Looking for some support (long post) - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

begoodjen · 03-18-2012, 07:23 PM

Has anyone experienced something like this?

I was 280-290 for about 5 years, and well over 200 for the 5-8 previous years. I had my moments of self-doubt/loathing, but for the most part I always felt confident and never self-conscious. Ever since I have started losing weight ( I have lost almost 45 lbs since October), I feel so self-conscious all the time. I feel like all "skinny" people are looking at me, judging me, my clothes, my walking, the food I'm eating, EVERYTHING! I'm sure some are, I'm sure some don't care at all. I know this but I can't help but feel they are!

I recently started a new job. I work in an office with one of my friends from college. We aren't good friends but in the same group who gets together once a month or so for dinner/drinks. She is 23, thin and attractive. ( I am 30) Another new girl started at the same time as me and she is 24, thin, tall and very attractive. Everyone is nice and everything but I feel jealous because it seems my college friend, other new girl and another girl are becoming good friends and although I get invited to things (lunch, after work drinks), I can't help but feel like the fat girl that no one wants to hang out with. Like I'm cramping their style or something. I used to consider myself pretty stylish but its been hard lately. I have had to buy some new clothes for work but nothing seems to fit properly. I am losing the weight a lot faster in my bum/hip/thigh area then my tummy and I feel I look disproportionate. So, although I look thinner overall, I feel awkward. Its hard to find clothes, especially pants, that fit right. I did just buy some "Bridget Jones" type underwear that do a pretty awesome job of taking off a couple inches, so I will see if that helps. I know it will get better as more weight comes off, but I wonder am I always going to feel like this? I don't want to feel fat, rejected and dowdy all the time. I want my confidence back!

Any advice?

Jen

Resipoo · 03-18-2012, 07:41 PM

While I'm fatter than you and just beginning my attempt at weight loss (week 2), I can feel your pain. Please keep your head up. You are just as special as anyone else. I can't help with the close as I have a huge butt that fills my pants out completely.

peachypeg · 03-18-2012, 07:52 PM

First off.....you live in the prettiest place ever! I went to St. Catharines when I was young and have never forgotten how lovely it and the people were.

Second.....I know you feel self conscious.....BUT.....I honestly think it is an age thing. You say they are in their early 20's and you are 30. At that age, that is a big difference. To be honest, it probably would not matter what you weighed.

dragonwoman64 · 03-18-2012, 08:00 PM

I had 2 thoughts, if you switched around the scenario, where a larger sized woman you liked was hanging around with you, would you feel like she was cramping your style? your friends may deserve more credit or slack.

I do get that self consciousness that comes with focusing on your body and weight and eating.

and remember, many women (people) are conscious of what others look like and eat because they worry about how THEY look (even if its unconscious).

hang in there! 44 lbs is FANTASTIC!

kirsteng · 03-19-2012, 07:33 AM

I agree - I think it's likely more of an age thing than a weight thing with your friends. THere's a fair bit of difference in being 30 vs 24 (at that age anyway. When you're 50 and 56 - not so much! lol ).

Also, you might be starting to allow yourself to feel things. Maybe when you were bigger, you had a sort of false bravado about your appearance. (I think I did - I'm only starting to realize that I was SO self conscious at my highest, and covered it up by sounding and acting confident).

So give yourself time - you're doing an amazing job! And if you're finding that your gatherings after work are not making you feel good, find an excuse to do something else (club, hobby, the gym). No sense spending money (and calories!) to end up feeling worse about yourself!

GL and keep up the great work!

(I'm also a fellow Canadian - from Ottawa. I just happen to be living in Chile at the moment.... )

Gotta go...

begoodjen · 03-19-2012, 09:09 AM

Thank you!

You all are probably right, its more of an age thing. I think I maybe already knew this which is why I mentioned the ages.

Kirsteng - you are also probably right about the confidence thing. Interesting that I never thought of it this way.

Jen

pluckypear · 03-19-2012, 09:39 AM

Jen-I have found myself in similar although not precisely the same circumstances. Ask yourself are you enjoying hanging out with them? Do they add to your quality of life? It may simply be you do not have the same goals or enough in common but you don't want to be left out. I used to do that at work, go to functions with people that I discovered I did not really connect with.

If however you do enjoy them and your time with them (again ask yourself is that where you want to be-maybe you connect with them but not where they go for fun) dress up in the best way you can, and have a good time. They invited you they want you there, do you want to be there?

Good luck.