......second to make others jealous
I still have a hard time mentally when I am told I am smart or talented (good at my job) or pretty or anything. But it is getting better. Your bf is a good man.....and he will help you through this process of re-establishing your self esteem.
Justwant2Bhealthy: the friend told me because he HATED the way me ex treated me and he told him a few times too. So the intention wasn't to be mean. I think he just wanted me to know the truth.
Thanks guys! I might just be being to impatient with this process. In retrospect, a year ago isn't that long. Although I had been moved out a year before the divorce was finalized. You all are right, I need to keep looking at the positive. And Mr. man has no problem telling me how he feels or showing his affection.
I think another thing that I'm scared of is that I don't want to become obsessive with dieting and over exercise.
Last edited by peachykeen tlc; 03-20-2012 at 01:17 AM.
Men know how to hurt us the most....make mean comments about our bodies. It's really sad (pathetic kind of sad). Your new man loves you the way that you are and that is awesome! You will learn to love yourself in the same way and having a great guy tell you positive things will help. For advice I would say (and I say the same things to myself lol) make small goals and feel great about your accomplishments! Be proud of yourself and write reminders of where you were in the past and where you are now in places you will see them (phone, index cards on the mirror, etc. just be excessive about it trust me it will work you need to take the negative crap your ex put in your head and overpower it with positive things....make sure to tell your guy how much his positive words are helping to heal the past
First, let me reassure you that at 140 down from 180, you certainly ARE smaller, not matter how it feels sometimes. You've done good work.
And your fella thinks you're sexy because you ARE sexy to him.
And a friend once told me that even though there's a big deal made of women and perfect bodies, that once the clothes are off the guys so don't care. They're naked and you're naked and that's the way they like it.
Congrats on your loss!
Last edited by LiannaKole; 03-21-2012 at 08:04 PM.
Thank you all once again. I am feeling a little better the past week since i've posted this. I went and got my belly button pierced (the bottom part) monday as a small treat for myself. I've always wanted one but it was put in my head that I didn't have the body for it. Now I just need to fit into that bikini! haha.
I just don't see it...
trust me it will work you need to take the negative crap your ex put in your head and overpower it with positive things....make sure to tell your guy how much his positive words are helping to heal the past 
