There's are a couple sayings in many behavior change therapies (alcohol and drug treatment, for example) "Fake it 'til you make it," and "Act as if...."
The first active step of change, is contemplation - thinking about making changes. And it's important to remember that it is a step in the right direction. You are making changes, even if the changes at this point are only in your thoughts, plans, and intentions. Never forget that trying, even if you're not experience what you consider success, is progress. It may even be the hardest step, because you haven't had the pat-on-the-back feeling of tangible success.
Personally, I think I failed at weight loss most of my life, because I focused on the failures (and I would eventually and inevitably see them as proof that ultimate failure was inevitable).
This time has been very different, and I've never had more than a few moments of doubt or discouragement, because I changed myfocus, my goals and my judgement of myself, to build on success rather than my prior tendency to self-destruct based on failure.
I changed my goal from weight loss to weight maintenance. My first goal was to "not gain." That meant every time I stepped on the scale and didn't gain, I forced myself to celebrate (I even did a happy dance to create a physical manifestation of the feeling I wanted to have). Every time I lost a pound, I celebrated and added it to the "not gain" goal. So today my goal is to maintain the 105 lbs I've lost. If I gain a pound, I don't beat myself up, I remind myself that while I didn't meet my goal of not gaining, I am succeeding at maintaining 104 lbs lost. I focus on the success of not-gaining, not-regaining (or at least not regaining it all).
I've been able to avoid backsliding by focusing on "not gaining, and maybe losing just one more" that way I don't see a small setback as equivalent to ultimate failure.
We are taught to be extremely pessimistic when it comes to weight loss. We're taught to think "Only perfection matters. If I'm not perfect, I have failed. If I gained a pound, I've blown it. What's the use, I'll never succeed, and if I'm doomed to failure I might as well get to eat what I want. If I'm going to be fat forever anyway, why worry about it at all..."
We are not taught to see our successes and build on them, and success really is built on feeling of accomplishment. Quitting in the face of failure isn't weakness or insanity - it's logic. How long would you work for an employer who never paid you?
You have to find and create the paydays. Start small, and you'll build on success. SEE the successes, so you can feel that you have the ability to make more.
Your first "success" may be extremely small. I wanted to exercise when I started, but I was very sick and incapacitated, so I put a pedometer on my shoes. At first just getting out of bed and putting on the shoes was an accomplishment. Then I focused on "beating" the previous days step count (I had to use a step-counting pedometer to be able to see the small progress I was able to make).
I wish it hadn't taken me more than 35 years to to focus on the successes (even choosing microscopically small ones, when that was all I had). Punishing myself for failure doesn't work nearly as well as rewarding myself for success (even the small ones). Ironically, I've known this for many years, because we were taught in college psych classes (and I've got a BA and MA in psych) that punishment is not only less successful than reward as a motivator, but it's not generally permanent. Punishment doesn't eradicate behavior it only suppresses it (and rarely permanently).
|
not everyone is perfect and we all have little slips, I see all the people with their before and after pictures and I think "wow...I can't wait till I get to post mine here"
keep going! Your doing awesome 
